How to handle extra-curricular costs? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 06-16-2013, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been separated for almost 3 years. Divorce has been final for 2. Our divorce papers say that extra-curriculars are optional. Is there a way to make it mandatory for ex to pay half of these costs?

I am not asking for him to pay all costs, just half. Our daughters are in dance (they were in dance before the divorce, this is not new), and he has paid a total of $600 in 3 years. I have paid over $2800 just in tuition, not counting shoes, costumes, etc. We have other costs too...soccer, running, viola, swim, sailing. He pays nothing for these at all. He has now told me that he isn't paying me another penny toward extra-curriculars at all.

So I am just wondering if it is possible to take him to court to have this changed to 50-50, or if I am stuck paying 100% from now on? Anybody have experience with this?

For the record...I get child support and he believes the cost should come from that. I also work a very part time job (2 hours per day at the schools). He makes very good money.
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#2 of 7 Old 06-17-2013, 04:30 PM
 
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Hmmmm, I don't really know for certain legally.  I know my neighbor who is also a single mom has extracurriculars set up like that as well with her kids.  I'm not sure about the why or how but I know she forced the issue in court and the father didn't want it.  

 

 

A little side note though, that's a LOT of extracurriculars.  I'm not sure I'D want to pay half the cost of that many activities if my ex had custody, even if I had a good job.


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#3 of 7 Old 06-17-2013, 07:16 PM
 
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My STBX paid half of his daughter's (from his first marriage, my stepdaughter) extracurriculars.  Typically, her mom would pay for everything outright and then he would reimburse her 50%.  That is what we plan to do as well. 


When he asked about it, I believe his lawyer told him to stick with paying 50% because he would likely be ordered to pay a higher percentage based on the amount of custody he had (35%) and their incomes (his ex actually makes significantly more)-I'm not sure of the math on that one, but regardless, yes I believe you can get it ordered the he reimburse you a certain percentage of extracurrciulars-you probably can't get him to actually do it all that easily though, as there's nobody to really enforce it so far as I know, since it's outside the realm of child support.

 

Also, if you expect 50% reimbursement, you'll likely also have to get his approval for the activities or pay for them yourself anyway, so you'd have to decide if it was worth the hassle. 


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#4 of 7 Old 06-18-2013, 04:46 AM
 
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The time to address extracurricular costs, especially if the kids were already participating in the activities, was when you were going through the divorce.  And putting in that it is optional isn't addressing it.  It gave him an out to not pay.

 

You can try to have it put in that he is required to pay half, but your chances of that aren't very good.

 

Now, if it has been some time since child support was set, you may want to consider a review.  If his income went up, you will get more.  And in a collectible way.  Of course, if you are in an income share state and your income went up as well it may be a wash. 

 

In my decree, it was addressed and my ex doesn't have an out or the option of saying no to the ones that the kids were doing at the time of the divorce.  It's just the new ones that need his approval.

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#5 of 7 Old 06-18-2013, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the information. I am not sure it is worth the hassle. Going to court for income raise won't help, as his employer pays him cash under the table for all over time, and he only had a small raise since the last review. As for my income...it's a joke. I work 10 hours per week at the local schools but friend of the court has me down at minimum wage/ 40 hours per week because I am an able-bodied adult who COULD be working full time. Anyway, thank you again for the information.
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#6 of 7 Old 06-19-2013, 02:36 PM
 
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My SIL tried this twice and the court refused to asess extracurricular costs. Costs were far less than the ones you've outlined, which I wouldn't want to pay for either.

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#7 of 7 Old 06-21-2013, 07:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenemami View Post

 

Also, if you expect 50% reimbursement, you'll likely also have to get his approval for the activities or pay for them yourself anyway, so you'd have to decide if it was worth the hassle. 

 

 

 

That's exactly why I went the route of modifying the child support instead of asking for reimbursement for activities.  It sounds like a massive hassle.  What if you want little Jane to take ballet and gymnastics and he thinks ballet is stupid and too expensive and he wants little Jane to take ice skating instead?  Sure, my kids don't get to do many activities because of cost but at least I'm not in court every other week fighting with my ex over whether swimming or gymnastics is reasonable and appropriate ya know?  I'll take free storytime at the library and girl scouts which I can get financial aid for any day over that hell.


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