Feeling alone!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 08-19-2013, 08:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I only just came across this board tonight, but have been stalking all the threads here.

 

I am mom of 4. Boy 8, Girl 6, Boy 2, and Girl due Oct 8th. My husband has decided that he no longer wants to be with me. I am staying here, with him for now sleeping on the couch.. but I can't take it much longer. I need some advice about what my next step should be? I have been a stay at home mom since my first child was born. I have no skills, no family, and no friends who are able to help. I feel completly abandoned and alone and hopeless. PLease help!!

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#2 of 11 Old 08-19-2013, 08:59 PM
 
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I'm so sorry :( I didn't want to read and not respond.  Does your husband have plans to move out?  Are you able to keep the house/apartment?

 

I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but I believe you are entitled to half of your bank accounts at the very least, so maybe that can keep you going long enough until child support kicks in/your baby is born....

 

Stay strong and good luck!


Single mama namaste.gif to dd dust.gifand ds fencing.gif, loving my dsd always reading.gif .
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#3 of 11 Old 08-19-2013, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Legally we aren't married although we have been together for over 10 years. He owns the house we live in. He controls the finances. I am basically starting over from nothing.. but with 4 kids.

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#4 of 11 Old 08-19-2013, 09:57 PM
 
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You will get child support for 4. You might get more depending on common law rules where you are. You need to see a lawyer asap.

What a terrible time for him to do this to you. How far along are you?
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#5 of 11 Old 08-20-2013, 06:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am just around 32 weeks now. Our little girl is going to be born with some medical issues too. I am terrified. I have gone to see a few lawyers, and gotten some advice, but none of them will give me legal counsel until I can put money down. I found out that there is another woman, and possibily many more. I feel pretty stupid.

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#6 of 11 Old 08-20-2013, 06:28 AM
 
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Legal aid maybe? Have you asked him what he is willing to do to help you and the kids? Or is he not communicating?
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#7 of 11 Old 08-20-2013, 06:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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xxx

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#8 of 11 Old 08-20-2013, 07:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fourplusme View Post

Legally we aren't married although we have been together for over 10 years. He owns the house we live in. He controls the finances. I am basically starting over from nothing.. but with 4 kids.

I was in a similar position-we weren't married, but together for 8ish years.  He owned the house in his name only, made and controlled the bulk of the money.  Luckily I did work from home part-time which I was able to turn into almost full-time, but I'm still pretty much flat broke all the time.  It sucks :(


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#9 of 11 Old 08-20-2013, 07:02 AM
 
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It's just fine you felt anger about finding out your unborn child had a problem. It's a normal stage of processing things that happen to us. Maybe you can both forgive each other for that? If it was me I would be really tempted to try to make peace for now and wait until at least until after you get the work done after birth you need done on the baby. Can you do that? Maybe use the time to save some extra money and process things. Read some books and see if you can work past this with him?

There is a website I think called surviving infidelity that people talk about. It might be a good place to start to see if you can recover this relationship (if you want to). It just seems like there is too much stress in your life already to start processing a separation from him.

Maybe talk with him and call a truce until after the operation? Then try to keep things low stress. With three kids and late pregnancy you need to keep your stress down and get as much support as you can. Does he help you around the house or with the kids?

Sorry if this is totally off base. It just seems that unless you have some significant financial and emotional support that delaying this might be good. That doesn't mean you don't try to contact legal aid. Maybe even a women's shelter would have ideas on how to get help when you are blocked from all family finances.

*hugs* to you and know you can get support here.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-20-2013, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He doesn't want to work on it. He doesn't want to stay with me. He says he does, but that he isn't sure he can be. Blah blah. I can't hang in limbo while he puts his feelers out for something better.

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#11 of 11 Old 08-22-2013, 11:43 AM
 
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Call your local social services. They can help you get free legal aid, housing, food, etc. Do you have family who can help too?

 

If your husband isn't interested in working on things at this point, it's probably best to move on. Maybe he'll come around in the future, but what he's doing to you is awful, esp since you are pregnant. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. You being stressed about your child's health problem did not drive him to cheat on you.

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