Well...I did it! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been married to my husband for over 10 years and I think for about 9 of those years, friends, family and sometimes complete strangers have been telling me to leave him.  Actually, people on mdc have been telling me that off and on for at least 5 years or so, too.  It's so hard to take that step.

 

About a month ago, I asked him to move out and told him I wanted a divorce.  I had originally planned to stay with him until the kids were out of high school.  He is an alcoholic, albeit a functioning one, but the effects on the kids and me got to the point where it was clear that the right decision was to make the break now.  On top of this, I truly have been the only adult in the relationship and haven't loved him for many years.  I feel like a weigh has been lifted!

 

It's been about a month, and I have an appt with a lawyer next week to begin the divorce paperwork.  The kids seem to be doing well and they see their dad almost daily.  He has stopped drinking (for now - he's done this at least 3-4 times in the past only to start up again after a couple months) so I feel okay with him having the kids on his days off.

 

I do feel guilty and lonely some days, but I guess that is to be expected.  This has been such a huge change for me, and I'm so happy to have the support of my family and friends, and also for mdc.  I look forward to speaking to everyone and wading through this new adventure!


In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." Buddha

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#2 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 12:13 PM
 
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Congratulations on making the break!

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#3 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 12:40 PM
 
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blowkiss.gif  blessings on this new chapter of your life =)


Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#4 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 04:03 PM
 
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Best wishes for a happy future smile.gif
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#5 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 08:19 PM
 
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Hooray!  Good for you!  I know how hard making that step is...you'll have your ups and downs for sure, but try to grab on to one of those "a-ha" moments that made you realize you had to leave, and remember it any time you feel doubtful, lonely, unsure, etc.  Someone told me to just expect this first year to be hard, expect to feel lonely, expect to have doubts, to want to change your mind, question your decision and to feel sad, but to realize all of those are normal feelings, accept them for what they are and move on.  I am in a similar boat and I've just decided that 2013 will be a write-off, it will be a very hard year, it will suck in a lot of ways.  I picture myself walking through a very deep and muddy swamp.  It will be hard going and there will be times I want to just give up, but if I keep going - and only if I keep going putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute if needed - will I get to the other side.  And the other side is going to be so much easier and better than where we've come from!  I keep telling myself to look forward to 2014 - by then we'll have settled in to our new routines, our new lives, our "new normal", and we'll be able to start to find happiness and peace! :)  Congratulations on taking that first step!

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#6 of 9 Old 02-13-2013, 08:24 PM
 
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Awesome! Wow! You're so right - that first huge step is so hard to take. But you've done it and now you've got your whole wonderful future ahead of you - and your kids will be safe, happy and living in peace. 

 

I really hope custody issues work out smoothly for you.

 

Congratulations!

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#7 of 9 Old 02-16-2013, 04:52 AM
 
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Welcome to the club. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It will suck for a few months, but it gets better.
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#8 of 9 Old 04-21-2013, 12:21 PM
 
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Greenmom4, congratulations! I'm steps behind you, waiting to make that final break. How have things been?

I also wondered, how is it that your ex is seeing the kids almost every day? What sort of a schedule have you worked out? This is where ex and I are stuck, we've got a baby who needs to be close to me so it hasn't been easy figuring out how to share time with the kids without being around each other.
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#9 of 9 Old 04-25-2013, 09:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi thispathis me -

 

Things have actually been really good.  Overall, I'm about a million times happier and it's so nice to be at peace in my own home.  I realized not too long ago that it's been months since I've had to sleep on the couch and I so appreciate that!

 

Right now, my xh has the kids on Tue and Wed after school and on Sunday all day.  Well, he's supposed to, anyway.  In reality, he never takes them on Wed and on Sunday they usually are home by 4, when he is supposed to have them until 7.  I don't make an issue out of it, but it annoys me that he sees them as an inconvenience.  Holidays and summer break from school we just kind of take day by day.  For instance, over Spring Break he took them every day that week and even took them on a trip overnight. 

 

I hope we can continue to co-parent effectively.  He says and does some things that leave me scratching my head, but all in all it's working out so far. 

 

Best of luck to you and hit me up via pm if you just want to vent or chat.  It takes a village!
 

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In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." Buddha

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