Is this "fair" (in the eyes of the courts)? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-05-2011, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
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Baby's father was abusive towards me and my older son, threatened to take baby out of the country.  Moved three hours away to live with family.  Judge told us to set up supervised visitation halfway between the two homes and that I should pay for the supervisor because I moved away.  Judge gave no other instructions other than she will be allowing me to relocate and that she does not want to "babysit this case anymore", so if she sees us again, there will be Hell to pay.  I found a place at the halfway point that's $55 an hour.  I was gonna set it up for every other week for an hour.  My baby... he cannot tolerate strangers, will be hysterical from start to finish, whether it's a 5 minute visit or a 5 hour visit.  So my lawyer and the father's lawyer have been going back and forth because the father doesn't want to work with me at all- this is his property (oops, I meant to say "son") and he wants him now.  They had a 5-10 minute visit last week at the court house and my son SCREAMED the entire time, and his father pinned him to his chest in a "bear hug" and insisted on planting endless kisses all over my son, even though my son was struggling to get away.  My son was terrified- this was some stranger who took him away from his Mommy.  He had not seen his father in the last 6 of his 8 months.  He's insisting that we do a minimum of two hour visits because the train ride for him is 5 hours and it's "only worth the travel if the visits are a minimum of two hours".  It has not come up yet, but I suspect that he will also insist on every week, not every other weekend.  Two hours every other week is half my income.  Not only can I not afford it to spend my entire income on the needed supervision, but two hours at a time to be taken from the only parent he's known and stuck with a stranger who refuses to take note in the baby's cues.  I need to keep a low profile so he doesn't bring me back to court in the next 46 days, because technically, I'm still a NY resident and in that judge's jurisdiction.  Would the courts think that one hour every two weeks, given the circumstances (domestic violence, no bond between parent and child, 3 hours between homes) is enough, or would they veer more towards an intense visitation schedule, like every week, or longer than an hour or two, which would put me in the hole financially?

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#2 of 4 Old 10-05-2011, 06:43 PM
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I think that should be sufficient and if he wants more he can fight for it. Just my opinion no legal expertise.




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#3 of 4 Old 10-05-2011, 09:05 PM
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That sounds fair to me, but you should really be talking to your lawyer about it.

It's complicated.
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#4 of 4 Old 10-05-2011, 09:18 PM
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i have not much advice except to say that courts seem to think that with little ones shorter more frequent visits are best. i can understand 2 hours being too long but 1 hour every two weeks means you will be starting all over with your sons attachment to this man. if he doesn't see him weekly or every other week he will likely not remember him and be a mess every time, which is what you want to avoid right? perhaps he can pay for every other one? 


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