I was reading on another forum that when you split up it is the norm for the father to get 50/50 despite the age of the child or breastfeeding. Is this true? I have been contemplating leaving my SO and I would not if it meant my son would be with him 50/50 because I have almost no success pumping and he can't lift him because of his back. i just can't imagine a judge telling me my son has to go to daycare two days a week because his dad is at work and it is his day. I also do not want him to have formula which would def happen. I though visitation was pretty nil until the child is older.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I live in az. I tried to look it up but had little success with my 9 month old trying to also type stuff as i tried to read.
You'll have to find out what is common in AZ. This link http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Custody&state_code=AZ Has some of the Arizona statutes at the bottom of the custody questions, and it says that Arizona does not prefer one type of custody over another, but really it boils down to how the law is commonly applied in your state, not how it is written.
1st step is to get a lawyer. In court you would emphasize your X's physical limitations (you would need proof or for him to admit it) and you can write into a parenting agreement the right of first refusal, which means that if he can't take him during his parenting time, that you get the baby rather than the baby going to daycare.
When I met with a lawyer regarding my likely impending divorce I was told that though my state technically aims for 50/50 custody, in practice, they try to keep the child's care however it has been before, especially in the case of an infant (my son is a little over one and is still an avid nurser)--so if you have been doing the majority of the caretaking prior to the divorce, that should continue after. I highly doubt that if you are a SAHM they would have the baby go to dad just to go to day care during the day. With infants, the expectation is that custody and visitation arrangements will change as the child gets older.
Obviously, it would be best for you to meet with a lawyer in your state to see if it's the same. I was pretty freaked out about that, too, when my husband and I separated, but in reality I don't think my son is going to be away from me nearly as much as I had feared.