DH and I decided to divorce today. He is military, we have 3 kids together, we've never been especially happy. There is a cycle of abuse going on, though he's never hit one of us with a closed fist..he did slap my oldest across the face once (I got a picture) and has a history of physically aggressive behavior (grabbing roughly, etc). When we discussed the divorce I made the following offer: I get full custody and support while I'm in school, he gets no support once I graduate and open visitation with 3 days notice. He agreed.
After the talk we remembered that I'm having a cancer issue, lol. (I laugh because we forgot). We're doing more biopsies of a "precancer" area of my cervix that may need removed. He agrees that we need to wait until I get it taken care of because I have tricare as long as we're married.
I'm worried that in the time we're waiting for my health issues he'll change his mind about giving me full custody...
Anyway where do I go from here? He wants to do the easiest thing, go through mediation, write our own agreement and get it done with as little interference from the court as possible. Can this work?
Where do I go from here? I'm so...lost..yet...excited! I have a chance to be happy...truly happy...
Single, student mama to 3 boys
You can stay married and live separately. Maybe write out your agreement now, while you're both being amicable and get it notarized. Get your own banking set up and have him give you the payments you've agreed to. Once you feel that you can give up Tricare - you can just use the same agreement in the divorce (and since he'll have signed it, he can't say he didn't agree)
Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
Perhaps this will help:
Agreed, get thyself to the lawyer's office on base micah_mae. We ended up getting a civilian divorce because by the time we ended up filing, he was already out and only doing guard. He wasn't active duty anymore. But if you go to legal on base, they can draw up papers to have an agreement signed and notarized by both parties for a divorce OR a separation. I do think it's important to get things done NOW while you are both civil with the kids' best interests at heart instead of waiting because if he's already known for aggressiveness and borderline abuse, you don't want to wait until he's cranky about the court time and separation of assets. As far as I know though, he has to give you his BAH at the very least to house the kids, etc. until the divorce is finalized. We separated in North Carolina(Pope AFB) and NC requires a full year of separation before you file divorce papers. But definitely get your ducks in a row, separate finances, and see legal so that you are at least aware of your rights. And do it soon because they won't represent both of you.