Birthday email from ex to 2 y/o, instead of card - would you say anything? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 3 Old 08-01-2013, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
Joplusone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 19
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Background: Ex, who's non-custodial, sees DD about twice a month.  He hasn't given her any birthday or Christmas presents ever, although he has asked me to tell him specifically what to get her (when I gave him a non-specific answer, he just didn't get anything).  His new wife gave DD a little present once, when Ex started visitation, though.

 

The issue: DD turned 2 today, and yesterday he sent her a very short email, just two sentences, excluding the greeting and sign-off (note: it wasn't an ecard).  I'm pretty angry about this: DD is just 2, and she can't understand the idea of an email or read it, and he didn't even take the time and effort to buy a birthday card from the grocery store. 

 

I'm thinking of letting him know in a gentle way that a physical card would be more valuable to her.  Would that be butting in?  Or overly officious?  Or come across as snotty?  Either way, I'll be printing out the card and reading it to her, so that she'll get at least a little bit out of it.

 

What do you think about saying anything about the email?

Joplusone is offline  
#2 of 3 Old 08-01-2013, 06:40 PM
 
MeepyCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)

Definitely let him know that a physical card would mean more to her.  Be as gentle as you can, but YES, to a child that age, a physical object means a lot.  Even if the physical object is a card that he picked out, wrote two words on, and stuffed in an envelope. 
 

MeepyCat is online now  
#3 of 3 Old 08-04-2013, 04:22 PM
 
alpenglow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,487
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 52 Post(s)

I probably wouldn't make a big deal of it.  I'd read and show it to dd and then let it go.  I'd thank x. Nothing more.

 

However, next time he asks what she would like, I'd probably just pick the most expensive thing you know she would like (that you can't afford otherwise, but want dd to have) and tell him that!  And suggest he get her a card with cats on it (or whatever interests her).  And keep all emails where he asks for ideas (because then it can be used to show that he didn't know her well enough to come up with his own ideas....if in the future he tries to claim in front of a judge that he is super dad because he got dd that pony castle (or whatever she wanted)!

 

And be sure to have dd give him a card or something like that on x's birthday and father's day too (if you don't already) - and scan a copy, send it by fed-ex (trackable).  Then if he tries to claim parental alienation in the future, you can demonstrate that you tried to foster the relationship too.

alpenglow is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off