What is your arrangement? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 08-13-2011, 07:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I are planning to be divorce. We seriously addressed our issues for over a year, and in June officially decided to get divorced. It got pretty intense and was emotionally very difficult, but there is no cheating, no abuse, no one else involved. Once we made the decision, it was much easier to be around each other. We are friendly enough with each other, and can have fun with the kids together.

 

Weirdly enough, the house we are renting, at one point, had been two 2 bedroom apartments. We have decided its in the best interest of the kids, and makes sense financially, to continue living in the same house with seperate living space. He chose the upstairs and I am downstairs, there are seperate entrances. The only thing is there isn't a washer and dryer upstairs, but I don't see that being a problem.

 

I would love to hear thoughts on this arrangement, and any personal experiences of sharing living space with an xp would be very helpful! Thanks. :)

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#2 of 4 Old 08-13-2011, 07:53 AM
 
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I have known people who have the same type of situation as you are discribing, and it has worked out incredible for them, the kids are free to see both parents on a daily basis and they are thriving. If you are the type of parents that are able to put your differences aside for the sake of the kids it could very easily work out for the best. With no cheating or abuse it sounds like this could be a very good situation for your family.

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#3 of 4 Old 08-13-2011, 11:01 AM
 
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My ex moved into the house next door (we found out the neighbors were moving when he was deciding what to do and he moved out a month later). It's been 4 years now and it's mostly been good. The nice thing has been that I haven't had to see him much for drop offs, since I can watch the children walk across the lawn to his door. He did continue using my washer/dryer for 3.5 yrs, only stopping when he started dating someone (she must've pointed out that it was weird that he was still doing that, but I was never gonna mention it, since I didn't need another thing to fight with him about) He has gone through several periods of hanging around too much as if nothing had changed, so I've had to be very firm about boundaries.

 

He started dating someone this last winter and I didn't appreciate having to see him having a great life with her, while I struggle so much (he makes way more $$ and only has the children 35% - mostly at night when they're sleeping), but it was only for a couple of months before he started spending the majority of the time at her house. Now he's talking about moving away and I'm worried how the kids will handle that since they've never lived away from him.

 

oh, wanted to add that you MUST do all you can to be civil and neighborly to one another to make a situation like this work. It's easy to have public discussions about everything since you live right there, but I recommend doing everything via email and text so that you have written evidence of decisions you make. Even when you do have off-hand chats about changing the schedule, or whatever, follow-up in writing.


Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#4 of 4 Old 08-15-2011, 12:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the replies! Its helpful to hear this can work...

Good advice...definitely will get everything in writing, and remember to keep firm boundaries.

 

Thanks again!

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