Pregnant and Newly Separated - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 3 Old 07-28-2011, 09:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello everyone. I am new here. I'm sure someone has already spoken about this but I didn't feel like searching. :-) And I apologize for the length. Really didn't intend to write this much. Hopefully it's cohesive and not a bunch of rambling. LOL

I have been separated from my husband for about 2 months now. He left me the week after we found out that I'm pregnant with our third child together. I was devastated! But surprisingly, I was more upset about the fact that I had BEEN unhappy for years, but never once left or even seriously thought about leaving. I honestly didn't see it as a real option. But the minute he gets "fed up" he leaves rather than try to work through things.

Throughout these past couple of months we've gone back and forth on whether to just call it quits or try to go to counseling in hopes of reconciliation. At this point, I feel like him leaving was THE best thing that's ever happened to me. We have been married for 6 years and they've pretty much all been rocky. So I am very excited about being free from all of the issues and drama and stress. BUT as we do have 2 kids +1 on the way, I want to fight for my marriage for them. I am not going to stay being unhappy, but it is only because of them that I even want to try to work things out. I feel that we owe them the opportunity of seeing their parents model what a happy, healthy marriage is supposed to look like.

My problem though at this point is that I'm so lonely. My husband and kids have been my life for the past 5 years. I have been a SAHM since 2006. I sacrificed my own identity so that I could be the wife and mom that they needed and wanted me to be. I felt like if I could just give enough of myself, he would see it and appreciate it and love me forever and ever. I now know how ridiculous this thinking was. I am 3 months pregnant and he acts as though he wants nothing to do with me. I asked him today if he ever wanted to just hang out and he said no. That the thought of interacting with me only brings up negative memories for him. I'm just so tired of crying and feeling so alone. I'm tired of leaning on my fam and friends for support. I feel like I have nothing and I am nothing without him. I should be enjoying the journey of bringing this new life into the world, but instead I'm stressed about should I get a job or go to tech school? He's still supporting me financially right now, but is he going to wake up one day and become an ass? Should I even do counseling if I would rather not be with him? I can't enjoy this baby like I want to because I'm too wrapped up in end of marriage thoughts. And I hate it that none of this is affecting him in the same way. He's off getting drunk with his friends on the weekends. If it was up to him, we would be getting divorced just so he wouldn't have to step out of his comfort zone. I just wish I had it in me to be spiteful and mean towards him must so I could somehow make myself feel better.
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#2 of 3 Old 07-29-2011, 08:49 PM
 
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Hello, Hon.  I am so sorry things are rough right now, I wish I had many words of wisdom to share.  I am newly separated and also have 3 children though mine are much older than yours - 17, 11 and almost 8.  I must say, the one thing I would have done differently, had I to do it all over again, I would have left him MUCH sooner than I did.  I would not change having my children because I can not imagine life without them.  Him?  I was so much better when he walked away 3 weeks ago and even though he wanted to come back, I knew life would be much healthier for my children and myself without him.  My children deserve to have a happy healthy marriage moddeled for them and mine was not one.

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#3 of 3 Old 07-29-2011, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, mine wasn't healthy and happy either. But I was and still am ready and willing to do whatever needed/needs to be done to get it there. I just feel like we're at 2 separate places in our lives right now. He's loving the single, carefree life whereas I want to be married and could see myself settling down again. I don't want to be with him anymore, but after 7 years together, I've grown accustomed to having him in my life in a certain capacity and it just hurts that he's seemingly cut off all of those feelings so quickly. He doesn't seem to be nearly as hurt and torn up about all of this as I am and it just makes me question if he even cared. And I hate that I'm unable to share happy pregnancy times with him like I did with my other two. This is not how a child is supposed to be brought into the world.
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