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-   -   My ex is willing to pay $500/month... (http://www.mothering.com/forum/234-single-parenting/1357671-my-ex-willing-pay-500-month.html)

MariesMama 07-09-2012 08:00 PM

...just to make me crazy.  He has no desire to actually talk to (let alone see) DD, and now that he's brought up visitation he is completely ignoring my request to outline it.  Total black hole.  I know that I shouldn't call him about it, and that he's doing this to make me nutty.  Part of me wants to call him but I'm shutting that part up. 

 

What do you do when the other parent stops communicating?  Ignore?  Engage? 

 

(Meeting with my lawyer again next month.  Grr...)


Goodmom2008 07-10-2012 03:41 AM

Engaging is pointless when the other parent won't communicate with you.  So don't (this will have the added benefit of driving him nuts as his plan to drive you crazy is backfiring on him).  All you need to do, to show the courts that you are willing to work with your ex, is e-mail your stbx issues concerning your child and asking him about what he is looking for in a parenting plan.  If he refuses to acknowledge or discuss the issue with you, well, there's not much you can do about it. 

 

Just present a parenting plan to the courts that involve the standard EOW and a dinner during the week.  Unless your child is under 3, then I would put in even less overnights.  You tried to get his opinion and he ignored you.  


AnyaRose 07-10-2012 06:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post

Engaging is pointless when the other parent won't communicate with you.

I completely agree with this... I would send my ex detailed emails at first asking what he thought about certain things... and he would respond with one or two cold sentences if at all. It's not worth your time to be treated that way. If I were you, I would try to realize that this guy isn't going to stand up for anything for his kid(s) and you need to start choosing things for them.


Kate&Joey 07-10-2012 08:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post

Just present a parenting plan to the courts that involve the standard EOW and a dinner during the week.  Unless your child is under 3, then I would put in even less overnights.  You tried to get his opinion and he ignored you.  

 

Agreed.  I submitted multiple separation / divorce agreements as drafted by my attorney; XH ignored them all.  Finally, the judge signed off on a standard decree with monthly visitation, two weeks in the summer, minimal holidays, and child support.

 

Every month, I send XH an email with his running tally of what he owes.  He doesn't respond, but I keep a record of my communication with him (and his lack of communication).

 

 

But I'm confused, he's offering child support but doesn't want to discuss parenting time?  Does he want parenting time?  What is your state's policy on calculating child support?  Mine is based on income, not time spent.  What does your attorney say?


MariesMama 07-10-2012 06:40 PM

He had claimed to want visitation, but has now disappeared again.  He hasn't talked to DD in a year and a half, hasn't seen her in three and a half years, but when I offered to waive all support, pay his back support AND all obligations to the state, in exchange for him terminating his rights, he freaked out.  Ex also never asked about DD once in all of our back and forth about DH adopting DD and didn't ask to speak to her.


Goodmom2008 07-11-2012 04:05 AM

Since your dh is willing to adopt your daughter, go to court (typically, rights and financial responsibility aren't terminated unless there is a stepparent willing to adopt).  Her sperm donor (I refuse to call him a father) has clearly abandoned her.  And that would be grounds for terminating his rights.  And this can be done without relieving the sperm donor of the money he owes.  Consult with an attorney about getting the ball rolling on terminating your ex's parental rights.   Your ex has shown clearly that he won't sign off on it.  So go around him.



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