Feeling very alone and seeking support - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 06-11-2013, 07:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to thank everyone who replied for their kindness and thoughtfulness. I really appreciate it. I don't know how to delete a thread, so I'm editing everything out. I'm not comfortable with this post anymore. Thanks again though mamas <3

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#2 of 6 Old 06-11-2013, 08:43 PM
 
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#3 of 6 Old 06-12-2013, 03:47 PM
 
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Big hugs mama.

 

Wow, what a lot on your plate. 

 

Gently....I would encourage you to look up sociopaths (and co-dependency).  I don't mean your violent types ....(although he could be - you never know)...but the sociopath next door.  They are masters at manipulating and mimicking emotions such as empathy.  But they are hollow inside and lack true empathy and just want power over people, especially women.  He sounds like he could be one.  Everything coming out of his mouth could be a lie.  You owe him nothing.  He is angry for you wanting to keep your baby and telling you it will wreck HIS life and everyone else around him?  What a dork. What a lack of compassion and respect for YOUR feelings.  His story about reconnecting with the son he abandoned could be seriously embellished.  I would run run run as fast as you can.  No contact.

 

Be careful not to give him any more letters or anything in writing that he can keep and use against you in the future. Maybe there's a way to make it "seem" to him you are going ahead with the abortion, nicely cut all ties, and then just quietly make your own decision for you and you alone.  

 

And seek legal advice ASAP - however you can. 

 

I hope you have good IRL support. 

 

Take care.

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#4 of 6 Old 06-12-2013, 07:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks again <3

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#5 of 6 Old 06-12-2013, 07:49 PM
 
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Oh mama - I know what small towns are like.  That's so hard.  I was with someone for over 10 years and discovered he was basically a sociopath (so I have a bit of a sensitive "crap detector" if you know what I mean) - not a guy with a criminal record, not a guy who's an asshole to others....but just a guy who is so deeply messed up that he rewrites history to feed his ego and regain his power over me (or anyone else who dares cross him).  They cannot change. I don't really like labels but sometimes they help (so you know that it's not you being over-sensitive...it's that THEY lack sensitivity and empathy).   I wish you lots of strength in this journey.   The only reason I suggested a lawyer was to consult one to know your rights and hear it from a lawyer (as opposed to the child's father who says a name is needed on a birth certificate to access food stamps, etc.).  

 

If you follow your heart the decision will be right for you.

 

ETA:  First trimester of pregnancy can be awful too.  I remember the feeling of surprise wondering why I wasn't more elated/energetic.  Hormones going crazy, emotional roller coasters....on top of this stress (but I'm sure your baby is probably thriving...).  I found that later in the 2nd trimester it started to feel more real.  And hearing the heartbeat made me cry.  The more time you can take to nurture yourself, the better.

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#6 of 6 Old 06-18-2013, 04:53 AM
 
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I went through a similar experience... my then-fiancee went from daydreaming about us as grandparents some day to "shutting down" emotionally once I got pregnant earlier than expected. The stress I endured over his on-agin, off-again partnering style was severe, so that it was in many ways a relief when he abruptly moved out (& in with an ex who had recently moved here...) when our daughter was 2 months old.
What helped was giving up on "the dream" of a decent relationship with her bio-dad, & instead focusing on my health & my current & future relationship with her. I went out & bought some books that tell you what your baby is doing every day of your pregnancy, mom-to-be journals, etc.
I managed to survive working very part-time. Since I couldn't give her a traditional nuclear family, I wanted to at least give my daughter a stable home life. It paid off, big time.
My daughter is now a happy, healthy, sweet and empathetic kindergartner. We live very frugally (in a tiny 1950 bungalow that my ex was going to renovate & flip but that has now been home sweet home for the past 6 years!). We shop at consignment & sell outgrown clothes at consignment too, so we rarely have to pay for clothes at all.(I can give you more "making ends meet" tips if you want... I have tons!) The important thing is, it can be done, and YOU CAN DO IT! You sound like someone with a lot of natural empathy who will not only be a great mother, but who will get even more out of it than you give. (I was given up for adoption as a newborn, & while I had a difficult childhood and I often wish my biological mom had either kept me or stayed involved in my life, I am grateful she didn't abort me.)
Good luck, enjoy pregnancy & motherhood despite the unsupportive bio-dad, & keep us posted! :-)
Hugs,
Amy
P.S.- I thought my ex might be sociopathic after all the lies I uncovered, but now I feel he's got Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Google it & see if any rings true...
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