Ex is mad about CS so refuses to see kids as planned - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 2 Old 05-24-2012, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
divorcesucks's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My ex-husband has actually REDUCED the time he sees the kids because the court ordered him to pay child support. He is MAD that he has to pay for his kids. So now, I guess as punishment to ME, he is refusing to take them during the scheduled times. It is not punishment to me, I love my kids. It is actually punishment to THEM. He is being so crazy. It hurts me so much that he doesn't want to spend time with his kids and that he is hurting them by not bonding with them as much as he could be.

divorcesucks is offline  
#2 of 2 Old 05-24-2012, 08:44 AM
 
MeepyCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,774
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 54 Post(s)

Those are very ill-considered and short-sighted actions on your ex's part.  Counterproductive.  Idiotic.  The kind of thing that leads to no one ever visiting you when you live in a nursing home.  I really can't say enough bad things about the choices he is making here.

 

The problem, of course, is how to help your kids deal with the way he's acting, preserving their self-confidence and self-worth as much as possible in face of their dad's hurtful behavior.  Ideally, you will raise them into healthy adults, and the person who suffers most from their dad's behavior will be their dad.

 

How old are they?  How have they been coping with the divorce so far?  How do they feel about seeing their dad? 

 

You and your kids all deserve better than this.  You deserve for the people in your lives to love and appreciate and support you.  This guy, however, is what he is.  You can't change how he feels or behaves.  You can, however, control your behavior - you can protect yourselves from him by limiting your expectations and making sure you have other sources for emotional support and validation.  (Now is probably not the point to tell the kids that divorcing the guy was one means of protecting yourself from his irrational behavior, but you can keep it in mind yourself, and they'll probably figure it out when they're older.) 

 

Also:  Document this stuff.  If he's refusing to take the kids during shared custody times, you may be able to get custody and support orders reevaluated in the future.  If he's skipping visitation, there's not so much you can do, but document anyway.

Cyllya likes this.
MeepyCat is online now  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off