Would you live in same apartment complex? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 07-26-2013, 11:45 AM - Thread Starter
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DH and I are considering moving to an apartment complex (multi buildings) to ease some dufficulties of separating. Some reasons include:
-Young kids accustomed to family bed may need to come to sleep with me at night
-Currently share a car, and may continue to do so for a little while.
-Ease of pick-up/drop-off for 50/50 custody
-Help children transition knowing that other parent lives so close.

I don't expect to be harassed or otherwise burdened by DH, as we're trying to do an amicable split.

Help me think it through- what pros or cons come to mind for you?
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#2 of 9 Old 07-26-2013, 12:46 PM
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my XH moved into the house next door. It's been really helpful - one of us calls to say the kids are coming, the kids walk across the lawn, the door opens and closes. We barely saw each other the first year or so, except when he'd come over to get the kids and hang out longer than I wanted (stopped that w/ some email conversation)


It's some times been weird and sad to have my kids right there but not be with them. Like hearing them all wrestling and playing on his bed and knowing I'd not be a part of that anymore. (our split was sudden and not my choice)


One of the best things is that it's meant no traveling for the kids except when he started dating his GF and they started spending more time at her place (20 miles away). He'll likely move in w/ her in the next 6 mo, though probably on our side of town near the kids' school, and I am not thrilled about having to figure out traveling for exchanges.

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#3 of 9 Old 07-26-2013, 05:13 PM
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My father always said that it should be the parents who have to move around, not the children. Having grown up hearing that, I wish that it was a realistic solution to my own divorce and visitation schedule. How naive, right? I love the idea of disrupting my daughter's life as little as possible---this wasn't her decision, but I know that I could NOT live near my ex-husband. I hate that he's across town, let alone within earshot of his bedroom.

I should have prefaced that with "I divorced him and we are totally amicable".

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#4 of 9 Old 07-27-2013, 09:08 AM
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When we were first separating, I deluded myself into thinking maybe we could make the bird's nest thing work, where the parents move and the kids stay in the house...hah! I couldn't live with the man for a reason, KWIM?!!!!  I think it would be nice for the kids to have the parents close, but I wouldn't live right next door to my ex.  I don't need to explain every guest I have over, every choice I make, etc., which he would definitely nit pick on.


The same apartment complex could work so long as they are not adjacent apartments, both for noise and so you aren't constantly running into each other when coming and going, and maybe even if they are different floors or different entrances, for the same reason. 


I would be uncomfortable to think of my ex knowing my daily routine, etc.  I would love to live somewhere the kids could bike to my ex's house from mine someday in the future, but that is as close as I would likely get.

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#5 of 9 Old 08-07-2013, 06:48 PM
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I personally could not do this in my situation because we cannot have a civil conversation without him flying off the handle. I initiated the divorce. If you truly get along well and can work together without volatility -  it sounds ideal. A friend of mine has a good relationship with her XH, no issues with $$$ and didn't have too much conflict. He initiated their divorce...   I wonder if that is the catch? Men behave better when they initiate??? Hmmm  could be onto something;)

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#6 of 9 Old 08-09-2013, 04:04 AM
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Even though we are very amicable and we still do things with the kids together as a family, there's no way I could do this.  If I had to see women he has over in his "off time" from the kids, I think I would be constantly depressed and heart broken.  But that's probably the only reason.  My own heart and sanity.  I think everything else would work out nicely.


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#7 of 9 Old 08-17-2013, 04:41 PM
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Same neighborhood, yes. Same block, hell no. I need privacy and there are certain things I don't care to see post-breakup.

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#8 of 9 Old 08-19-2013, 07:32 AM
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Initially, we had discussed apartments in the same complex, but now I'm glad we didn't. STBX is moving on quite happily with his new single life, from all accounts, and I don't want to see that greensad.gif My sanity relies on not having things rubbed in my face.

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#9 of 9 Old 08-19-2013, 08:10 AM - Thread Starter
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Hmmm... I feel like I would be indifferent about my H's dating or "single life". However, I would insist that our apartments not be in view of one another. The complex we've considered has about 15 buildings and some apartments face inward (poolside/parking/office) and others face out along the perimeter. With the exception of taking walks around the complex, it could be relatively easy to ignore his presence.

I definitely would love a bit more privacy, and separate complexes in the same neighborhood would be ideal. Thanks for sharing your concerns and experiences. smile.gif
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