Is he going to fade out? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 07-14-2011, 06:49 PM - Thread Starter
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I have been separated from STBX for 7 months. He lives 2 hours away from us now near where my folks live (he lives with his parents right now). I have told him he can visit the kids whenever he wants but he always just waits until I go to visit my parents and then takes them for an afternoon or sometimes overnight- again he lives with his folks so basically it is his mom taking the kids for the night and he's just there too, he doesn't feed them or bathe them or put them to bed just hangs out with them basically. He doesn't pay child support- he doesn't really have a job or really had a steady one since before we seperated so he claims he just doesnt have money which I guess he doesn't but I know he is still able to live the lifestyle he wants- 30 pack of beer or more a week, hour car rides to his new girlfriends where he must spend some money or else who would date him really? he does pay for our van we bought together which I drive (300$/month) which I guess is something but everyone keeps telling me no that's nothing.

Anyway basically he just doesnt seem to care that he isnt supporting his kids and that they are going without . He still thinks of it as he's supporting ME like he had to the whole time we were married b/c I mostly (I did work quite a bit though on and off and since a year ago I have a fulltime job) stayed home and raised OUR children. Also I approached the subject of me filing for full custody and he just said OK. no discussion or any emotion at all. I said he'd still have visitations and the only thing he said about that was "you better meet me halfway for driving then"....WTF buddy! I mean ya ill meet him half way but doesnt it seem like he isnt really thinking at all about his kids! Basically i'm starting to wonder if he is going to fade out of their lives more and more? it wouldnt bother me b/c he is a super pain in the ass to deal with but i worry about the kids. I know his parents won't want to fade out of the kids lives b/c they love their grandkids but I am starting to wonder about the ex. What do you guys think does it sound bad or am I just too critical of him b/c he's my ex!?

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#2 of 2 Old 07-14-2011, 07:42 PM
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I have a very similar situation.  My ex-husband (married 12 years) lives at a distance, also near my parent's home.  I have an open-door policy that he is welcome here anytime.  He's been here twice in the past 10 months. 


I know he struggles with depression & financial problems as a result.  I hold the hope that he will get his act together & be a real father, but if its meeting at my Mom's house, eating at her table and playing in her yard that keeps at least some connection going.  I'll work with that for now. 


That said, I do find it difficult to explain to my children that while their Dad does love is okay to be disapointed with his absence & want more.


Painful, but sometimes you just have to accept this is what it is.  There isn't any more.



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