Manipulative STBX ruining our DS - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-25-2011, 06:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It has taken me years to get here. About a month ago I took my children and left. The following week I went to court and filed temporary orders for custody, support and visitation. He cried poverty, but I get sole custody w/ visitation every weekend, Sat 9 a.m. - Sun 5p.m., which I soon learned was a big mistake for many reasons. I have had to call the police after every visitation because my oldest DS/8.5 in particular, falls apart and refuses to come w/ me, and then their father refuses to co-operate and says thing like " because of your mom, your all going to be in foster care." And "you're ruining these kids and their all going to turn on you." It does not end there by any means. He has had DS call me and ask me personal questions regarding issues between his father and me, and I can hear him coaching DS in the background. DS/13 splits her time between me and her father, who is staying w/ his mother, who is everybit the Apple tree from where he fell. DD/7 won't go w/ him because, in her words, "all he does is say bad things about you and he won't listen when I tell him to stop". Because he owns a business, one that my name has never been on, it would cost me $5000 to hire a lawyer. I have applied for legal assistance and am waiting. We have started therapy for DS/8 and I am going back to court tomorrow to end visitation until stbx goes to a parenting class ale has a psych eval. DS/ 8 has been prone to violent physical outbursts, usually triggers by an argument w/ his older sister, anger w/ his father for not following through or if I try to get him to do something he does not want to to. Even though his dad has let him down on numerous occasions, these outbursts have occured a total 4 times. Two in the last three days. Friday after school, when all of my children and myself were at my brothers house and his two children and his my wonderful SIL were home, DS/8 and DD/13 started to brawl over who was to use the bathroom. My SIL is trained in restraint as she has worked for many years w/ special needs children and adults. We separated the DCs and then had to take turns restraining DS because he was so violent that be would have body is or himself. I called the therapist first and then the police after 15 minutes, it tom them.45 to get there, shift change, and when they arrived they said they would have to take him to EMH. After 6.5 hours there, it was determined that this was a behavioral issue and that we qualify fdifferent services to help us, all of which I will take advantage of. So my question is this, does anyone know what my rights are MA? I'm flying w/o a net for now but I have to act quick. I had to leave him w/ his dad tonight because he jumped out of the car and ran off behind the house. I will get him after school tomorrow, bit I don't want the DCs to be around him while he is poisoning them. It kills me to see DS this way. He tells me that this is all my fault and that he hates me. Biut then after an hour or two at home he is the same sweet lovable boy that I have always known. Any advice?

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Old 09-26-2011, 04:44 AM
 
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Counseling is definitely a good idea.  The kids are going to need the coping skills. 

 

One other thing that you need to be prepared for is that unless you have a whole lot of proof of the verbal abuse (and the judge isn't going to go by what you "overheard" as you are not a nuetral witness at all), you aren't going to be able to end the visits or even get supervised visits with their dad. 

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Old 09-26-2011, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to the court house today and filed further temp orders to amend visitation, on the advice of the "Lawyer of the Day", and I also filed a motion for a Family Investigation by the court psychologist. When stbx called to talk to DS/8 tonight I insisted that he be on speaker phone and then he proceeded to ask my boy why I was doing this to our family. Ugh. I know I will be dealing w/ this sort of behavior from him for a very long time, but I do look forward to looking back on this with a long sigh of relief when the bulk of this is over and the divorce is finalized.

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Old 09-26-2011, 11:47 PM
 
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So sorry to hear all of this.  Sounds like you are on the right path for your kids and you, but it will be rough for awhile. I agree with PP that proof is going to be key - courts generally want to keep both parents in the lives of kids to the extent possible.  A guardian may be able to help, though.  But to the extent you can have non-child witnesses to the behavior, it will help.

 

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Mom to two terrific kiddos, affirming every day that the Universe is unfolding as it should and all is well...

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Old 09-27-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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What a rough time - you've got the wheels in action - another thing I wanted to suggest is to ask your lawyer if in your state it's okay to record phone conversations so a court can hear the garbage your ex says to the kids.  And record every time!

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