Ex is mad about CS so refuses to see kids as planned - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 05-24-2012, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
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My ex-husband has actually REDUCED the time he sees the kids because the court ordered him to pay child support. He is MAD that he has to pay for his kids. So now, I guess as punishment to ME, he is refusing to take them during the scheduled times. It is not punishment to me, I love my kids. It is actually punishment to THEM. He is being so crazy. It hurts me so much that he doesn't want to spend time with his kids and that he is hurting them by not bonding with them as much as he could be.

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#2 of 2 Old 05-24-2012, 08:44 AM
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Those are very ill-considered and short-sighted actions on your ex's part.  Counterproductive.  Idiotic.  The kind of thing that leads to no one ever visiting you when you live in a nursing home.  I really can't say enough bad things about the choices he is making here.


The problem, of course, is how to help your kids deal with the way he's acting, preserving their self-confidence and self-worth as much as possible in face of their dad's hurtful behavior.  Ideally, you will raise them into healthy adults, and the person who suffers most from their dad's behavior will be their dad.


How old are they?  How have they been coping with the divorce so far?  How do they feel about seeing their dad? 


You and your kids all deserve better than this.  You deserve for the people in your lives to love and appreciate and support you.  This guy, however, is what he is.  You can't change how he feels or behaves.  You can, however, control your behavior - you can protect yourselves from him by limiting your expectations and making sure you have other sources for emotional support and validation.  (Now is probably not the point to tell the kids that divorcing the guy was one means of protecting yourself from his irrational behavior, but you can keep it in mind yourself, and they'll probably figure it out when they're older.) 


Also:  Document this stuff.  If he's refusing to take the kids during shared custody times, you may be able to get custody and support orders reevaluated in the future.  If he's skipping visitation, there's not so much you can do, but document anyway.

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