How long did you wait.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 05:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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after seperating before going on the first date?

 

My husband and I had been planning to seperate since February 2012, we knew it was happening but for convenience I stayed in the home until this month. I moved out two weeks ago.

 

However, I have been asked out on a date (already!) by an old friend/ high school boyfriend that I haven't seen in 12 years, and I'm unsure if I should go. I really want to, but I'm scared that it's just way too soon. Not because I'm still emotionally attached to my ex (I am sooooo over him) but mostly because I worry about what other people will think. Also, I figured that I would wait to even go out one time until I had the divorce finalized. But I had been planning to leave for two years (he only knew about it starting in Feb, but I knew about it long before) and I feel like I've been single waaaay longer than the official two week timeline. I don't want a serious relationship again, but this guy is pretty perfect, and I also would like the chance to catch up with him.  

 

So...what did you do, and if you were me, would you go?

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#2 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 06:04 AM
 
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I would go.  If he really ends up being perfect for you, then you can throw timing out the window.  If he ends up not being your cup of tea anymore, then it won't matter.  Don't worry about what other people think.  Good luck!

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#3 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 09:34 AM
 
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It took me two years, but that was more due to lack of actually meeting eligble men than a choice...and I've only been on one! :-)

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#4 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 09:35 AM
 
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It was less than a month from when XH moved out but we'd had separate rooms for 3 months prior and a few months of not really together anymore before that. It was good for me to get out in the dating world again and feel desired, though I wish I'd kept things more casual - I ended up falling into a year-long relationship that wasn't really right for me, though I am very grateful for the support and company that guy gave me when I was newly single and dealing with sharing the kids, etc.

 

In general, I recommend doing what you REALLY want and ignoring what anyone else might think about it =)


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#5 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 09:42 AM
 
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Years. I felt strongly that if I went too quickly I would find myself right back in the same relationship with a different person. I needed time to heal.
 

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#6 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 06:54 PM
 
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It took me 9 months to even begin to think of other men, then almost another 9 months to think of dating rather than just having flings, but my seperation was very sudden. I had always lknown divorce was in our future, but thought not until kids had flown the coop kind of thing. It really doesn't have anything to do with what anyone else thinks, it's how you feel that matters.

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#7 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 06:56 PM
 
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I waited about 10 or 11 months, and did a lot of work (and continue to do a lot of work) on myself after leaving a long-term abusive relationship.  It was still iffy, as the first guy that I was drawn to was a jerk, and i knew it, but i craved the attention so badly.  Exercise caution, run everything by friends that you trust if you can.


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#8 of 8 Old 06-09-2012, 10:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your thoughts!

 

And...I already went. Tonight. I think it was good. For one, he is an old friend. And two, he's SUCH a nice guy and absolutely nothing happened. I think we accidentally bumped into each other at one point, but that was the only physical contact.

 

I had a good time, and I'd like to go out again some time, perhaps have a slightly less-chaste date. Haha! It was good to catch up with him, regardless of whatever else happens.

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