Do you get a holiday present for your ex? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 12-04-2011, 09:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My ex and I don't exactly get along, but are doing much much better than we have before. I'm thinking about getting him and his wife a holiday present from ds and I (they teach yoga and I saw this really cool book on the anatomy of yoga). It seems it would be a nice gesture. The problem is i'm really tight financially (broke?). Do you get your ex a present?

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#2 of 14 Old 12-04-2011, 02:06 PM
 
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Um that would be a big hells no!

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#3 of 14 Old 12-04-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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I don't do Christmas presents for xh since he has a wife and I figure she can take kids shopping for him but sometimes if we are out and about and kids see something they want to get him that's small I will get it.

Also for mothers day xh gets me something from kids he takes them to pick out and even his wife( girlfriend then) made cards for me one year with kids and she hates me.  So we pick something out for her on mothers day to.... even if it makes me cringe I want to foster a relationship with her and my kids.... and she is their step mother....

If you don't have the money I would not do it.  Get a card- also a nice gesture- or blow up a nice picture of your child(ren?) and give it to him in a frame or something.  Prob cheaper and just as nice.


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#4 of 14 Old 12-05-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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No way.  I am on reasonably amicable terms with my ex, but I would not give him a gift.


- single homeschooling mom to 16, 14, almost-12, and 10
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#5 of 14 Old 12-05-2011, 10:46 AM
 
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nope, but I do pay for the kids get him something  and he pays for what they get for me.  I also sometimes choose what they give him (like if he's mentioned something specific he'd like, and he's done the same for me. We also do the same for Mother's/ Father's Day and birthdays. It's usually less than $20 per gift.


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#6 of 14 Old 12-05-2011, 10:56 AM
 
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My exh use to give me the occasional gift but not so much anymore.  (I think new wife put a stop to it.)   He and his wife do buy my kids Christmas presents and I buy their son a present.  

 

I will probably have my kids pick out something for stbxh because I know he will buy me something.  He likes to make things as awkward for me as possible.  


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#7 of 14 Old 12-05-2011, 05:27 PM
 
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Even when my sons father was around *I* didnt' get him anything.  Now my son was much younger (under 5) so I would take him shopping for his father.  I would always keep it under $10 since the man never ever appreciated anything.

I might get the cookbook and make it a gift from your kid(s)


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#8 of 14 Old 12-05-2011, 06:13 PM
 
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Well, not from me, but I will pay for a few small presents for ex from the kiddos, but I am sure he will not do the same.  I did the exact same thing for his birthday and Father's Day (and he got nothing for me from them, so I bought stuff for me from them :) ).  

 

Plus I have the kids make presents and buy pix and frames for all his family (like last year, this year I will get the frames at the Dollar store).  But I am still in litigation and trying to prove that I will keep the children well-connected to their paternal family and father should I win custody at the end of the litigation (I was awarded during-custody litigation).  

 

I have been thinking about getting him a parenting book....but I think I will wait until after the custody battle is settled or won... lol.gif


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#9 of 14 Old 12-05-2011, 06:17 PM
 
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I always took the high road with my ex and helped our son get him a gift for Father's Day, birthday, and Christmas.  He almost never reciprocated, but that was fine...my whole approach with it was to show my son that I had respect for the man with whom I created him.  Would I get him a present FROM me, independent of our child?  Absolutely not.

 

ETA:  Our son is now 16.  A couple years back, I encouraged him to do a "Top Ten Reasons I Love You" list for his dad.  It is still framed in his dad's house.  That is a free present and one that apparently meant quite a bit to him.  If your child is too young for that kind of thing to be written or dictated, you could always trace his hand and have him color it.  A frame from the Dollar Store & you can be done.  Goodwill and all.


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#10 of 14 Old 12-06-2011, 06:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tccandlsccmom View Post

 

I have been thinking about getting him a parenting book....but I think I will wait until after the custody battle is settled or won... lol.gif


Love it!!!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

 

ETA:  Our son is now 16.  A couple years back, I encouraged him to do a "Top Ten Reasons I Love You" list for his dad.  It is still framed in his dad's house.  That is a free present and one that apparently meant quite a bit to him.  If your child is too young for that kind of thing to be written or dictated, you could always trace his hand and have him color it.  A frame from the Dollar Store & you can be done.  Goodwill and all.



This is a fantastic idea! Mind if I steal it? Not sure if my three boys would be able to come up with a list of 10, but we could have a lt of fun talking about it and doing it!!

 

Personally I am finding it very hard to be charitable on this subject. It's hard encouraging my children to buy/make sbx a Christmas gift, as he really is being such an &^$^ right now. I'm going to, just because I know it is the right thing to do for my children.  Someone has to set a good example of how to behave.

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#11 of 14 Old 12-06-2011, 10:27 AM
 
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Nope. All of my money that I could use to buy him a present (from either me or DD) went to my lawyer feels because he decided to get nasty.

 

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#12 of 14 Old 12-07-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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That is very nice of you. Each relationship is different so a blanket ban on buying presents for ex-spouses doesn't fit everyone. BUT you said you can't afford it so I'm going to have to say you shouldn't buy it.


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#13 of 14 Old 12-08-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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Well no, but we pretty much stopped giving each other gifts several years before the marriage ended. I do facilitate my kids doing something for a gift for their dad. I love the framed list idea! I also make sure they have something to give his parents. Usually it is something home made.

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#14 of 14 Old 12-09-2011, 06:13 AM
 
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For sure, each relationship is different and what works for one doesn't work for another. I'm planning on printing about 25 photos of DS from the last couple years and putting them in an inexpensive photo album as DS's gift to his dad. If I get around to it. 


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