Since this situation is contributing to my depression, I felt maybe if I wrote it down here I might let some of the poisinous feelings out of my blood stream.
For my dd's bday ... my X was with the kids; I had Dr. appt. So I went to meet all of them at the movies per my dd's request.
I got there and they were already settled.
Here's what I learn: X borrowed money from my dds to pay for the movie (my kids are grade-school age)!
This, after he has already borrowed lots of money from me so his rent check won't bounce because he spent more money than *I* gave him for the trip he insisted on taking for a family reunion with the kids (the money I gave him was our way of balancing out that I take both kids as tax deductions, so that's legit).
That's the back-story ...
I paid the kids back the money their dad had borrowed.
Then he comes back to me this month to borrow again ...
Does he know NO shame???? Like *I* have money growing on trees? He's already been through bankruptcy! That's why he doesn't have over-draft protection and is so scared of bouncing his rent ...
Why lend him money you ask?
Because his bankruptcy almost destroyed my life (we weren't divorced yet) and I can't have my children's father in further financial disaster because it further effects the stability of their lives.
But, what really devastates me is his lack of shame! To borrow from his own child on her birthday for her movie treat! Then to keep crawling to me for money ,,,
Ok. Just needed to write it down. Please don't post lecturing messages. I suppose I should cut him off, but the repercussions would be incredibly ugly for me and the kids. I know ... then you say "then don't complain about it." Ok, I won't ... after this :-)
I'm sorry - that sounds very frustrating for you and very sad for your children. IDK what the repurcussions would be of cutting him off. Maybe one middle group would be the do things like meet them at the movies and pay for it yourself. At least that way he isn;t "borrowing" from the kids.
Thanks Fiona! Normally I do just as you say (which also sucks), but on this particular day I had a very important Dr.'s appt. scheduled months in advance I couldn't re-schedule, so I was gonna be late to the movies. It was just an example of how low he can sink. It makes me so sad.
Thanks a bunch for your reply!
He was at my house because ... his place is so unsafe and unpleasant that he sees the girls at my house. It's amazing ... I am still a B**tch in his eyes while everyone else thinks I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for toleration for my kids' sake.
It does take a huge toll on me, though -- having him around, having him sponge and having him still treat me like I am the aforementioned.
Like I said ... I just needed to vent ... not constructive, but emotive.
Thanks a bunch!