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#1 of 41 Old 12-11-2012, 08:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello. I figured we could all talk about our dating experiences in this thread. I won't be posting for a little while yet probably, but I wanted to create a place where we could discuss our fears, insecurities, new-found happiness, and successes.

 

Happy dating everyone <3


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#2 of 41 Old 12-23-2012, 09:09 PM
 
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I tried dating and its tough!  I felt like I was either hurting someones feelings or getting mine hurt.  I am gearing up to try again :)

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#3 of 41 Old 12-25-2012, 07:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, it's hard to date again.

 

I'm working on my self esteem before I brave the waters ;)
 


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#4 of 41 Old 12-27-2012, 03:16 AM
 
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Some day I'll move on. But not today. I went out with a single dad one time and he was so angry about his x I cringed. I can't hear that complaining with out putting myself in the x wife's shoes. He called again and I asked about his kids and he went off on the x wife again. Umm. I guess we learn something from everyone we meet. Some people we see and try and be more like them. Other people we see and try and be less like them. This man has done me a service though. I am now trying very hard to not be angry or talk bad about my x. He is my x and that is all anyone needs to know. It is not my job to build up or destroy his life but only to get on with my life.
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#5 of 41 Old 12-30-2012, 04:42 AM
 
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I love dating so I'm sure I'm in the minority.

 

I had a first date on Friday with a guy who has a daughter the same age as mine. We went to dinner and while I had a good time, he's "friend" material. He is definitely a "nice guy" who is used to finishing last. I was pleasantly surprised that he didnt bash his estranged wife (going through divorce), but he gave TMI on the date about his overall dating experiences. He's been cheated on or used alot and typically seeks women he can "fix". I could tell before he confirmed. Needless to say, he totally killed my sex drive toward him so he's permanently friend zone.

 

I'm 29 and have been meeting mostly younger men or guys in their early 40s. I really prefer men in their early 30s. The guy I went out with is 34, fyi.


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#6 of 41 Old 01-02-2013, 08:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I love dating so I'm sure I'm in the minority.

 

I had a first date on Friday with a guy who has a daughter the same age as mine. We went to dinner and while I had a good time, he's "friend" material. He is definitely a "nice guy" who is used to finishing last. I was pleasantly surprised that he didnt bash his estranged wife (going through divorce), but he gave TMI on the date about his overall dating experiences. He's been cheated on or used alot and typically seeks women he can "fix". I could tell before he confirmed. Needless to say, he totally killed my sex drive toward him so he's permanently friend zone.

 

I'm 29 and have been meeting mostly younger men or guys in their early 40s. I really prefer men in their early 30s. The guy I went out with is 34, fyi.

 

I actually ended up going out on New Year's and it was fun. The guy I hung out with was great, but I didn't feel a 'draw' towards him. I think it's too early for me to have feelings of 'connection' with someone, but it was a nice night nonetheless.


Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#7 of 41 Old 01-02-2013, 09:51 PM
 
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Been apart from exhusband since Jan 2010. Dated someone that year for 6 months, ended up he was married (separated) and went back to her. :(  Next guy I dated 16 months and he dumped me in a horrible, horrible way. After being single for 9 months, I met a guy in September and now dating him for the last 3 months and so far so good. He has been divorced for 16 years. He is very caring and thoughtful and a little older than me. We are like two peas in a pod and I care deeply for him.


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17 yr old

11 yr old 

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#8 of 41 Old 01-03-2013, 10:00 AM
 
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 I went out with a single dad one time and he was so angry about his x I cringed. I can't hear that complaining with out putting myself in the x wife's shoes. 

 

I went out with one of these guys also.  Whew, not something I want to get involved in I tell ya that!

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#9 of 41 Old 01-04-2013, 07:54 AM
 
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between my waaayyyy demanding job I left about 7 months ago (I was lucky to get 4hrs of sleep a night. I'd often work from 12am-4/6am, nap if possible, wake up kids and take them to school, work 8am-6pm, pickup kids while fielding emails and phone calls, nap from 8-10 and repeat) and ex being crazy and young kids...and I was really shy and not good at dating to begin with...

I really haven't.

 

I had a office affair right after split, and a long distance thing with a sales guy but before anything happened he had a girl from his past show up and he chose her. he continued to flirt and have long convos with me and meet me for dinner several times when I was in town - but nothing happened.

 

so I've basically been single for 5yrs now. I'm kinda torn, because I'm not getting any cuter here....and my first boyfriend (ever) and my ex were both very passive agressive and would withhold sex as punishment it seems. it's honestly amazing I have 2 kids. I went to therapist a few months before we seperated and told her "dude, if I hadn't gotten him drunk and didn't take no for an answer I wouldn't have #2. we had sex ONE time in 36 months" and she was gobsmacked and ex shrugged like it wasn't anything odd. *headscratch*

and I would actually try (I finally gave up) EVERY NIGHT to initiate and be rebuffed until after a month or longer i'd get "ok, but make it quick"

ugh.

 

at the same time however, I am raising the kiddos with no help, making really good money at my job, I have savings and my life in order. my tolerance for BS is at nearly 0 level these days.

oh, don't like me working late one night? it bugs you I can't hang out tonight because I need to go out of town for work or deal with kids? you don't like my bookcases where they are? don't let the door hit you....

 

you know?

I don't need a man for anything...I've replummed and rewired half my house, I can change a flat in 5min wearing heels, I do the kids on my own, I built a bunkbed (and loaded and unloaded from car) by myself and hauled a giant 6'x7' entertainment center across my house.

so putting up with ANYONE's drama at this point gives me hives. LOL.....I think part of it is the fact i've only had men that were full of drama and all that.

 

I keep (half) joking I ought to put an ad in CL and say "come bang me like a screen door in a hurricane and take the trash out when you leave....no staying the night"

 

hahahhaaa....

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#10 of 41 Old 01-04-2013, 04:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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between my waaayyyy demanding job I left about 7 months ago (I was lucky to get 4hrs of sleep a night. I'd often work from 12am-4/6am, nap if possible, wake up kids and take them to school, work 8am-6pm, pickup kids while fielding emails and phone calls, nap from 8-10 and repeat) and ex being crazy and young kids...and I was really shy and not good at dating to begin with...

I really haven't.

 

I had a office affair right after split, and a long distance thing with a sales guy but before anything happened he had a girl from his past show up and he chose her. he continued to flirt and have long convos with me and meet me for dinner several times when I was in town - but nothing happened.

 

so I've basically been single for 5yrs now. I'm kinda torn, because I'm not getting any cuter here....and my first boyfriend (ever) and my ex were both very passive agressive and would withhold sex as punishment it seems. it's honestly amazing I have 2 kids. I went to therapist a few months before we seperated and told her "dude, if I hadn't gotten him drunk and didn't take no for an answer I wouldn't have #2. we had sex ONE time in 36 months" and she was gobsmacked and ex shrugged like it wasn't anything odd. *headscratch*

and I would actually try (I finally gave up) EVERY NIGHT to initiate and be rebuffed until after a month or longer i'd get "ok, but make it quick"

ugh.

 

at the same time however, I am raising the kiddos with no help, making really good money at my job, I have savings and my life in order. my tolerance for BS is at nearly 0 level these days.

oh, don't like me working late one night? it bugs you I can't hang out tonight because I need to go out of town for work or deal with kids? you don't like my bookcases where they are? don't let the door hit you....

 

you know?

I don't need a man for anything...I've replummed and rewired half my house, I can change a flat in 5min wearing heels, I do the kids on my own, I built a bunkbed (and loaded and unloaded from car) by myself and hauled a giant 6'x7' entertainment center across my house.

so putting up with ANYONE's drama at this point gives me hives. LOL.....I think part of it is the fact i've only had men that were full of drama and all that.

 

I keep (half) joking I ought to put an ad in CL and say "come bang me like a screen door in a hurricane and take the trash out when you leave....no staying the night"

 

hahahhaaa....

 

 

Oh my gosh, you and I would get along great... I just cleaned out the barn, bedded down the stalls, and I haul water 100 yards each way every day during the winter. I live 35 minutes from town, chop my own firewood, etc, etc...

 

Drama gives me hives too... I just wanna smack some people.

 

Oh, and I just told someone the other day that all I really wanted was someone to come snuggle with me, give me a good backrub, do my dishes then leave, lol

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Me,yummy.gif   DS, Peace.gif and DDdust.gif Grateful to the baby I lost for sticking around long enough to teach me what I needed to know so badly  candle.gif  We  love our forest valley home, our goats and chickenschicken3.gif, and wild harvested food-medicine coolshine.gif

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#11 of 41 Old 01-04-2013, 06:24 PM
 
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Poor guys. The price of progress. I reworked all the outetws, paints the house, mows the yard, cooked, cleaned, ran the kids to all their stuff. Someone aske how it was being a single parent this fall. Not to different from being Married with a partner that never shows up.
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#12 of 41 Old 01-05-2013, 01:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Not too different from being Married with a partner that never shows up.

 

This. In fact, way easier I think.

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#13 of 41 Old 01-14-2013, 10:40 AM
 
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This. In fact, way easier I think.

Agreed. Ex made *more* work for me. And the emotional weight of someone who should be a partner who isn't is really difficult.

I would say, being alone can be lonely - but being isolated when you live with someone is far more lonesome.

 

It's akin to chinese water torture or something. I picture being locked in a cage with your favorite food just out of reach. Its right there, but you never get it.

Atleast if you are single, you aren't forced to stare at the food you never get.

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#14 of 41 Old 01-14-2013, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's akin to chinese water torture or something. I picture being locked in a cage with your favorite food just out of reach. Its right there, but you never get it.

Atleast if you are single, you aren't forced to stare at the food you never get.

That is so flippin' apt... love it.


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#15 of 41 Old 01-14-2013, 05:34 PM
 
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I'd like to move on and find someone. But I'm so nervous to make the same mistake again or get trapped again. I'm going to be very careful with trusting anyone again. I've read you should wait four months for every year you were married before dating. For me that would be 3 years. I'm 37 and have a crazy fear of getting alzihmeirs at a young age. That was part of my leaving. I knew he could not care for me if I lose my mind. I don't want to waste the time I have left. But I don't want to spend it alone.
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#16 of 41 Old 01-15-2013, 12:58 PM
 
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lol....I've been single for 5yrs and we were married for 4.5 and dated for like 2 years before that.

 

I still have that fear. At this point I am rocking the single mom gig. I have money in the bank, I'm wicked smart and a hard worker, I bake and cook like a mofo, I am a 34DDD, and I am not terrible looking.

if and when I come across a man who can match me in intelligence and drive and is fun and good looking then i'll go running.

Until then i'm not going to bother with guys who haven't read a book since jr high, or spend more time glued to vidiot games than real life.

 

This pretty much describes my 2 ex's to a tee....perhaps thats why they are on the "things to avoid in the future" list. LOL

 

I was talking to my dad (who had Gbypass about 2yrs ago now, but has been seriously overweight his entire life. he was over 450 quite a bit) about it and I said, you know....its like going on a diet or deciding you will never eat chocolate or drink alcohol again.

after a week you'd break the fast for any little old piece of candy that came along. after 5 years you are like "eff that, it's been this long and i'm AOK....now if the chocolate cheesecake with caramel sauce comes waltzing buy....i'm gonna eat the whole darn thing"

 

well, i'm no longer willing to accept "eh"....I want "OMFG....nom nom nom...AWESOME"

and darnit, I deserve that

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#17 of 41 Old 01-15-2013, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd like to move on and find someone. But I'm so nervous to make the same mistake again or get trapped again. I'm going to be very careful with trusting anyone again. I've read you should wait four months for every year you were married before dating. For me that would be 3 years. I'm 37 and have a crazy fear of getting alzihmeirs at a young age. That was part of my leaving. I knew he could not care for me if I lose my mind. I don't want to waste the time I have left. But I don't want to spend it alone.

 

So that's only eight months for me, if you count the months we were separated the first time. If not, it's only like 6 months... which is three months from now... seems about right. But if you count the whole time we were together, which I feel like I should because we got preggers so quickly, then it's more like 14-16 months....


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#18 of 41 Old 01-15-2013, 08:17 PM
 
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For me it would be 4 yrs- no way I plan to wait that long. I just filed last week and I can't wait to sow some wild oats!! wink1.gif
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#19 of 41 Old 01-18-2013, 06:56 AM
 
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I went on a few token blind dates two or three months after my Husband left me, but my heart just wasn't in it and I'd feel bad 'cause they were generally nice guys, but I wasn't ready, so I knew I was looking for any excuse not to have a second date with them.  Plus, at that point, I was still in love with my Husband, so I just wasn't feeling it.  Six months after my Husband left me, a guy friend of mine talked me into dating him.  BIG mistake, he turned into a psycho looking for easy prey.  But I consider him more the exception than the rule.  I was on a couple dating sites from then on, but I wasn't really ready to date until two years after my Husband left me.  It was funny, 'cause not more than two weeks after I "let go", I met my Sweetheart, who is now my Fiance.  luxlove.gif


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#20 of 41 Old 01-20-2013, 07:30 AM
 
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My husband died April 2011 and I didn't start dating until this past fall. Super weird. I figured I wasn't meeting any men or women in my damn kitchen where I spend all my time so I signed up for an online dating site. I immediately met my current gentleman friend. We've been together since the get-go. He's a super rad dude. He likes my children a lot but doesn't feel it is necessary for him to have any of his own biologically. Which is good, because my boobs and uterus are officially retired. It's a really good situation. He's moving in this summer just in time for garden harvest!


There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

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#21 of 41 Old 03-17-2013, 07:59 AM
 
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Can I join this thread? I am newly divorced and found myself very quickly in a serious relationship. Fell head over heels immediately and have never had such a connection w someone.

Problem is, he is a dad and his ex is very difficult, manipulating him left and right and she has tons of MH issues to be addressed. She takes up a lot of his time bc he ends up taking care of her (he admits he has trouble seeing her as separate from the kids even tho they've been separated 2 yrs).

The other even bigger problem is that we parent very differently. I am a serious non-vaxer and health nut. I eat all organics as do my kids. We are vegetarian. We do wooden toys and crafts. I've relaxed a bit on the natural toys but still avoid chemical stuff (glow sticks for example).

But he is a science major and is into every single vaccine that ever existed. He eats no organics and even says things about how "eating a bit of gmo'd stuff won't hurt ya". His kids were vegetarian but are now eating chicken (not organic). They literally watch tv and play video games all day. They will even have two screens going in the same room with different stuff playing.

He had a vasectomy so us having kids is not an issue so perhaps the vaccine stuff doesnt matter in the end. But my kids watch maybe one movie a week at most and the tv stuff and food issues seem HUGE to me.

We talked about moving in together in a year or so but honestly I am now thinking we shouldnt even think of that as an option bc we will end up rly disliking each other's parenting and it will break us up.

Help? Anyone dated a dad w diff views? I've never dated a parent before.

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#22 of 41 Old 03-17-2013, 08:02 PM
 
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Can I join this thread? I am newly divorced and found myself very quickly in a serious relationship. Fell head over heels immediately and have never had such a connection w someone.

Problem is, he is a dad and his ex is very difficult, manipulating him left and right and she has tons of MH issues to be addressed. She takes up a lot of his time bc he ends up taking care of her (he admits he has trouble seeing her as separate from the kids even tho they've been separated 2 yrs).

The other even bigger problem is that we parent very differently. I am a serious non-vaxer and health nut. I eat all organics as do my kids. We are vegetarian. We do wooden toys and crafts. I've relaxed a bit on the natural toys but still avoid chemical stuff (glow sticks for example).

But he is a science major and is into every single vaccine that ever existed. He eats no organics and even says things about how "eating a bit of gmo'd stuff won't hurt ya". His kids were vegetarian but are now eating chicken (not organic). They literally watch tv and play video games all day. They will even have two screens going in the same room with different stuff playing.

He had a vasectomy so us having kids is not an issue so perhaps the vaccine stuff doesnt matter in the end. But my kids watch maybe one movie a week at most and the tv stuff and food issues seem HUGE to me.

We talked about moving in together in a year or so but honestly I am now thinking we shouldnt even think of that as an option bc we will end up rly disliking each other's parenting and it will break us up.

Help? Anyone dated a dad w diff views? I've never dated a parent before.

 

My fiance and I have very different parenting ideas.  I'm not as extreme as you are and he's not as extreme as your boyfriend, but we do have differences that could become a problem in the future if we don't make a conscious effort to compromise, but that might be the key word there- compromise.  It's doable if you both are willing and able to put your everything into it, but you're not gonna win on everything and you need to figure out first how much you will be willing to bend on.  It sounds like you really like this guy.  I wish you the best.


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#23 of 41 Old 03-18-2013, 06:39 PM
 
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Raene, ask your man to read Codependent No More.  As for the difference in parenting, it is so extreme that to me it sounds like you need joint counseling before taking it to the next level.  I couldn't compromise on some of these issues.
 

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#24 of 41 Old 04-13-2013, 07:18 PM
 
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I reluctantly went on a date earlier today with a guy I'm not physically attracted to. We dated previously, during Winter, but he was bigger than I realized. He also is very pushy about wanting to be exclusive, from day one. He works in sales and makes very good money and I think he just has a hard time accepting "no". Nice guy, but not for me. He caught me at a good time today but I don't intend to see him again.

 

I dated a younger guy recently and I think I'm starting to prefer 27-32 (I'm almost 30). I date up to 37 though.


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#25 of 41 Old 04-14-2013, 11:37 AM
 
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I broke up with ex about six months ago. I think people just see me as an overwhelmed single mom with a crazy needy clingy baby daddy, we are the "drama couple".
Plus I have a nursing infant and don't know how that would be logistical....do I have to wait until he gets older to date someone? I can't really bring him along on the date and I can't leave him ver night, and it seems awfully contrived to say, "let's make out for two hours then I'm leaving." just my hang up? I don't know.
I don't need a man to make me feel good about myself or feel confident but I want to maintain my adult life and not become a mom who gives up all worldy pleasures and self fullfilling lifestyles.
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#26 of 41 Old 04-18-2013, 01:16 PM
 
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My gentleman friend and I are no longer romantically an item. The reality of my world became too much and he bailed. No hard feelings. Better to know now. We're still friendly and are going to co-garden together. He's a GEAT guy...peaceful, mega intelligent, twenty year vegetarian, outdoor loving, well read and versed, etc, etc, etc. I really thought I had met a stand up partner in crime for the long haul, but, alas, it isn't meant to be. I'm one rad mofo and my two monkeys are just as cool -- his loss. I'm not going to look for another partner yet. I need time to bounce back into my fantastic single self and take that for a ride for a bit. I really like the way things are progressing in my life right now and I'm not looking to complicate it up.


There are three things I learned about life. It goes on. -Longfellow

 

stillheart.gifRIP DH DJ Delicious but mucho gracias for our children and all I have learnedstillheart.gif

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#27 of 41 Old 05-18-2013, 05:10 PM
 
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After more than a decade, there's no way I can follow the "four months for every year" rule! lol.gif  I'just exiting my marriage (we did have one separation, but I took him back, foolishly), and not ready to date anytime soon, but I do feel like I want to sow my wild oats a bit at some point.  I'm just really afraid.  I'm afraid that a guy who meets my standards would never be attracted to me.  My "new" standards - ones that almost every ex has fallen far short of - include someone who doesn't insult my intelligence with his presence, but who isn't a snotty know-it-all; someone I have a physical attraction to, chemistry - after so many years without it, I'm starving for chemistry and some passion! - someone who can deal with my kids, and my own quirks and weird bits.  If he had a steady job, that'd also be really good. lol.gif   I'll be following this thread, and this forum!


Me modifiedartist.gif +  notes.gifgeek.gif + bouncy.gif ribbonteal.gifribbonpurple.gifribbonwhite.gifautismribbon.gifribbonblack.gif
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#28 of 41 Old 05-19-2013, 07:08 PM
 
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I don't know what I is. I am an attractive, intelligent lady but all the men I have been interested in have turned me down, or not returned emails, phone calls etc. I am starting to take it personally.

I don't want anything serious right ny but it's like even hanging out is not an option. Maybe they think I am demanding sex by showing up in a place I will be at. I don't know. I get lots of attention from people I don't want it from, ad I'm not willing to compromise when it comes to people I date. I don't want to bother with people I'm not attracted to.

I have tried dating sites and what a sick feeling I get afterwards, no thank you

I want the company of an atrractive man, sex maybe but not necessarily. I dont know if it's cause I'm a mom or what. I just want to be given a chance. And I know it's often them not me.

My kids are beautiful and amazing and have a loving father. I'm not trying to replace him. I just don't get it...
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#29 of 41 Old 05-31-2013, 09:47 PM
 
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Have a date tomorrow with a good guy I have been on and off with for 2.5 years. Good marriage material for someone else, but not might type physically. The sex is good though, so we'll have dinner and then go to his place afterwards.


First-time mama due on Dec 3rd 2009!
Update: Baby girl born Nov 19th!
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#30 of 41 Old 07-15-2013, 09:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lady Phoenix View Post
I'm just really afraid.  I'm afraid that a guy who meets my standards would never be attracted to me.  My "new" standards - ones that almost every ex has fallen far short of - include someone who doesn't insult my intelligence with his presence, but who isn't a snotty know-it-all; someone I have a physical attraction to, chemistry - after so many years without it, I'm starving for chemistry and some passion!

Oh my gosh this is me me ME!

 

 

I've only had 1 relationship in my life -- it lasted from when I was 18 years old until I was 36 years old.  I ended it 2 years ago.   (I guess I should go farther than saying only 1 "relationship," because I've also never had any casual hook ups or anything.  I've literally only been with one man in my life -- he's the only one I ever dated, kissed, et cetera, or said "I love you" to.)  I have a very high libido and after 2 years of nothing, I'm going out of my mind.  I'm very shy and I no longer have my girlish figure.


-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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