This may sound crazy, but I think I need a divorce role model.
My husband and I are counseling right now. It's not going well. The therapist all but told me today she thought I should get a divorce.
But here's the thing:
I don't know ANYONE who's divorced in my community. Sound crazy?
My parents and all my living relatives are still married. My in-laws are married. All of our friends are married, except for one friend who was never married to begin with who separated from her partner. I didn't even have close friends growing up with divorced parents.
In short, I feel like I have no idea of how this is done, or how to get through it, or evidence that it can be alright on the other side.
I've been lucky enough to have wonderful friends who have shown the way with homebirths, breastfeeding, attachment parenting, etc.
But I don't know anyone who has divorced, and my relationship is headed that way.
I'm scared to be the first one, freaked out about the unknown.
I'm kind of looking for the same thing in terms of peers but I do want to offer that my parents divorced. And it turned out great! I can't imagine the two of them together they are so different. If they were I can see how it would be miserable. But they both found wonderful partners and have been married and truly in love for 25 and 30 years. I know it's scary because I am going through the same thing, but I keep reminding myself (and my parents remind me all the time) how well it can turn out.
In my circle of friends growing up there was only one girl whose parents were together; everyone was divorced! But now, my kids don't have any friends whose parents are divorced so that makes it really hard. I'm worried about how it will feel for them (they don' tknow yet). But it is also hard on me. I jus wish I had folks around that have been through this, both to connect with and to make it not feel so unusual. I think I would feel less 'failure' (but maybe not...).
But again, I have to keep looking at how it turned out in my family. AND I have to keep reminding myself that I do not want my current relationship to be the model for my kids' future relationships. That's motivating for me.
Mom to 11 y.o. lawyer, 9 y.o. actor, and 4 y.o. pilot. I believe 'em on those, too!
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