New Single Mom, Wondering about custody and child support - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 12-22-2012, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
AllisonKaty's Avatar
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I have just left my son's father (not married) and moved out of state. Currently looking for employment, have great support system. 


My song is 20 months, still breastfeeding, attachment parenting, very strong bond with me.


His dad and I are trying to work out an agreement out of court. Is that a bad idea? Is there an agreement that we can just get notarized? 


He initially wanted 50/50 custody and joint legal custody, I told him I don't think that 50/50 residential custody is in his best interest especially at this age. He is a good guy, care for my son was 100% my responsibility. He provided financial support, but was not away from the home much. He yells for discipline. Has sole custody of his 10yo daughter.


I am trying to find an agreeable custody arrangement. I don't feel comfortable having my son stay for long periods of time (a week) without me at this age. 

He does not want to only travel to me to visit. 


He has also been asking about support. As of now I have no job and we are staying with my parents. It is hard for me to come up with what I will need. He has been great about it so far, paying for medicine when my son got sick, etc.


Any helpful suggestions?? Thanks!!!!!! 

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#2 of 2 Old 12-25-2012, 08:08 AM
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I want to preface what I am about to say with the fact that I am not an advocate for the presumption of 50/50 physical.  It doesn't take the individual child into consideration.  I also think that the younger the child, the less it should be used.  With that said, let's get on to the other parts of your post.


Especially the part that may cost you custody should your ex realize that he can use your move out of state against you.  Moving out of state, without a court order firmly in place was not a smart move.  Unless it's just over the state line and the distance is actually less than a 30 minute drive.  He can file to bring the child back to the state of residence.  The fact that you are not married may muddy this a little.  But probably not much considering that you were together until recently.


And given that you don't want your child away from you for long periods of time, well, moving out of state wasn't the way to accomplish that.  A long distance parenting plan usually involves large chunks of time away from either parent.  Typically, the NCP gets the majority of summer, most of the school breaks (this may work out a little differently since your child isn't school age yet but it will eventually).


There are state guidelines for child support.  And if he files before establish residency in the state you are currently in, you will have to go there for all issues until your ex moves out of the state.  And given that you moved away, if the courts agree with you moving (that's not set in stone, I have a friend who wanted to move once state over, her ex refused and the judge agreed with him so she's stuck here), you may end up having to either provide all transportation or pay all transportation costs.  You may want to consider moving back.

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