Anyone want to share their custody arrangement? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 02-29-2012, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
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So x and I have been separated three months and have been arranging Childcare/ custody on a adhoc basis. Ex is self employed and I work shifts, dd8 is in school and dd4 is in nursery 8am til 5am.

He has been at the house with the children while i work and he leaves to go to his new place when I get home, I feel it's time to explain the situation to the children and have them stays at his when it's his 'turn' to have them.

I was thinking that he carries on having the kids when the are not in school/nursery and I have then at other times and also he has them at his place eow

Any ideas or suggestions? Anyone what to share how things work for them?
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#2 of 3 Old 03-03-2012, 08:06 PM
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I would think the 8 yr old has some idea of what is going on, possibly the 4 yr old as well?  I would not be ok with ex hanging out at 'my' place with out me there (even it was 'our' place before).  It does not sound like you hang out at 'his' place, ya know?


I would sit down and tell the girls what is going on, in words they can understand.  You may need to do this separately because the 8 yr old is going to understand more than the 4 yr old.


FWIW, I have full custody (legal and physical) of DS and his father is not involved.  His father has not been around for the past 5-6 years. (10/2006)  Before that contact was minimal at best and maybe 1-2 hrs a week- usually at my place or something like McDonalds etc.  His father was not well in many aspects and his home was not a safe place to be.  


DS is aware of his father and the missing status.  He was 6 when everything happened and he knew then what was going on.  So at 8 your DD should be able to process a divorce and separation/visitation. 

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#3 of 3 Old 03-03-2012, 11:12 PM
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We kept our schedule as similar to what the kids were already used to as possible. Luckily, XH moved into the house next door, which made that easier. They nearly always spent the mornings with him so we continued that until this last year, they would go to his house when they woke up until it was time to go to school/work. Then they would spend Sundays with him, and then we added in every other Saturday after the first year or so. We added in 2 weekday nights sometime in the first year, first one on Tuesdays when I had a regular school meeting and then added Thursday at some point. My little one was only 3 when XH moved out so we went very slow on overnights, with them being with him until bedtime and then coming home to sleep for many months.

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