Would you be offended if your kids step mom referred to you as their biological mom? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 04:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
Mom31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: America
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

or birth mom?

Just curious.... this was brought up on another thread and it has gotten to me. Wanted to hear replies.


mdcblog5.gifsaynovax.giffambedsingle2.gifhomebirth.jpg

 

 

Mom31 is offline  
#2 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 07:09 PM
 
Learning_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes I would because it is some how implying that she is their "real" Mum, and that I just gave birth to them. Sadly, it's definitely something I could see STBX girlfriend doing as she seems to have no respect for me as a person or as the children's mother.


It's complicated.
Learning_Mum is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 07:26 PM
 
bananabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 33 Post(s)

Yeah, that's terrible. That's why they call the next wife a stepmom. So it's not confusing. But THAT is a pretty low blow. 


Living happily and loving it!
bananabee is online now  
#4 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 09:16 PM
 
tooraloora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't co-parent, so I doubt I'll ever have to deal with this sort of thing, but I doubt I'd handle it well. I'm already a little territorial as far as my kids go. Someone referring to my role in the lives of my children (who I not only birthed, but then loved, cared for, and raised) as simply the birth mom would definitely bring out the worst in me.

tooraloora is offline  
#5 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 11:24 PM
 
tccandlsccmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 271
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I concur with previous posters.  It would not only feel awful, it would confuse the kids.


Mom to two terrific kiddos, affirming every day that the Universe is unfolding as it should and all is well...

tccandlsccmom is offline  
#6 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 08:10 AM
 
MissLotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,212
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, it seems totally unnecessary to make that distinction.  You are the child's mom.  Period.

Ahimsa likes this.
MissLotus is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 08:51 AM
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'll be the first to say, I wouldn't care.  *shrugs*   But I was a stepmom first and I get how it can be tricky ground when trying to explain your blended family to someone... it seems no matter what you are stepping on someone's toes.

 

I'm of the mindset that I know I'm Mom.  I am the bio Mom.  lol  When you own what you are, no one can make you feel badly about it.  :)

rosadesal likes this.

ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 07:33 PM
 
Petronella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Metro Vancouver
Posts: 283
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I wouldn't be offended if I heard of this happening, I would most likely laugh.  It would be just such a stupid thing for some woman to call me, I couldn't even take it seriously!  If chickie girlfriend wants to call me "biomom" she is not making any statement about me whatsoever...all she is pointing out is her own insecurities and ignorance to anyone who hears it.  Mind you, I am old and mean and I have seen/heard it all when it comes to dumbasses in love.  If ex's new bedbunny wants to get a rise out of me, it will take a lot more than "biomom."  Also my dd is 16 and knows exactly who has done what parenting around here.  So I wouldn't feel too threatened. 

Petronella is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 08:06 PM
 
erigeron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,345
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Forum crasher since I'm not a single parent. I wonder if she is simply looking for something less cumbersome than "my husband's first wife" and that doesn't put her out of the picture entirely like "the kids' mom". Maybe she thinks it is more clear that way. I could see her being like "Oh, yeah, that's Stephanie, she's Lizzie's bio-mom" where if she just said "Lizzie's mom" that would make people do the "Wait, I thought YOU were Lizzie's mom" double-take. Personally, hearing that statement, I wouldn't assume Stephanie was no longer involved. "Birth mom" sort of implies something else to me though because that does get used a lot more in an adoption context.

 

My mom points out that the reason there is a useful term for the second wife (stepmom) and not for the previous wife is that the terms originated back in the days before much divorce, so typically once the second wife was in the picture it was because the first wife had passed on and therefore there wasn't much need to know how to introduce her. It's too bad there is not a new coinage.


WOHM to a girl jog.gif (6-11) and a new baby boy stork-boy.gif (2-14) and adjusting to the full-time life and husband being a SAHD. 
erigeron is online now  
#10 of 12 Old 09-25-2011, 09:14 AM
 
Goodmom2008's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

To be honest, I would set her straight. 

 

I am to be referred to as the Mom.  To say otherwise implies that there is more than one mom.  When there isn't.  There's mom and then there's stepmom, who really isn't the mom. 

 

 

Ahimsa and One_Girl like this.
Goodmom2008 is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 09-26-2011, 07:24 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)

I would be offended if anyone called me that and I would definitely set them straight. 

One_Girl is online now  
#12 of 12 Old 09-26-2011, 07:37 PM
 
loriforeman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i think it really depends upon the situation.

 

i'm fully involved in my children's lives, and they live with me full-time.  if someone were to refer to me as "biomom" rather than just mom, yes...i might be bothered.

 

however, i was also a step-parent that made a deal with my daughter's biological mother...she'd give me her kid and i'd continue to pay child support until she was eighteen.  she readily agreed, and i received the most life-changing relationship of my life.  that child IS mine, period...just ask her.  when her father and i split ten years ago, she stayed with me.  she's now 26, and i was just the labor coach for her second child (just as i was with her first) and once again cut the cord...while the other parents in her life didn't even know she was expecting.

 

it's been an emotional evening.  i could see where any involved parent would be upset with the idea that someone else was trying to take over their role.  however, if they aren't filling it, it's a whole 'nuther story.

loriforeman is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off