Xh and daycare - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-03-2012, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I used to post here but took a long break when things seemed to have settled down with my xh. Well he's back at his old tricks.
The most recent is him demanding that i put our children into daycare. Our kids were in a daycare but they were having injuries and getting sick a lot and just generally not being cared for well. My xh and i talked and we agreed to allow my fiance to watch our kids in my home full time and to homeschool them. We are both paying him 500 each/month to do this. (He is about 3 semesters away from a teaching degree but dropped out of school for personal reasons).
Now suddenly (because xh didn't get his way about something) he is demanding that i put the kids back in daycare. Can he do this legally? My kids are happy and love being at home with their "pops." My oldest has learned so much in the last few months and is finally where he needs to be to start kindy this fall. The baby has finally potty trained (after months of failure at the daycare cause they weren't attending to him). They are both thriving being at home and i don't want that to change.

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#2 of 8 Old 06-03-2012, 10:15 PM
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Do you have an attorney? It might be worthwhile to check with one. If your children are doing well at home I see no reason why this situation needs to change but in my experience thus far the courts can be a tad unpredictable, and laws vary from place to place. Having someone advise you never hurts.
 

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#3 of 8 Old 06-04-2012, 03:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have an appt with my atty on wed. I am hoping that nothing has to change.

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#4 of 8 Old 06-04-2012, 08:45 AM
 
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I'd say that they kids are in daycare, which is provided by your fiance'. I don't think the courts can say where your kids are cared for or who does the caring unless there is something VERY wrong with it. Generally, the parents split any daycare costs, which you are. The courts usually don't like to get in between arguments of where the kids go.


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#5 of 8 Old 06-04-2012, 08:59 AM
 
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Does your ex think that if the kids are in a professional daycare setting (as opposed to, essentially, the "nanny care" they have now, quotation marks because your fiance is obviously not a nanny) he will magically be on the hook for *less* than $500 a month?  I don't know where you live, but two kids, times whatever daycare costs, times supplemental care to cover the inflexibility of daycare... even with the best of daycares, it adds up fast.

 

I'd be interested to hear what your attorney has to say, but I think you can make the argument that the current arrangement is much better for the kids, and that the flexibility of a family member as care provider is a significant economic benefit to both you and your ex, even if ex is being petty right now.

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#6 of 8 Old 06-04-2012, 09:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Nah, daycare is way more. We are saving 4000/yr by paying my fiance to do it. I had a full dcs/tbi background check on my SO at my expense. The kids are in their own home, they have a very structured day there. I have pics of some of the injuries my youngest got at daycare.
My ex thinks he can control me with this. He's abusive and was for 9 yrs when we were together. I've am just tired of living in fear of him. I thought getting divorced might stop it but i am still being yelled at, cussed and belittled regularly. I'm exhausted and sick all the time because of him.

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#7 of 8 Old 06-10-2012, 07:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, my atty says he can't. It falls under day to day decision making, not education because it's daycare/childcare, and we both have decision making when the kids are with us. Since he only has them wed 6pm to thurs 9am and then fri and sat nights every other week, it falls under my decision making.
He's pissed and now tells me he won't pay cs and is refusing to give me his last years tax info (i've already given him mine). He will likely refuse to pay for childcare this month. I suppose we'll be filing a motion for contempt here soon.

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#8 of 8 Old 06-10-2012, 10:26 AM
 
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What a rotten man playing games like this. Is your attoney including request for fees in these contempt motions?

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