Would you be offended if your kids step mom referred to you as their biological mom? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 04:55 PM - Thread Starter
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or birth mom?

Just curious.... this was brought up on another thread and it has gotten to me. Wanted to hear replies.




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#2 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 07:09 PM
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Yes I would because it is some how implying that she is their "real" Mum, and that I just gave birth to them. Sadly, it's definitely something I could see STBX girlfriend doing as she seems to have no respect for me as a person or as the children's mother.

It's complicated.
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#3 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 07:26 PM
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Yeah, that's terrible. That's why they call the next wife a stepmom. So it's not confusing. But THAT is a pretty low blow. 

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#4 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 09:16 PM
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I don't co-parent, so I doubt I'll ever have to deal with this sort of thing, but I doubt I'd handle it well. I'm already a little territorial as far as my kids go. Someone referring to my role in the lives of my children (who I not only birthed, but then loved, cared for, and raised) as simply the birth mom would definitely bring out the worst in me.

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#5 of 12 Old 09-20-2011, 11:24 PM
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I concur with previous posters.  It would not only feel awful, it would confuse the kids.

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#6 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 08:10 AM
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Yes, it seems totally unnecessary to make that distinction.  You are the child's mom.  Period.

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#7 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 08:51 AM
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I'll be the first to say, I wouldn't care.  *shrugs*   But I was a stepmom first and I get how it can be tricky ground when trying to explain your blended family to someone... it seems no matter what you are stepping on someone's toes.


I'm of the mindset that I know I'm Mom.  I am the bio Mom.  lol  When you own what you are, no one can make you feel badly about it.  :)

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#8 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 07:33 PM
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I wouldn't be offended if I heard of this happening, I would most likely laugh.  It would be just such a stupid thing for some woman to call me, I couldn't even take it seriously!  If chickie girlfriend wants to call me "biomom" she is not making any statement about me whatsoever...all she is pointing out is her own insecurities and ignorance to anyone who hears it.  Mind you, I am old and mean and I have seen/heard it all when it comes to dumbasses in love.  If ex's new bedbunny wants to get a rise out of me, it will take a lot more than "biomom."  Also my dd is 16 and knows exactly who has done what parenting around here.  So I wouldn't feel too threatened. 

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#9 of 12 Old 09-21-2011, 08:06 PM
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Forum crasher since I'm not a single parent. I wonder if she is simply looking for something less cumbersome than "my husband's first wife" and that doesn't put her out of the picture entirely like "the kids' mom". Maybe she thinks it is more clear that way. I could see her being like "Oh, yeah, that's Stephanie, she's Lizzie's bio-mom" where if she just said "Lizzie's mom" that would make people do the "Wait, I thought YOU were Lizzie's mom" double-take. Personally, hearing that statement, I wouldn't assume Stephanie was no longer involved. "Birth mom" sort of implies something else to me though because that does get used a lot more in an adoption context.


My mom points out that the reason there is a useful term for the second wife (stepmom) and not for the previous wife is that the terms originated back in the days before much divorce, so typically once the second wife was in the picture it was because the first wife had passed on and therefore there wasn't much need to know how to introduce her. It's too bad there is not a new coinage.

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#10 of 12 Old 09-25-2011, 09:14 AM
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To be honest, I would set her straight. 


I am to be referred to as the Mom.  To say otherwise implies that there is more than one mom.  When there isn't.  There's mom and then there's stepmom, who really isn't the mom. 



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#11 of 12 Old 09-26-2011, 07:24 PM
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I would be offended if anyone called me that and I would definitely set them straight. 

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#12 of 12 Old 09-26-2011, 07:37 PM
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i think it really depends upon the situation.


i'm fully involved in my children's lives, and they live with me full-time.  if someone were to refer to me as "biomom" rather than just mom, yes...i might be bothered.


however, i was also a step-parent that made a deal with my daughter's biological mother...she'd give me her kid and i'd continue to pay child support until she was eighteen.  she readily agreed, and i received the most life-changing relationship of my life.  that child IS mine, period...just ask her.  when her father and i split ten years ago, she stayed with me.  she's now 26, and i was just the labor coach for her second child (just as i was with her first) and once again cut the cord...while the other parents in her life didn't even know she was expecting.


it's been an emotional evening.  i could see where any involved parent would be upset with the idea that someone else was trying to take over their role.  however, if they aren't filling it, it's a whole 'nuther story.

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