STB single mom... scared and have questions - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 01-26-2013, 08:48 PM - Thread Starter
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current husband and I are basically incompatible. We got together when we were 18 and I got pregnant with my oldest dd less than 6 months later. Fast forward 14 years and two more kids and here we are. He basically makes no decisions in our lives and gives me no opinions but then blames me when things don't turn out the way he wants. I believe he is clinically depressed, but he blames me for all of his unhappiness. Our relationship was never really great, but it seems to be awful lately. It all came to a head very recently when I found out I was pregnant despite having an IUD. He freaked out telling me I was ruining his life because I wouldn't terminate. Basically he said he wanted a divorce and he was really ugly about the whole thing for days. It turns out a week later I miscarried from the IUD removal and of course he was really happy and went back to normal life as if nothing happened.  I feel like this was just the last straw in what feels like a lifetime of relationship crap. I can't get over the way he acted and that his first impulse was to leave. Its stifling to think about him in my future. So I told him I think we should go ahead with the seperation anyway and I would like him to leave by April 1st. 

The problem? I am a SAHM with a special needs dd and I can't work. I rely on his income. He saw a divorce attn who basically advised him to give me 50% of his income, savings, and all bonus etc. So thats what he suggested. I don't know how to tell the kids, or how to make this transition easier for them. One one hand I am relieved but on the other I am terrified of what comes next. Is there any advice you can give a mom just starting out on this journey?

Proud mom of three!  Special needs teen princess wheelchair.gif , 7 year old happy girl modifiedartist.gif , and my flower toddlerhearts.gif

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#2 of 7 Old 01-26-2013, 10:59 PM
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Google a child/spousal support calculator for your state/province. It's really helpful to see what the courts will give you and then you have a starting place. You can run different scenarios accounting for various visitation schedules.


Rally all the support you can get from your family and friends. Start putting together support networks with other parents. Read everything you can here =)


I'm sorry you're going through this, but life will be good on the other side =)

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#3 of 7 Old 01-27-2013, 04:19 AM
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Good for you. If he really wanted no more kids he should of been snipped. I feel this very strongly. Most medical research is conducted on men not women because we have these crazy hormones that change. It makes more sence that life altering surgeries to make people steril happen to men. More reaserch has been done on them than women.
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#4 of 7 Old 01-27-2013, 02:10 PM
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Good luck mama! It is very scary at first. I would like to say that our state Friend of the Court lists me at full time employment because I am ABLE to work full time even though I only work part time right now. Make sure you state the reason you cannot work is that your DD is special needs. This will affect how much he pays in child support, so it's quite important in the long term. Make sure you get everything in writing. Things may be amicable now. But trust me when I say it can change fast, especially if an unfriendly girlfriend enters the picture.
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#5 of 7 Old 02-01-2013, 05:23 AM
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You need to talk to your own attorney.   It's also important to get all your financial information gathered up, copies saved etc. so you don't have to rely on him for this info.

Mama to three crazy kids and one crazier dog.  biggrinbounce.gif

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#6 of 7 Old 03-31-2013, 06:32 PM
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Don't be scared to go it alone. You don't need his money! You are your own person so adjust things for yourself wether it means you have to cut back on things. I once left my partner and all I had was my daughter, I didn't even have a house and to this day I believe that I made the right decision. Sometimes it's the unknown that frightens people and I say don't be frightened. Ave never had child support off child's father, mainly cos he changes jobs n it's hard to catch him. There's nowt worse than having to rely on a man and that man makes you feel insecure. Give it time and you will find that you will be going to bed with a big smile on your face cos you feel happy x
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#7 of 7 Old 03-31-2013, 06:33 PM
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And sorry for your loss of your baby xxx
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