Etiquette on telling XH about being pregnant? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 09-06-2011, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
madeofstardust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Orlando
Posts: 382
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I think it's the most fitting?

I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. It's with my partner, whom I left my XH for. XH and I have a daughter that is nearly 3. I don't know why but for some reason I'm really scared to tell him about this pregnancy. Should I wait? Should I treat it like it's none of his business and disregard his feelings? Should I just tell him and hope for the best? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Bethanie, Single Mama to Clementine Aislyn born via waterbirth.jpguc.jpg on 11/23/08. Hoping to homeschool.gif We cd.gifsaynovax.gif
madeofstardust is offline  
#2 of 12 Old 09-06-2011, 07:57 PM
 
maeby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: out in the atmosphere
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i think that if he shows that he is upset it is probably more because he is worried (about you/your daughter) and also jealous for the child you share together. i know if ex were to tell me that he and his new partner were expecting a child i would be pretty upset because they already can not care for the child we share together. 


  

maeby is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 09-06-2011, 08:48 PM
 
kt~mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 325
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

no advice, only hugs, i cannot imagine what my stbx would say if (when?) i were ever to get pregnant again in the future. if i were you i would tell him, i cant imagine hed want to hear it from someone else... then again, depends on your current relationship... ugh, sticky situation for sure.  again, hugs to you!


Katie, mommy to Oliver (2007) and brand new Ava Estelle (2014)! 
Decluttering Challenge:  303/2014 items are gone!
$728 made from selling my "stuff"
(I've gotten rid of 3711 items over the last four years on this forum! Last years selling total: $456)
kt~mommy is offline  
#4 of 12 Old 09-07-2011, 05:31 AM
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Congrats on your pg!  I think you should kindly tell him. You don't want him to hear it from someone else and since you share a child he will be linked to your life and your family's life forever.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#5 of 12 Old 09-07-2011, 11:38 AM
 
greenemami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 1,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

Just jumping in from blended families to share advice I have commonly seen over there :)  Several people have noted that it may be a good idea to tell your ex around the same time you tell your child, while child is with you, by e-mail or telephone to give him time to process before he sees your child and hears the news from them, just to avoid any "ugly" or negative reactions being shown to your child. 

 

Honestly, we just let dsd pass the news on and it wasn't a big deal, just as dsd was the one to tell us about her mom's pregnancy, but I can see how that would not work for everyone. 


Single mama namaste.gif to dd dust.gifand ds fencing.gif, loving my dsd always reading.gif .
greenemami is online now  
#6 of 12 Old 09-07-2011, 02:00 PM
 
BabyBearsMummy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Congratulations

 

The one thing I am sure of is that each ex will deal with this news differently. All we can do is tell them with tact and compassion. I tend to lean towards telling when we tell other extended family members and friends.

BabyBearsMummy is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 09-12-2011, 02:02 PM
 
tessa67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 141
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I would email...

 

Dear Ex:

 

Gertrude is excited about seeing you this weekend, she always enjoys the time you spend together.  I wanted to give you a heads up, in case she mentions it, that I am pregnant.  I am telling Gertie about the new baby tonight and, since she may comment on it during your visit, I didn't want you to be caught off guard. 

 

See you at 6:00 on Friday.

 

Me.

tessa67 is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 09-12-2011, 07:47 PM
 
StephandOwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 8,809
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think it really depends on your relationship with your ex. I don't talk to my ex (or, rather, I try to communicate with him and he completely ignores everything I say). So when I found out I was pregnant I let him hear it through the grapevine. When his wife was pregnant (they have a 2 year old and an infant) I heard about them both through the grapevine. The only thing that pissed me off is that ex didn't tell ds about either of the babies. They just sorta appeared (we live 2 states away and dh wasn't seeing ds consistently when either of those babies were born or when ex's wife was pregnant).


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

StephandOwen is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 09-13-2011, 09:35 AM
 
Mummoth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 3,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by tessa67 View Post

I would email...

 

Dear Ex:

 

Gertrude is excited about seeing you this weekend, she always enjoys the time you spend together.  I wanted to give you a heads up, in case she mentions it, that I am pregnant.  I am telling Gertie about the new baby tonight and, since she may comment on it during your visit, I didn't want you to be caught off guard. 

 

See you at 6:00 on Friday.

 

Me.



This is what I did, but it was emailed to XH's parents because they're the ones who visit the kids. XH sends a Christmas/B-Day present and otherwise doesn't bother with the kids, so I just CCed him the same email.


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

Mummoth is online now  
#10 of 12 Old 09-14-2011, 08:39 AM
 
carriemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 83
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was in the same situation, and was also very very worried about telling him. We made a phone date and I told him, probably when I was about 11 weeks or so. Hard conversation for me, especially since I felt so guilty (my partner is also someone I left XH for), but I was so relieved when it was over. And he took the news much better than I expected.

carriemama is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 09-17-2011, 08:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
madeofstardust's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Orlando
Posts: 382
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Chemical pregnancy, I don't need to tell him anything after all. Thanks for all the good advice though!

Bethanie, Single Mama to Clementine Aislyn born via waterbirth.jpguc.jpg on 11/23/08. Hoping to homeschool.gif We cd.gifsaynovax.gif
madeofstardust is offline  
#12 of 12 Old 09-17-2011, 08:53 AM
 
animegeekmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 35
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sorry to hear that.

animegeekmom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off