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Old 08-04-2011, 11:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My BD wasnt allowed tobe  involed for a while bc when i was 7 almost 8 months pregnant i caught him cheating on my with my ex best friend...he finally saw his son when he was 2 1/2 months old. before he saw his son he complained he couldnt see him and wanted to be around and now i have let him be around i basically have to beg him to come over and see his son and half the time he doesnt come over. And his son isnt a normal 3 month old bc he has alot of health issues and i want him to be there so he knows what he should do if he ever has him over night.

 

We r tryin to work things out and  i thought we were datin and  he said we werent we were workin on thing and i was like ok. Now does tht give him the right to talk to his ex-girlfrend when he tell me he loves me and tells me tht we will work things out day by day... i jus dont kno wat to do bc he tells me he will help me when i need it but he never does and im gettin sick of it.  jus wana knowhat i should do?

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Old 08-04-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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dizzy.gif

 

First of all- it was wrong of you to "not allow" the baby's daddy to see him for the first 2 1/2 months of his life, just because he cheated on you. You need to separate your relationship with this guy from the child's relationship with him. Two totally different things.

 

Second of all- if you have to beg him to come over and see his son, he's not ready to be a parent. Stop contacting him, and let him take it from there. If he wants to be a part of this baby's life, he will. If he doesn't, then it's better to find out now.

 

Third of all- you cannot control who he talks to. If you aren't comfortable with him talking to his ex-girlfriend (and he's not willing to stop) then you need to end the relationship right there. Draw your boundaries, hold them high and get on with your life.


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 08-04-2011, 08:18 PM
 
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yeahthat.gif  to what StephandOwen said.   Visitation should be based on a reasonable schedule for your child's age and needs. Even men who don't pay one red penny in child support still get to see their kids. not necessarily fair, but that's the way the law works.Cheating, drama, ex girlfriends etc....should not be part of the equation unless you believe he has someone in his life who is not healthy for your son to be around. And even then you can request that the visits take place at a neutral location and that only the biological parents (you and him) be present at this point.

As for whether he is willing to visit his son or not, perhaps you could have a calm neutral talk about the subject. Why is he not visiting? Does he not know how to care for an infant? Is he afraid the visit will involve drama between the two of you? Are the visitation times reasonable accessible for him given his schedule? I'd ask him why, and not in an accusatory "Why aren't you visiting your son?!?!?!?" manner. Again, calm and neutral is the objective here. Maybe making a comment along the lines of " I want to do all I can to foster a good relationship between my son and his father. What can I do to help you bond with him and establish a solid, consistent visitation routine?" Perhaps if he sees you are willing to put forth some extra effort for the sake of your son, then maybe he might be willing as well. There's no guarantees that this will work, but if it doesn't, at least you can say you did all that YOU can do to foster a good relationship for your son.


M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
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Old 08-04-2011, 08:23 PM
 
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either you're two are working on it (which to me means monogomous) or not. I don't think he cares. Move on. I'm sorry but I think you should. You're putting too much hope into someone who isn't going to live up to your expectations. If he wants to see the child fine. HE can call and make arrangements ahead of time. Go for child support so you don't feel like you have to call and beg for diaper money, it will just be there.

 

Clearly he's not dating you as he said and that means to me he is NOT working on it or seeing how things will go.. he's  moved on and dating and having relationships iwth other people. not easy for you to do also as you have to take care of the baby. not fair. men suck.

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