Hello everyone. I am new here. I'm sure someone has already spoken about this but I didn't feel like searching. :-) And I apologize for the length. Really didn't intend to write this much. Hopefully it's cohesive and not a bunch of rambling. LOL
I have been separated from my husband for about 2 months now. He left me the week after we found out that I'm pregnant with our third child together. I was devastated! But surprisingly, I was more upset about the fact that I had BEEN unhappy for years, but never once left or even seriously thought about leaving. I honestly didn't see it as a real option. But the minute he gets "fed up" he leaves rather than try to work through things.
Throughout these past couple of months we've gone back and forth on whether to just call it quits or try to go to counseling in hopes of reconciliation. At this point, I feel like him leaving was THE best thing that's ever happened to me. We have been married for 6 years and they've pretty much all been rocky. So I am very excited about being free from all of the issues and drama and stress. BUT as we do have 2 kids +1 on the way, I want to fight for my marriage for them. I am not going to stay being unhappy, but it is only because of them that I even want to try to work things out. I feel that we owe them the opportunity of seeing their parents model what a happy, healthy marriage is supposed to look like.
My problem though at this point is that I'm so lonely. My husband and kids have been my life for the past 5 years. I have been a SAHM since 2006. I sacrificed my own identity so that I could be the wife and mom that they needed and wanted me to be. I felt like if I could just give enough of myself, he would see it and appreciate it and love me forever and ever. I now know how ridiculous this thinking was. I am 3 months pregnant and he acts as though he wants nothing to do with me. I asked him today if he ever wanted to just hang out and he said no. That the thought of interacting with me only brings up negative memories for him. I'm just so tired of crying and feeling so alone. I'm tired of leaning on my fam and friends for support. I feel like I have nothing and I am nothing without him. I should be enjoying the journey of bringing this new life into the world, but instead I'm stressed about should I get a job or go to tech school? He's still supporting me financially right now, but is he going to wake up one day and become an ass? Should I even do counseling if I would rather not be with him? I can't enjoy this baby like I want to because I'm too wrapped up in end of marriage thoughts. And I hate it that none of this is affecting him in the same way. He's off getting drunk with his friends on the weekends. If it was up to him, we would be getting divorced just so he wouldn't have to step out of his comfort zone. I just wish I had it in me to be spiteful and mean towards him must so I could somehow make myself feel better.