My self esteem is still pretty shot from the horrific break up with my ex, so dating is very low on my list of things to do. I went on a few dates with one guy for a couple of months and the ex drove him away. wasnt that big of a deal bc I knew he and I were not meant to be. Does anyone else feel weird just dating a guy, know that there is no future for the two of you ? I was with my daughter's father for 5.5 years (since i was 15). So i don't know anything else besides serious relationships. Is that even healthy lol ?
Can I join this thread? As soon as I filed, I started dating a man I knew years ago, and always knew I was in love with, despite marrying someone else. We fell hard and fast - started making plans to be together forever, despite him living about 2 hours away. Life was grand - I finally had my soulmate. I can't pinpoint when things started to change - but since probably early June, things have fizzled. He is under tons of stress, and has been far less passionate. I'm considering telling him we need some space.... I just cant figure out how we went from having it all to zero so quickly???
Lisa L&D RN mama to DS#1 (4-01) DS#2 (9-03) DD (10-05) X2, 10-2011
, , ECing, , , first time mama to Serena 1.17.11
WAHM, Independent Distributor
I needed this advice! I have fallen hard for someone and I am terrified that it won't work out because of the baggage that I have right now..
~Agnes Sallet Von Tannenberg
I dated a man on and off for about 3 years. We had some good times, but after awhile it was just stressful. I always knew in the back of my mind it wouldn't be long term. We finally quit having our fun together (roll in the hay) last year. He lives 5 minutes from me and we ended it civilly. I surely don't miss the stress at all.
I have no desire to date anytime soon. It's always so much stress and not hardly any joy if that makes sense. Maybe in the future, who knows.........
Just read through this for the first time, as I am newly single after 2.5 years that were mostly good. I am still in love with my new ex and so maybe this is part of what I needed to read to really lay in how I do NOT need to be getting into dating again. Really not sure why I'm feeling such a strong desire for it, but I definitely am. Also a full-time student and have three school aged children to keep me busy. Also, I know I have a lot of work to recover my heart from that relationship. Just fighting the good fight.
Because you miss being loved, you missed being "we" instead of "me". I felt that way, too, before I was over my exhusband, even though I really didn't want anyone but him back. (And as a side note, when I was ready, someone better than my exhusband came along.)
I was married for 11 years before STBX left. We've been separated over a year and finally getting on with the divorce. My New Year focus for this year is to get "ready" to be ready to date. The idea of dating still seems a bit repulsive, but I know that at some point I'm going to want to find a partner to share life with.
I'm doing some inner work (reading "Calling in the One") and soul searching about what I might want in a new relationship. I'm also doing some outer work (*trying* to exercise, saving up to buy a new bed so I can ditch the one from my marriage).
STBX was emotionally and sexually unavailable but I was very committed to the marriage so I really guarded my heart. I knew that I would be very vulnerable to an affair if the opportunity came along. I have realized that I still have that energetic wall up around myself even though I don't need to anymore. So, I'm practicing just opening myself up inwardly, looking at other people a bit more closely, noticing attractive guys, etc. It still feels weird.
My question is, though, just where do you go to start dating again when you are ready? I've got sole custody of two very young children. I have no social life outside of mothering stuff. I'm in my 40s and don't want to waste a lot of time on bad dates. I've got better things to do with my time. I'm wondering if the on-line dating sites are a good idea. It is kind of scary to think about meeting someone like that but I don't know where else to start.
I was married for 20 years--actually notified of the divorce on our 20th anniversary (best present ever!)--and began dating a couple of months later. I met someone the first night I went out. He was much younger and wonderful. We had a great time together and it was so nice being intimate with someone after way too f'ing long. After a couple of months, I broke up with him. There were too many confusing things. I know it is for the best, but I miss spending time with him. I wish that I had been able to remain friends, but that wouldn't have worked.
Since then, I've joined an online dating site. It's been entertaining to say the least. I've gone on a couple of dates. No real connections though. In a couple of cases, the other person is obviously not interested. In a couple, I'm interested as friends but no more.
I am curious about the number of much younger men (like 10+ years younger--I'm going to be 45 in a couple of days) are interested. I'm thinking they see me as being desperate and, by default, an easy lay. The men closer to my age or even older don't even respond to messages. I'm guessing they're looking for younger.
I dated a guy for 1,5-2 months, right up till Christmas. He was very different from any man I have ever been with, a bit older than me, he's English-speaking, he doesn't have a full head of hair, he's divorced with children... it was all very new to me. I really enjoyed the intimate part of our relationship, like REALLY enjoyed that aspect, but outside of the bedroom he was very co-dependent and other things that I found unattractive. So I tried to take it slow, kept it very casual, as much as I could, (because being intimate involves me emotionally, much more than I relaised), even went so far as to say he should date other people when he became very 'suffocating' (like, calling and texting MANY MANY times a day). All the while I was trying to figure out if these were traits that I could deal with, like, were they deal-breakers or not? But he really wanted a commitment, like, yesterday! So I called it off, but was still trying to figure out why I was still thinking about him so much and so connected to him. So three weeks ago I offered to take him grocery shopping while his car wasn't working, and he told me he had a girlfriend! And had started seeing her while he and I were still seeing eachother (we overlapped for 1 week-10 days), BECAUSE I wouldn't commit to a relationship, and this girl really wanted a full-on relationship and be his official gf, AND because I had told him to date other people. I'ts true, unfortunately, but I honestly didn't expect him to actually DO IT within literally 24 hours. I was totally hurt, I don't really know why after 3 weeks I'm still upset about it. I don't know if I'm upset because I've realised I was really considering having a relationship with a guy who basically wanted the first 'taker', but I genuinely feel kind of betrayed, and I'm not shaking the feeling off very well, I'm not having a lot of success at letting it go. I have cut off contact, but am often tempted to open up communication. But for what? Why am I not just LETTING GO? Why am I not writing him off as a douche?