my ex wants me to agree to not seeing daughter for up to two months - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-29-2013, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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he wants me to do this because he is homeless or going homeless and the shelter told him is our lil girl has me her mom and can live here then she cant go i want her to be here I am her mom and we have joint custody and because he is going homeless and wants a voucher program to provide housing a a suitable place for her whoch he wouldnt be able to do anymore on his own he wants m,e to not even see her so he can get a bigger free plkace and I will loomk so bad and not be able to sleep at night knowing my 8 yr old is in a shelter can I file somthing changinging custody and make it so she is with me full time so this never arises again

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Old 04-29-2013, 07:36 AM
 
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I think you need to talk to a lawyer if you can. A change in custody would require either an agreement between you or court.

I wouldn't agree for my child to spend a night in a shelter if I could put a roof over her head. Your ex seems to be asking you to constructively abandon your child for two months as a means of defrauding the local aid system concerning her living arrangements. I wouldn't do it. It might be reasonable to do a lot of other things to help, but your daughter having a safe place to live is non-negotiable.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:05 AM
 
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Absolutely not. I would never allow that.

 

What does your custody agreement say now, with regard to overnights? If it doesn't say she's with him exclusively for 2 months straight, no reason to agree. I would still go through court to change things to no overnights until he has stable and safe housing though.

 

And even if you did agree, there would be no reason to not see her at all for 2 months.
 

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Old 04-29-2013, 08:38 AM
 
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That may not go over the way he thinks it will... They're very likely going to figure out what is going on. They don't just accept that a child ends up in a shelter and give him a free home, they probe and find out WHY the mother has abandoned the child. If you don't have a likely story like a drug problem or mental illness, they'll catch on to his attempted fraud and exclude him from any social assistance in the future.

 

The last thing I would allow is my child in a men's homeless shelter. I volunteer at a homeless program and while I believe in rehabilitation and that it isn't their fault, the reality is that in their current state, these people are mentally ill and a lot of them violent,  dangerous and don't even know what they're doing. 

 

Also, if you're found out that you agreed to put your daughter in this situation, it wouldn't be unheard of to take her out of both you and your ex's care.

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Old 04-29-2013, 09:24 AM
 
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Yeah no way. Not only is it fraud but your daughter can stay with you and not in the shelter then please do not expose her to that enviornment. I would contact a lawyer or just file for emergency  sole custody as he does not have a home for her to visit.
 

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Old 06-22-2013, 04:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post

I think you need to talk to a lawyer if you can. A change in custody would require either an agreement between you or court.

I wouldn't agree for my child to spend a night in a shelter if I could put a roof over her head. Your ex seems to be asking you to constructively abandon your child for two months as a means of defrauding the local aid system concerning her living arrangements. I wouldn't do it. It might be reasonable to do a lot of other things to help, but your daughter having a safe place to live is non-negotiable.


I agree with MeepyCat and all the other moms who posted! Your daughter's safety comes first! One answer might be to let him know that temporarily, he needs time to get his living arrangement sorted out with the local aid system. While he is doing that, maybe he can visit her at your place for a few hours (when he can). That way, he gets to spend time with her, she is safe, and you are present to maintain some continuity. I am sorry you are in such a difficult spot.   

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Old 06-22-2013, 05:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post

I think you need to talk to a lawyer if you can. A change in custody would require either an agreement between you or court.

I wouldn't agree for my child to spend a night in a shelter if I could put a roof over her head. Your ex seems to be asking you to constructively abandon your child for two months as a means of defrauding the local aid system concerning her living arrangements. I wouldn't do it. It might be reasonable to do a lot of other things to help, but your daughter having a safe place to live is non-negotiable.

 

 

 

Agreed.  Very perceptive of you MeepyCat.  


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Old 06-23-2013, 08:53 AM
 
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No way would I agree to this. Your daughter's safety, your custody arrangements, everything that is already settled, would be on the line.

I had a friend who had 4 kids and was considered "homeless". Her ex lived with his grandma in a home too small for the kids. Anyway, the mom was given 30 days to prove she had a place to live or the state was going to step in and take the kids from her and place them in foster care.
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