I am down today as I'm at a crossroads about our housing situation. A house I own (needs work!!) is not in the right school district, but is in a beautiful area. I've been renting the lovely house I'm in... but, it will no longer be available at the end of this school year. Have been searching high & low for a new place and am striking-out on finding something in our school district.
So, I'm freaking out.
Wondering if this inability to find a new house for us is some kind of cosmic sign that I'm not in the right place. I moved to this area by default. We'd built the house (needs work) my ex-H wanted to build in the town he wanted to build in. I preferred another State. When I first moved here upon separating from ex-H, it felt right. Now, I think that "rightness" was more about the good decision to get divorced than the town I ended up in.
The past two years have been such a struggle to get a foothold in building a new Life. Is it supposed to be this hard?? I don't know. I'm thinking maybe it is not. I'm thinking maybe things aren't working out because they're not supposed to. This isn't the right thing.
On a gut level, I don't even know. I don't have that feeling like everything will "be okay" any more. I don't have that feeling that "this is it," headed in the right direction.
So, I'm letting go of my need to be here. I'm putting my things in storage and when the kids get out of school... I'm going on a road trip with the kids to Maine. I'm going home to see if it feels "right" to me. I'll be there for about a month. If nothing else, maybe it will help me remember who I used to be. If I decided to come back, or I decided to stay in Maine... it will be because I decided... not because I owned a house in a town I never wanted to live in.
I've been banging my head against a wall to make things work. Mainly to give the kids stability of school systems. But, I need to be able to breathe. To feel like it is working.
Yes, it is time for a road trip.
A lot of my life lately feels like driving full speed into a brick wall. And then having the screen writers from Ground Hog Day work their magic, reset it and force me to repeat it until I get it right.
Whatever happens, I think it's the journey and not the destination that matters. I can't tell you that everything will be okay, but for your sake I really hope that it will be, and that your journey in getting there will help you find that okay place. And do enjoy Maine! I've never been but the photos I see always look stunning!
What a wonderful plan! I am right there with you on looking for a new home in a good school district. I live in a relatively wealthy part of the city right now, but once I move out of the marrital home I will not be able to aford a house here, or apartment. Ever place I have looked at has really bad schools near by. It's gut wrenching! Friends are trying to help, but they suggest places that do not alow animals, and I really can't face giving our dog or cats away! How can I abandon them, the same way ex has abandoned me? It's got to the point that I just want to go back home to England, but I can't rip the kids away from their dad, not until I really have no choice.
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