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chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 05:15 PM 08-04-2013

Hello ladies - I haven't been here in a while. I switched jobs so I can have more flexible hours with the kids, but, still have been working a lot to make up for the missing income. We are now almost 1 1/2 years into the process. We have made very little progress. Have been to court 5 times over the child support he still refuses to pay. The judge ordered his wages garnished, but, my lawyer dropped the ball and did not submit to his employer, then supposedly straightened things out weeks ago, but, the time keeps passing and still no money. Lawyer says he will follow up Monday and gets all defensive with me. He sent me a text on Friday stating we now have to go to appellate court next month because he is appealing the contempt order. Really??? How can this happen - we have been to court 5 times. He keep stating he can't pay and the judge keeps telling him he can, but, no one ever does anything about it and he keeps dragging me to court which ends up just costing me more money to hear the judge tell him to pay once again? And what is appellate court going to do anyway????   



chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 12:15 PM 08-05-2013

sorry just so frustrated and don't understand why he would keep blocking the child support. It seems as though he would rather give the lawyer money than to support his own children:((((( 


Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 01:41 PM 08-05-2013
It sounds like a terrible situation. Has he tried to exit completely from being a father? If so maybe he imagines he can just walk away. So sorry you are going through this.
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 02:07 PM 08-06-2013

No - luckily just the financial part. He is however, demanding and harassing continuously. I am almost ready to go to family court because of the many violations of the restraining order. Sends me 34 texts, voicemails and calls to the home phone in the span of 24 hours. I purchased cell phones for the children and gave them a basic phone plan so he can contact them liberally. He is demanding I pay for additional services because my son ran out of texts last month. I am so worn down from this process - ready to give up!


Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 04:25 PM 08-07-2013
Could you move to something like www.familywizard.com for all communications? If it is that much of a problem then I would think you could request only a certain means of communication.
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 04:39 PM 08-07-2013

Thank you for your responses. Sometimes it just feels good to just know someone heard you:) That site looks really interesting, but, paying $200 per year to use it is not in the budget. He would never agree to paying 1/2. Anything I suggest he just shoots it down for spite. Over 16 months has gone by - you would think he would have come to terms with things by now? Still fighting for child support and trying to survive on my income alone:(   


Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 06:01 PM 08-07-2013
I am sure you will get more ideas soon. The forum had been completely quiet this last week. Very unusual.
alpenglow's Avatar alpenglow 11:26 PM 08-10-2013
That sounds so frustrating! My counsellor told me its common for controlling (abusive) men to keep forcing things to court in order to drain your finances.

Is your lawyer explaining things well? Really working for YOU? If not is it an option to consult another?

I sure hope the judge also orders him to pay 100% of your legal fees.
Goodmom2008's Avatar Goodmom2008 06:23 PM 08-11-2013

You need to start compiling all of the motions to enforce, put it in chronological order and file a motion requesting that he pay your legal fees.  And that, because of his refusal to comply with a court order, he will have to pay all of your legal fees every single time that you have to file a contempt motion. 

 

Ask that the legal fees be considered child support, you may not get this.  But if it is worded this way, the debt won't ever go away and he won't be able to discharge it in a BK action. 


chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 06:52 PM 08-23-2013

Good ideas - probably should have changes lawyers a long time ago, but, to start with someone new is just daunting:( I will start a binder with everything in chronological order. Have to go back in 3 weeks for depositions - I was told he fired the latest lawyer so how is that going to work??? Then to appellate court the following week :(((((  I am going to lose my job if I keep having to take so many days off to go to court. I explained this to the lawyer but he told me the judge won't care about that - I have to go....


alpenglow's Avatar alpenglow 08:23 PM 08-23-2013
Switch lawyers asap. You won't regret it when you find someone good. You might hear a different outcome from a different lawyer...because that new lawyer is actually effective at convincing judges. Your lawyer should be making applications for your x to pay your legal fees to try to put a stop to his legal abuse. What an awful thing for you to deal with.
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 06:07 AM 08-24-2013

I have thought about this so many times - starting over again - ugh! I worry that I will look like a flake, starting allover with the costs again when I already owe this one $$$! And how do I get all of the paperwork back to start with the new one???? 


alpenglow's Avatar alpenglow 10:34 AM 08-24-2013
You are legally entitled to your records. You can consult a different lawyer, bring a written summary of facts to review and then get a feel for their philosophy/support and ask questions about availability, response times etc. then if you think you would like to retain this one, then you pay the retainer and then inform your former lawyer of the switch.They should provide you a copy of your entire file, which you would then bring to your new lawyer (simpler this way usually). I would at least be getting another opinion. Good luck!
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 01:41 PM 08-24-2013

He is refusing to give me copies without my balance being paid in full and most of this is my stbx's responsibility by court order. Furthermore he states he will not pursue my legal fees or for violations of the court orders because stbx hasn't paid him. He says he will not even let this get to trial because the balance is too high. BUT, he is pushing me to go for depositions in 2 weeks - REALLY? Tells me it is my responsibility to pay him and then get the money back from stbx??? I can't even get my child support - he will never pay me back for lawyer fees! I don't know what to do????? HEEEEELP


KJack's Avatar KJack 08:53 AM 08-25-2013

hang in there!


chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 08:56 AM 08-25-2013

I asked him to cancel the deposition since he said he will not allow this case to go to trial because of the high balance on the bill. Balance due to the 4 times I have had to go to court because of non-payment of child support! Now he wants to meet in person to discuss and says he will withdraw from the case if I don't agree. He won't provide the files - I only asked for the initial stuff. What am I going to do?


Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 09:05 AM 08-25-2013
What is the disposition for? If this is something he would charge for it is so strange he is willing to make your bill higher given the payment difficulties.

It sounds like a terrible situation. I can't understand how court could let this happen. And if your lawyer hadn't made a mistake you would be getting child support now which might help you with finances and maybe you could start paying him. So crazy. I feel for you.
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 09:36 AM 08-25-2013

I believe it is for trial preparedness, yet, he says he won't go to trial??? I told him to cancel it. Now he says I have to go into his office to meet. We have the child support appeal in 3 weeks and I told him we could talk then. He wrote that if I won't meet in person he will withdraw from the case. Is he playing me? Why the deposition if he won't go to trial? I am so confused!

 

My stbx is pro-se and is constantly sending emails to my lawyer and I get billed every time. I told him to stop answering, but, he said he can't do that.

 

Stbx doesn't want to pay CS, wants me to sell the house, wants joint custody etc...   I would like to keep things the way they are - kids are set with the schedule over the past year, the amount of CS is not ideal, but, I can make it work, etc - how do I make this happen???? Should I go pro-se?  


One_Girl's Avatar One_Girl 07:58 PM 08-25-2013
I think there is supposed to be some kind of licensing board that oversees lawyers. Maybe they would/are supposed to answer questions like this. It doesn't sound right for your ex to be able to use your lawyer and then for your lawyer to charge you for it. I would report to the board for that alone. It also sounds weird for a lawyer not to be able to find a legal way to go after a person who is ordered by a court to pay them without bungling it.

You may be able to get court records from the court assistance office at the court house or your states repository.
Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 08:26 PM 08-25-2013

Also weird to say that he is unable to NOT respond especially when you asked him not to. I thought lawyers worked for US not the stbx!


alpenglow's Avatar alpenglow 08:57 PM 08-25-2013
And he should be sharing every piece of correspondence with you as it arrives, and consulting you FIRST before responding. Do you have documentation of you asking your lawyer to not respond?
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 06:10 AM 08-26-2013

Yes, I have sent him several emails asking his to not respond to the emails and he keeps writing back that the Judge would not like it since stbx is pro-se. Do I need to go pro-se? Scared with appellate court coming up. Don't want to lose custody or have anything turn around against me. What the judge ordered is not ideal, but, it is better than what stbx is proposing. 


One_Girl's Avatar One_Girl 07:50 AM 08-26-2013
I don't think that is true, it sounds like he is trying to inflate your bill and has a clear conflict of interest. Lawyers can only represent one party and the two I consulted for my divorce were careful to go over their client list before consulting to make sure there was no conflict. My ex didn't have an attorney but that didn't make him entitled to use mine. I really think this attorney is violating the ethics he is supposed to follow and using terms that sound sensible so you won't pursue this.
Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 07:56 AM 08-26-2013
Is he giving you copies of all correspondence with your stbx? Even stranger if you are paying for him to talk with him and not even being aware of it.
alpenglow's Avatar alpenglow 10:08 AM 08-26-2013
(Sorry)What does pro se mean?
Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 10:38 AM 08-26-2013
I think it means self represented.

My lawyer told me they hate it when it happens for the same reason. They end up being the ones to explain everything to the stbx and it costs the wrong person money.
Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 01:06 PM 08-26-2013
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pro_se_legal_representation_in_the_United_States

This page explains it. Apparently in some places 70%+ of people self represent in court.
chefmommy's Avatar chefmommy 05:59 AM 08-28-2013

Has anyone been to appellate court before? 


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