How long does it take? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 10-18-2012, 03:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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To actually get divorced? I left two months ago and it's not final. Hasn't been to court yet. We both have lawyers.
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#2 of 8 Old 10-18-2012, 05:03 AM
 
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Depends.  Here 60 days at least.  Ours took a year and a half even though we weren't contesting it...lawyers had federal trials come up and had to move back dates, the judge had a conflict on one date.

 

It worked to my disadvantage in some ways....X got in a year and a half of supervised visits with the kids where he was disney-dad, so they didn't report his abuse to the court-appointed custody evaluator, and he now has unsupervised visits.

 

The positive was that he had to pay the mortgage and utilities for that whole year and a half, including car insurance and internet.  So I had some time to help counsel the kids through the change, and find a job- which was near impossible since I was a sahm/wahm.
 

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#3 of 8 Old 10-18-2012, 05:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yikes. That is long. I have a job. Just got one this fall after bing a stay at home mom. But it is not enough to cover my bills. He is whining about having to pay my credit cards that were used for only buying stuff our kids. Sports piano lessons.... Creditors are calling me and I can't pay them till I get child support. I know in the long run I will be way better off finashaly. He has major money issues. He is doing a very good job of making me feel like leaving him was a good choice.
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#4 of 8 Old 10-18-2012, 06:48 AM
 
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It took me 21 months. Most of the delay was him being non compliant with court orders.

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#5 of 8 Old 10-18-2012, 07:47 AM
 
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FWIW, it took my (now) husband and his ex-wife five years and 10 months, after they filed.  

 

Every time they were scheduled for a final hearing, it would be pre-empted to discuss contempt (mostly her systematic refusal to permit parenting time according to their temporary custody orders); or her accusations of "abuse"* and requests for protective orders, supervised visitation and/or reduced parental rights for my husband; or her deciding to relocate across the country before the divorce was finalized.

 

So, hang in there.  Yours almost certainly won't take THAT long.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

* = The quotations marks aren't meant to dismiss the importance of abuse, but to denote that, when DH's ex was pressed to define what abuse she had suffered, it ranged from DH sending her a "threatening" message by putting a stamp upside-down on a letter; to "stalking" her by traveling to visit their son after she moved and stated clearly she did not want him to visit.  When people call that abuse, I think it belittles women who are actually abused. 


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#6 of 8 Old 10-19-2012, 08:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Findingstrength View Post

I know in the long run I will be way better off finashaly. He has major money issues. He is doing a very good job of making me feel like leaving him was a good choice.

 

My XH makes me believe in my choice every single day!

 

It took me a year.  I filed in March.  He refused to acknowledge the paperwork.  I had to have him served a couple of months later.  He moved out of state.  Then he refused to respond to my attorney's requests for information (said he couldn't afford an attorney and wouldn't agree to anything without one).  Finally we got a court date and sent him notice at his work (the only address I had for him), to which he never responded.  He didn't show up in court that morning so my attorney pushed for me to get to the head of the docket.  After all that (and over $10K in legal fees incurred by me), the hearing took about 12 minutes.  irked.gif

 

I was always the primary (only) income provider so I wasn't counting on him paying CS until he was ordered to.  Then it took him a few months to start paying.  But that was short-lived as I haven't gotten a dime in over a year.  Nor did he pay any of the other amounts that the judge ordered.  Oh well, I'm just glad to be rid of him!


Mom to DD heartbeat.gif (04.21.13)   DS blahblah.gif (8 years old) and DSD energy.gif(10 years old) and 2 dog2.gif and 2cat.gif
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#7 of 8 Old 10-22-2012, 07:19 PM
 
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It depends a lot on your state laws around divorce too. I got divorced in Pennsylvania, and from filing to decree it took six months. There were no issues at all, no property to divide, no kids from that marriage, no problems serving paperwork, no court dates, and it was a no fault divorce... basically the easiest divorce ever. The law just required six months of waiting. I was allowed to adopt my maiden name before the decree was issued though, so that made it an easier pill to swallow.


Moo.

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#8 of 8 Old 10-24-2012, 09:45 AM
 
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texas supposed to be pretty quick, but ex kept dragging me to court for BS and since he was actually the petitioner (he had to get the jump on me!) he was supposed to drive it forward and I was coughing up 3K everytime I turned around.....ended up costing me 30K total for my part and I only made 42yr and I had no help :(

so mine ended up taking almost exactally 2yrs.....and because I pushed it.

 

really tho, we werent married anymore anyway. so it never felt like "ok, now i'm divorced"

it was just paperwork at that point.

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