Mamas - I've been a single parent since DD was 1 (she's 4.5 now) and this past September moved in with the man I had been dating for a year or so. I'm a full time student with a job on campus, but am mainly living on student loans so that I can finish my degree. I will be starting grad school in the Fall, hopefully with a TAship. My partner and I have decided to split up, realizing that our long-term goals and what we want for our lives aren't meshing. Part of me is going through the self-criticism phase of asking why I moved here to begin with, why I thought this was a good idea, what is wrong with me that I didn't know beforehand that this would be a disaster, how could I do this to my daughter, and so on. The other part of me is strong, and I'm confident in my decision to end the relationship.
Here's where I'm unsure: we live in a two bedroom apartment near campus. The plan was for my daughter and I to move in with my mother, who is 40 minutes away from school/work. This means I'm not only paying rent to my mother, but also a ridiculous amount of money in gas that is almost comparable to just staying here:
$400/mo in rent to mom
$300/mo in gas (filling up every 4 days or so with a 40 minute commute each way, every day)
stay here: $750/mo rent, and maybe $100/mo in gas. Obviously neither of these calculations factor in wear and tear on the car, not to mention a 40 minute drive after a 9 hour day and then getting home and having to do homework, bath, dinner, and so on. I'm also nervous that with the drive, I'm going to be subject to the freeway which, if there is construction or an accident, I won't be able to make it to school or work because there's not a decent alternative route.
Have any of you taken on a roommate? What about taking on a roommate in a smaller space? I would put DD and I in one bedroom, the living room is decent sized with a smaller room off of it that could be used as the playroom for DD, and there would be the second room for whomever stayed here. I get nervous, though, because DD wakes up frequently during the night and is quite stubborn, and I'm afraid that taking on a single person as a roommate, they will get frustrated with the battles between her and I as she tests her limits, as every 4yo does.
Have any of you done this? Or, would you move back in with your parents and deal with the drive for the sake of simplicity/stability/more space?
(sort of) single mama to one 7/21/07. student, breastfeeding advocate, writer
I think it would definitely depend on the roommate. If you can find someone understanding enough (or maybe another single mom) I think it would be totally worth it to live there and go that route.
My problem isn't so much the living with your parents, but the commuting. I commuted last year, and it made me so resentful to have to take that time away from my DD. If you can live closer, do it!!
Good luck with whatever you choose!
DH, me, DD '11 and a new born at home April '14!
Not sure what kind of school you are attending but if they have an early childhood education program, maybe you could advertise the apartment in that department and more likely get someone who is understanding?
Mom to 11 y.o. lawyer, 9 y.o. actor, and 4 y.o. pilot. I believe 'em on those, too!
|Single , Single Parenting|