Trying to keep it together when it all falls apart ! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 2 Old 07-19-2013, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
klynn09's Avatar
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My daughter is now at the age where she can both remember a time when her dad and I were together and is old enough to ask questions about why we are not .


Its very hard to explain to a 3yr old the ins and outs of love. Many single mothers mourn the lose of their family units, and not so much the ex. So there have been times where I try to find the words to let her know we both love her the very as when we were a family even though mommy and daddy don't live together anymore , but I mostly end up crying in front of her.


I feel so guilty bc the topic of losing my family still pulls at my heartstrings, no matter how much of a brave face I put on. But my daughter deserves an answer without MY emotions getting all tangled up in it. Any suggestions to make the topic more light for me ?   

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#2 of 2 Old 07-19-2013, 05:16 AM
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What is she asking?  Listen very carefully to her questions because she'll lead you to what she's ready to know.  Is she asking, "why doesn't daddy live iwth us?"  Answer: "because he lives at his house."


Very simple.  Until she says, "but why?"  And then you can add more.  Doing it in increments makes it less painful for both of you.  It also gives you time to come up with a reasonable answer.  Maybe you want to say that mommy and daddy love her both but they felt that living separately was going to be the best option for the family.  Maybe you want to say that mommy and daddy needed to live separately to be happy but that you are all still a family and you both still love her very much that that won't change.  My kids are a little older now so it's easier to explain to them and recently I said that although we love each other and them all very much, our family works better having two houses. Mama and daddy weren't happy living together and we did a lot of fighting and living separately makes it easier to love each other more now.  But we are very amicable and do things as a family and the kids KNOW and will tell you that mama and daddy love each other.  But we really do work better living separately.  

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