Homeschooling SAHM needs separation/divorce advice - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 33 Old 09-16-2013, 03:54 PM
 
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That is so great to hear. I guess I didn't mean don't do child support calculator but don't show him the number I thought it would probably give you. A mile in another's moccasins does wonders doesn't it.
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#32 of 33 Old 09-16-2013, 04:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by FarmerMomma View Post

That is so great to hear. I guess I didn't mean don't do child support calculator but don't show him the number I thought it would probably give you. A mile in another's moccasins does wonders doesn't it.

 

I see, it's a negotiation strategy. Got it! :) 


Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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#33 of 33 Old 09-16-2013, 06:43 PM
 
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How wonderful to hear that a reconciliation is possibly in the works.  JIC, here are some thoughts:

 

 

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Originally Posted by Mama Amie View Post

Yes, thank you. That is the approach I plan to take. It seems fair to assume I should be paid fairly for my job as homeschoolers, and assume it should be equal to reasonably priced childcare for two kids during regular school hours, if not his work hours. I just need to do some math there- say $15/hour 8-4 Monday thru Thursday on top of child support average(for clothing/food/supplies). Does that sound reasonable?

 It doesn't work like this at all.  First off, if you do what is essentially a 50/50 timeshare (M-T with mom, F-S with dad) likely no one will owe child support.  They may have him pay you a wee bit because you have them one day more each week than he does.  Your 2yo isn't being HSed because she hasn't reached compulsory age yet, and your 5yo may or may not be eligible to HS depending on the compulsory age in your state.  The court will view you as a mom who just wants to SAH.  They will expect you to go to work FT.  They will not pay you to SAH.  I don't agree with this, but it is what it is.  (That's why, when my ex left me while pg, I held off on filing anything and just took whatever he offered, knowing that if we went to court I would be told to wean and go to work, ex would have gotten 50/50 timesharing, and my CS would have either been zero or pretty dang close to it.)  The court will not calculate an hourly wage for you to care for and/or teach your own kids.  It sucks but it's true.  Your only hope is to work together in mediation to get him to agree to what you want and then pray the judge just signs it without seeing how unconventional it is.

 

Also, once you live apart, even if nothing is filed, you will probably be eligible for public assistance.  You needn't wait for a final judgment to apply.

 

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Originally Posted by Mama Amie View Post

Oh, he's totally on board with HSing and making sure I am financially stable. That's what he says, and I believe it. Of course, I'll have legally binding documents in place for whatever we agree upon.

Yeah, my ex said that, too.  He promised to give me $300 cash monthly and pay for gas and insurance for my new car, as well as make the $250/mo payment.  What I got was the $900 paycheck that was deposited the day he took off and then a month later he crept in the garage in the middle of the night and drove off in my car, which was in his name so I was screwed.  That was it.  Oh, no, wait...one time he came in my car to pick me for a midwife appointment...so, yeah...


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