Ex breaching Separation Agreement...help - Mothering Forums
Single Parenting > Ex breaching Separation Agreement...help
mamatoemily's Avatar mamatoemily 06:29 PM 08-18-2012

Hi everyone...I'm looking for some advice as I can't get in to see my lawyer for another week and a half.


My ex and I have a legal Separation Agreement and are divorced.  I live in Ontario, Canada.  One of the terms of the Agreement is that neither of us introduce DD (who is 21 mths) to a new partner until we have been in a relationship with that person for 4 mths.  We separated when she was 5 mths old and he immediately had a new GF and had moved in with her, which is why this term was put in place...this is his pattern.


So, he broke up with his ex-gf 2 weeks ago and already has another GF that he is moving in with after 1 week.  I recently found out he went behind my back and introduced DD to the new girl after a couple days of their dating and he admitted it to me.  He told me he doesn't care about the Agreement, and that he is going to do whatever he wants.


As you can imagine, I am extremely frustrated as this man does whatever he wants and is extremely disrespectful.


DD lives with me...I am her primary caregiver and attachment...but we have joint custody, with him having "reasonable" access to her.  It is very vague re access as we both work shiftwork which is on a 35 day schedule.


I am not sure how to proceed at this time.  I need advice from my lawyer as to my options, but in the interim I am thinking about sending an email to my ex, his mom and my lawyer, outlining that the agreement is still in effect and until it has been altered he can see DD at his mom's house (which he did with the first GF) until the waiting period is up.  He is choosing to live somewhere that his daughter cannot be due to the agreement HE SIGNED.  He can S$%#G all over the agreement as much as he wants, but until it is changed, it is in effect...and there has to be some sort of consequence.  I can't just sit by and facilitate further breaching....right?  What's the point of having an agreement if he doesn't follow/respect it?

lilgreen's Avatar lilgreen 11:26 PM 08-18-2012
Wow. That would be incredibly frustrating. I think I would be livid. Sending that email (as long as it is simply stated without emotions showing through) sounds like a reasonable and proactive thing to do. I'm assuming his mother is ok and understanding about that arrangement. My caveat - I am just beginning this separation process so I'm no btdt veteran. So listen to what others say.

Good luck!!!
Hollycrand's Avatar Hollycrand 02:55 PM 08-19-2012

He's breaking the agreement.  So you have the choice to amend the agreement to put it in words that you both agree to, or you can play hardball and threaten asking for full custody unless he complies. 


I hear ya on the breaching agreement end - my ex breaches the divorce agreement all the time by not paying his share (he's supposed to pay 50% of the clothes/shoes for the girls).  He pays nothing, even when I claim with receipts. 

He knows very well I can't afford a lawyer to go to court to enforce this judgement, so my hands are tied.  The icing on the cake is that he makes 2x what I make, but my child support is a whopping $120 a month.

He knows full well I will not let the kids go without clothes - especially winter clothes (we're in Montreal, Quebec...) and is just playing me.


Sometimes I wish a piano would fall from the sky....

hillymum's Avatar hillymum 09:33 PM 08-19-2012

I would be very interested to see what your lawyer says as I have had issues with ex not paying medical bills as he is supposed to. We will be returning to court though in early November though, so it will be addresed then for me.


How do you think his mom will respond? If she is in agreement about it not being good to introduce new girlfriends so quickly then I hope she will agree.

Goodmom2008's Avatar Goodmom2008 07:11 AM 08-20-2012

I do not know about if Canada would enforce or not, but in my state of NJ, that clause would not be upheld.  At all. 

Halfasianmomma's Avatar Halfasianmomma 11:35 AM 08-20-2012

I don't know what sending an email would do, but sending a letter of demand, via bailiff, to both the opposing party's lawyers and the opposing party himself, could get the ball rolling. A copy of the letter, with the bailiff's report, can be added to your file at court. However, because your child isn't in any immediate danger, I don't see how a judge would really care. See what your lawyer says; methinks this will end up costing you lots of money and not yield anything in your favor.


I'm sorry :(