Our son needs a lot of speech therapy at home.... Ex is NOT interested - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 08-04-2012, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so frustrated right now with my Ex that he's just NOT interested or concerned in our almost 3yo's speech delay. I've gone through 5 (at least) evaluations in the past 6 months, speech therapy here at the house 2x a month. I've carried the burden of concern, fighting with pediatricians, getting referrals, etc. I realize that's my personality.... he likely wouldn't have been concerned or participant even when we were together.

BUT now I've been given some great tools to help my son with at home, and definitely the pushing from his pathologist that IT'S NECESSARY to work with him at home as well - of course!

 

But his father could care less.

 

He's not participant in anything at all except his 20hrs a week (Friday night after daycare til Saturday before nap) and the boys playing like boys on their big-wheels. Which is Fine and all that they have that time, but....

 

While I've given up on consistency on discipline, food, bedtimes, basically... Everything.... Working with speech seems like one of those that should be consistent on.

Am I asking too much?

 

He's also about to start speech therapy 2x a week which is going to conflict with my work. Of course they're going to try to work with me, but their hours are the same as mine (of course!).... and when I mentioned today that I might need help getting him to/from appointments, he just shrugged again that he doesn't have time (he doesn't work, he's just lazy) and that he really doesn't think he needs therapy anyway. His belief that he'll just grow out of it all.

 

Sigh.

 

I guess there's not really anything to be done but learn to deal with this frustration and document every instance that he's unwilling to help (my notebook is getting really long as this point).

I suppose I could just NOT let him see his son on the weekends if he doesn't step-up, but like every time I've considered that threat out of spite, it really only hurts our son. I mean, he loves his Dad, of course, and loves that brief time with him. I hate to take that away from a 3yr old.

 

... guess I'm just venting....


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#2 of 4 Old 08-05-2012, 04:38 AM
 
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You can't deny  your ex's parenting time for any reason other than imminent danger to your son.  Your ex not co-operating with the speech therapy does not qualify as imminent danger.  But you do have a very good argument for court to limit him from getting more parenting time should he ever take you to court so keep documenting his refusal to help is son.

 

But you can stop coddling your ex by giving him money for his parenting time and providing supplies that he should be providing.   That money is better spent assisting you in helping your son. 

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#3 of 4 Old 08-05-2012, 07:51 AM
 
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If he truly only has him that one night/day a week, I would let it go.  Missing one day will probably not do any harm in terms of therapy.  Is it annoying and frustrating? Yes.  Is it a good enough reason to take away that time? No.

 

Now, if he ever tries to get more time with your son, then I would absolutely use your documentation this to fight it, since it seems obvious that he is choosing not to handle the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting and only wants to have fun time.  That is not detrimental for one day a week, but would be for more. 


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#4 of 4 Old 08-05-2012, 08:41 AM
 
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To be honest I can see his point. Some kids really are slower in speech and other areas and turn out just fine. At the age of 3 there is a very distinct possibility that a child can just be behind but will be fine in the next few years. Unless there is another medical issue or delays at hand. Speech therapy is just a way of hurrying them along but not medically necessary, again unless there are other delays or concerns. Most people just let their kids develop at their own rate. Your ex could be in denial or he could just truly believe that his son is fine and doesn't need intervention. It is his right to have this point. If your pediatrician and speech therapist feel that the therapy is absolutely dentrimental to your son's progress in speech then have the both of them provide notes and then if your ex refuses to take your son to the appointment's then it could be deemed neglect.
 

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