Still not excited... - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-15-2011, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm currently six months pregnant with my first child, a son. When I first found out I was scared, but kind of excited, especially when my boyfriend was so happy with the news. Now though, I find myself thinking horrible thoughts about miscarriage (I haven't had an easy pregnancy and it's still a possibility), and what my life would be like right now if I wasn't pregnant, or what my life is going to be like once I have my baby. I'm currently unemployed, I was in the process of being laid off when I found out I was pregnant. Now it's practically impossible to find a job due to my need for maternity leave in a few months. All I can think about is how I can't go back to school as soon as I was planning, or how I didn't really get to enjoy my youth since I lived at home for so long. I'm 22 years old, lived on my own for one year, and now, I'll never be alone again. Am I a horrible person for resenting this child so much? I do love him, and I can't wait to meet him, but I'm scared because I do have these thoughts and I worry that I won't be a good mother to him. My boyfriend is super happy about the pregnancy, and my parents aren't thrilled, but they've accepted it. They love the baby, but are still upset about the circumstances. Many of my friends feel the same way as my parents, or they react as many young people do, "Ew, a baby?" I feel like there's no one I can talk to.

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Old 11-15-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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No, you sounds like you are dealing with loss, loss of the life you envisioned. I had my son at 19, he is now 19 and I will be honest I did not enjoy my pregnancy with him at all but he is now the light of my life along with his sister. Give yourself time to grieve and time to accept the changes, I often joke it's one reason pregnancy is 9 months, to give us time to adjust.


Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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