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Findingstrength 08-21-2012 09:14 PM

I got the job. Full time teaching postion starting Friday. I had to call someone to arrange day care for next week. I need a place to live and to move. I will stay here at least till the holiday weekend and cummute. The kids will cummute with me when school starts unless I've moved already. I have no idea how I am going to move, find all the info the lawyer wants, take photos of his stuff, find new daycare, everything and on top of that a new full time job. It is so much, I find myself walking in circles, and then I just want to puke. To top it off STBXH is happy. I know we need to be civil, but it wouldn't hurt him to look a little sad. I got boxes and started packing the kids stuff and my books, and his stuff too because I need to see a clean surface to know I packed it. I'll just mark his boxes and set them in a him pile. He of course isn't packing. He tried to make dinner. I couldn't deal with cleaning the kitchen after him, so Ieft it for tomorrow. But I don't rally have the job yet. They need to check references, but seriously, they are not going to find someone else before school starts probaly. I'm in this OMG why am I wasting time sleeping phase but I need to sleep. I 99% have the job. Now I need to prove I can do it. It is going to be crazy.

lilgreen 08-21-2012 10:56 PM

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That sounds so stressful! But CONGRATULATIONS! What a great achievement! 

 

You can do this, but I wonder if there is any way you can get some extra help. Do you have family or friends that could come and take care of the kids on the weekend? Or someone to come and be with you and help once the kids go to bed on the weekends? Is stbx still there? Can he take the kids? It sounds like you're in nasty limbo-land like me - not physically separated, but emotionally done. I know I'm still super affected by stbx and where he goes and what he does and I think this will change once our stbx's move out. My stbx has been leaving massive messes in the kitchen too. I don't know if it's a rub or just his regular carelessness. What if you left it for him?

 

You can do this! 


captain optimism 08-22-2012 08:17 AM

Is there any reason why your husband can't be the one to move out? You have the children. 

 

(My STBX was also happy to leave and also completely failed to pack his stuff. Just because he's happy doesn't mean he's going to do any work, KWIM?)


Kate&Joey 08-22-2012 08:45 AM

CONGRATS !!!  I know it's stressful...BTDT.  I packed up a house with no help from XH.  I did the yard sale.  I made the donation runs.  I got the rental house all cleaned up to move out.  I took all the pets.  I then got a job 12 hours away.  Repeat process in reverse.  Pack up household.  Move household.  Unpack household  All alone.

 

You can do it!!  Make lists.  Enlist friends.  Be focused.  You're better off without someone who takes no responsibility.

 

XH left the first time with mostly just clothes.  He really didn't want much of anything he brought into the marriage except for golf clubs and stuff like that so I left those out for him.  Otherwise, gone. 

 

Not your responsibility to "mommy" him anymore!


tccandlsccmom 08-22-2012 11:53 PM

You will feel a sense of accomplishment from this, and congrats on the job!  Onward!!!!!!!


Findingstrength 08-23-2012 01:19 PM

We are doing good. He still hasn't lifted a finger to help sort anything. He tried to cook, notice the word tried. Another point of disagreement for years, we have very different ideas about what makes a decent meal. He could and does live on potatoes and red meat and bread. All things I try to eat as little as possible of. But I am making progress sorting. And I have two leads on places to move to. I have to move. My job is 90 minutes away and he is going to do a deed in lue of forclouser on the house. Right now I really need to concentrate on just packing and sorting. Next week I have to concentrate on reading IEPS and lesson planning. Once it's moved, I can take as long as I need to sort it out.

lilgreen 08-24-2012 11:47 PM

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Findingstrength View Post

We are doing good. He still hasn't lifted a finger to help sort anything. He tried to cook, notice the word tried. Another point of disagreement for years, we have very different ideas about what makes a decent meal. He could and does live on potatoes and red meat and bread. All things I try to eat as little as possible of. But I am making progress sorting. And I have two leads on places to move to. I have to move. My job is 90 minutes away and he is going to do a deed in lue of forclouser on the house. Right now I really need to concentrate on just packing and sorting. Next week I have to concentrate on reading IEPS and lesson planning. Once it's moved, I can take as long as I need to sort it out.

You sound so much better here. I hope one of those two places pans out for you to mive to. You're doing it!!

Mama Soltera 08-25-2012 01:50 PM

Congratulations! That's wonderful about the job. I have to agree, do not waste your precious time and energy packing his things or worrying about messes in the house. Get what you need and leave the rest behind. I am so happy for you.

 

Remember to be prepared if he tries to make things difficult for you right when you're about the take the last box out of the house. If you can do it while he's at work that would be best. The "happy" thing sounds a little like a game he's playing, trying to upset you. Do you know anyone close to the job you can stay with while you're looking for a place? Sometimes it can take a month or more just to get in somewhere and unless things are pretty mellow in the home, it's probably best to live apart as soon as possible.

 

Please tell us how the new job is going so far. You're doing an amazing job!



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