My son is just seven, starting first grade, and my husband and I are splitting. My son has home-based ABA and speech, OT etc. outside of school time, plus the requisite kid stuff, playdates, soccer, and birthday parties, all of which need pre-teaching.
My husband works a big job, and travels, but insists a 50-50 split parenting schedule. This despite having been a 90-10 parent at best when we lived together. He would get too frustrated with my son, and never wanted him alone for long.
Now, he took him against my wishes on this 50-50 or else schedule for the last month and my son is regressing loads, wetting, stimming, hitting, and not being able to be in class. My husband has made less than half his appointments and can not feasibly care for him without multiple caregivers. He works long days and his work is more than an hour away from home. The sitters he hires have no experience with my son or his program, but are college kids who are taking him to their college kid house. All while I am home, and available to be with him.
I have been at home with him for 7 years, and know my son can not have his needs met when we have two full-time jobs. I tried it for a year, and his ABA therapist, and the school said, too much inconsistency.
I am seeking proposals that help split time somewhat, maybe a day or two a week, but also have a lot of consistency and follow through from a treatment perspective (also not my DH's forte).
Do any of you do this? What has worked for you?
No personal advice, but you need a therapist who sees him regularly who can make a professional recommendation to the court about this. Usually they will write a letter to the court, but some will go testify.
My ex and I face similar issues with our oldest child....
I had been working part-time teaching music but the hours are usually after-school and weekends - right when the kids need a parent!
After a few incidents at school and home I had a long talk with my ex and we both decided that since I made less money, I would shift my schedule to be home in the afternoons and weekends with the kids and quit teaching music. I will look for part-time work that is during school hours (I am currently a student now but hope to be working again by the fall).
He then has the kids 3 evenings a week - after playdates/appointments/etc are all done, around 6 or 7pm. He also has them on Sundays during the day (and sometimes the evening as well)
It's not quite 50/50 but he gets plenty of quality time with the kids AND there is consistency in their schedules.
It is a sad fact of life but parents of special needs kids need at least one parent who works no more than part-time.
Hopefully you can get your ex on board with this and he can increase his support to you....rather than paying strangers to watch his child and take him to appointments - it might as well be his mom!
I would say just start by trying to figure out your child's needs first, then working your schedules around his needs to create as much stability as possible.