moving in with the folks :/ - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 10-15-2011, 11:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So a little background: I left my husband 10 months ago and have been on my own (he hasnt chipped in his share of CS really at all) living in a 2 br apt. and working since April at my job as a gardener. Well as you can imagine that job is seasonal and is ending at the end of this month. I get my job back in april again but have been going nuts trying to figure out how the kids and I would mkake it through the winter. I barely get by now and my kids spend 10 hours a day in daycare/preschool :/ I came to the relization that my only option was to move in with my parents. My mom is out of work right now and can watch the kids during the day which will be huge! they will be soooo much happier and I will not have to worry so much about them. My paretns own their home so it is a very inexpensive place to live, I will be able to help them out a lot with utilities and groceries even if I have to take a job that doesn't pay as much as I make now I will be doing a lot better then I am now. Also the thought of having daily help with the kids is so refreshing! I will be able to do things like go for a run or visit with friends again any night or day of the week! Where I live now is 2 hours from my parents and everyone I know so it has not only been hard but lonely too.

 

So those are all the pros of living with my parents again, the cons...well living with my parents again and giving up my space! Also I did sign a lease on this apt and am having to break that and I feel like a jerk :/

I guess I am looking for support from other single moms who are or have had to live with their parents again after a divorce.

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#2 of 7 Old 10-15-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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I just posted a long response to a response in a thread in the Parenting general forum about this:

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1332524/multi-generational-living-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly

 

Overall, my experience has been a great one, and we have chosen to continue living together because the advantages have outweighed the disadvantages. The lack of intimacy and personal space isn't such a big deal and will be resolved next year when we renovate the basement into a studio for me.

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#3 of 7 Old 10-15-2011, 05:00 PM
 
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Hmmm... Well, I moved my mother in with me last spring at the beginning of my third trimester. At first, I could hardly stand it and I was going crazy. It's tough. I had no idea how tough it would be. Honestly, I've really had to adjust quite a bit to living with my mother... not just giving up the personal space, although that is a huge one for me, but also living with all of those old expectations that I thought I'd worked through, but apparently didn't. Blech.

 

In the long run though, it's been the best thing and my mother must really love me because I know I can't be easy to live with either. I would NEVER have been able to do this without help and she has been a tremendous help to me. She watches my little guy when I am in classes and even though I thought I'd be able to take him with me to school, that is just so not the case in reality. I've had to bite my tongue a lot and so has she. I know it won't be a long-term thing. Maybe a year or so until I get my degree and get back on my feet, so I really have to make a decision every day to deal with the bad, because it's outweighed by the benefits for me and for my son. And I'm sure she's making the same decision, as it benefits her financially to live with me and provide childcare in lieu of rent. We do what we have to do to make it through life as best as we can, and we seek out support to get through it when times are tough, right? 


Moo.

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#4 of 7 Old 10-17-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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If I were in your situation I would do the same thing and move "home".  When I left my STBX my parents asked me to bring the kids and live with them.  Instead I went and got help from some local charity type thing to help getting families back on their feet.  It's what worked for me and my kids.  I was very close to taking my parents up on their offer though.


: Mother (4/11/06) to Josephine and (4/23/09) to Oliver and baby (due June 1st)

Babies: Angel (6/29/02), Tiberius (3/8/11), Lillianna (12/27/11)

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#5 of 7 Old 10-18-2011, 02:24 PM
 
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DS and I lived with my parents for about 9-10 months after I left XH.  It was a great decision at the time, and I would do it again...but only as a last resort, and only if we had a very clear understanding of financial and babysitting expectations up front.  It was too hard (for me) to have to deal with the combination of a) impending divorce, b) having to abide by my parents' rules/expectations after all these years, and c) a huge loss of personal space and independence.  I finally ended up moving out in a bit of a hurry because I was afraid my relationship with my parents would be too damaged if we stayed much longer.  :-(  

 

Now we live in the same town, DS and I have our own house, and we visit back and forth daily.  MUCH better!  ;-) 


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#6 of 7 Old 10-28-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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It sounds like your parents are very supportive.

 

Mine aren't so much and they love to treat me like I'm 12.  I've been here for over a year and a half now.  :-(  And it has not gotten any easier.  But I have no choice, most of my money goes to daycare costs.  If I could be out, I would be.  I envy the people who have a more functional relationship with their parents where they actually treat them at least as an adult and without constant criticism.

 

I think for people with healthy relationships with their parents, it likely is really nice and a bit of a break from doing everything on your own.


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#7 of 7 Old 10-30-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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I was (and still am) pregnant with my first when I decided to leave abusive baby daddy. I came home (600 miles difference) to be with my family and live with my parents. It's been REALLY hard adjusting to the fact that I live with my parents and will be having a baby here too..but it IS MUCH better than the alternative. It's noisy here as there's 3 cats and a dog and brother and his girlfriend and my parents in a not-big-enough house. BUT, I'm better off here. And my future is getting back on track (I'm in school..working when I can..etc) so..there are pros and cons. You'll be ok. (: EVERYTHING will work out like it's supposed to. 


Kaitlyn - 21, single mother to an adorable baby girl born 1/18/2012 (:

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