how to battle the big differences between parents? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-26-2011, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so, i have been a single mom forever, but have never had to share my babies or the choices i make in our lives. never had to defend my values before, but here i am.....

 

      the kiddo i am thinking of hasn't even started eating solids yet, so i have a minute to figure out how his dad and i can work this out. but ladies, i need help! there may never be an answer i like, but would love to hear how others have worked through battles of this sort....

 

    i opt to eat healthy, organic, vegetarian foods. i don't often feed my kids sugar or junk foods....we don't even eat out much at all, except for a few places in our town that offer some local, organic meals. feeding us well is a realllllllly big deal to me. my littlest one's papa? not quite on the same page.

 

   or even a page from the same book.

 

   he is an avid lover of junk food. he aims to experience "all of life's pleasures" and does not discriminate with what he eats. donuts and pulled pork sandwiches and tyson's chicken nuggets and vending machine dinners......no judgement on any of you fine folks who are with him on the food front, it's just not where i'm at. i want my kids to be full on kale and avocado and curried lentils and cucumber tomato salads....

 

  what to do when your child's other parent has such a different diet? is there any way you've been able to finagle some compromise? btdt, please talk to me. i feel frantic about this. i am really not okay with my 2 year old eating candy or donuts or pulled pork sandwiches. if this is my hill to die on, so be it.

 

 


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#2 of 6 Old 12-26-2011, 11:20 PM
 
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Well... I;m going to guess this is the child's father.  When the child is with the father, he can pretty much do as he pleases, again assuming no allergies etc.  I think its good for kids to experience different views and ways of doing things.  As much as DS father was a jerk I didn't complain when he actually fed the kiddo.  My child ate 99% of his meals with me.  The 1% with his father wasn't going to do much damage.

 

Your kiddo is going to spend 'most' of his time with you.  You can either make it 'a hill to die on' or you can embrace what is coming and just deal with it.

 

My kiddo has some great memories of time with his dad.  He won't ever be able to spend time with him again and had I created a 'hill to die on' his memories would be even fewer.


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#3 of 6 Old 12-26-2011, 11:35 PM
 
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Agree.

I haven't had to deal with this so much on the co-parenting front (soda and artificial sweeteners have been the worst IMO) but as someone who was a vegetarian for 20 years, then began eating meat and now will occasionally eat take out burgers and drink Coke, all the while striving for a more raw and paleo diet, I can appreciate your concern and say unequivocally that it is NOT the biggest battle you should choose. His choices may be abhorrent to you, but they cause no real, long term damage. Please save your warrior energy in case you need it for something life changing, because his crappy diet just isn't in the big scheme of things.


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#4 of 6 Old 12-27-2011, 12:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jess in hawaii View Post
 I can appreciate your concern and say unequivocally that it is NOT the biggest battle you should choose. His choices may be abhorrent to you, but they cause no real, long term damage. Please save your warrior energy in case you need it for something life changing, because his crappy diet just isn't in the big scheme of things.


Absolutely. This is one you will just have to work on accepting.

 

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#5 of 6 Old 12-27-2011, 10:41 PM
 
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I have to agree with the other ladies here. This is just something you're going to have to accept. Unless the father is willing to talk with you and compromise about this then there is no way you can make him. My kids are 6yo and 3yo and are with their Dad two days a week. I have no idea what they eat while they are there, and I don't even have the right to ask. Just as he doesn't have the right to question me about what I feed the boys when they're with me.


It's complicated.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-29-2011, 06:46 AM
 
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I agree that it's not a hill to die on. If you have a pretty good relationship, you could have a respectful conversation, maybe share the way that you're feeding the kids and have a discussion about the topic -- but it's true that his input carries as much weight as yours. I totally get it -- when my DS is with his dad's family, he get McDonald's and ungodly amounts of treats. I've talked with him about limiting the junk to a more reasonable amount, but ultimately that's not something I need to control.


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