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#361 of 414 Old 12-01-2014, 08:34 PM
 
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girlspn - thank you! had a good thanksgiving in these necks of the woods.. 80 degrees! Not bad!! When is that new baby coming?!?!?

satori - sounds like you have been through a lot this year.. you deserve a bit of a break and yea, a new baby wouldn't give you that. Excellent FSH!! Got mine tested a few months back and it came back in the same range.. 5.1 I think.. I will also be 39 in a few months. Will that help you feel ok about contemplating things for a while? Less pressure?

Well I was all ready to try again this week, but the stress of the layoff, job hunting and feeling blah have me putting it off for now. I have a vacation scheduled at the end of the month too, I would really like to enjoy that. I think that will put me in a good mental place when I get back to try again. Hopefully I will be employed then too!! I am contemplating POSSIBLY moving back to Hawaii too.. but that depends on the job department. I should have something figured out this month.

Hope everyone is doing well!!!!

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IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
Trying again! Come on good egg!
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#362 of 414 Old 12-04-2014, 10:25 PM
 
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satori-- glad to hear your results were excellent. At least ttc would be possible should you decide to pursue #3 .

angeebaby-- hawaii! sounds nice!! did you live there before?

I'm 38+5 weeks now. I thought the baby might come on Monday because I had contractions all night, and became very anxious because I felt so not ready! I couldn't sleep and got up to put away laundry and tidy up the apartment. Anyway, baby is still cooking and no signs of labor since.

I'm surprised to find that I have fear about labor and delivery. Last time, I was scared because I had no idea how long or painful labor would be. This time, I'm scared because I have an idea of how much it's going to hurt. Had to lol at myself.

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#363 of 414 Old 12-12-2014, 11:09 AM
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Hello ladies. Just checking in.

Girlspn, have you welcomed baby yet?

Prescott, how are you lately? Any news on your front?

Angeebaby, I'm jealous you might move to Hawaii. I've been considering it for years.

Satori, very nice FSH. I would love a houseful but the more you have I think the more support you need. Good luck.

Mommytobe2016, I started out wanting to adopt internationally. My sister brought up the idea of adopting a Korean child or a Chinese child which got me thinking. I've always been open to anywhere but always too young (I was 23 when I switched to IUI so definitely not old enough for adoption). China just updated their standards though so I have to wait a few years before my son is old enough which will give me time to make it passed age 30 I'll probably do IVF first though so adoption is on hold for a while that way.
Where are you interested in adopting from?

AFM, we're in our hometown exploring around until the new year. Holidays, a graduation, trying to work on work, oh my! Have a good one ladies.
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#364 of 414 Old 12-13-2014, 08:12 PM
 
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grlspn - thinking of you!! Wishing you a quick, smooth, wonderful delivery!!

I did live in Hawaii for 7 years, loved it, but worked a LOT to survive there! I was considering a move again since I wasn't getting any responses on the job front out here, but I finally got hired! Start mid January, which is perfect timing. Go on vacation, come home for a week, then start working. Plenty of break time!

prescott - how are things going? Have you gotten any snow in your neck of the woods? We got rain yesterday, and it was windy and cold today. I know, I am ridiculous, but I put the heat up to 80. I am still wearing shorts and tshirts, so I just have to get the winter mentality going

esg - sounds like you have a lot going on! have fun!

afm - looked up the benefits for the new job, and they offer fully paid maternity after 1 year, totally rare benefit! Soooo... I am going to try to time things so that my potential delivery would be after the 1 year mark, which puts my next try in April. Seems so far away though, so I will see if I can make it sooner. Gotta consult my tentative ovulation calendar! Ready to move forward, really don't want to wait on anything, but I am on my own support wise (as you all understand), so I just have to grin and bear it.

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IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
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#365 of 414 Old 12-15-2014, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey all! Sorry I've been awol... went through a really rough patch, but I'm on the upswing I think! ;-)
I just found out I have insurance again and your talk of FSH levels has me curious about mine so I might look into getting that done...
I learned about another way to calculate ovulation. I've heard for many years that the body can O just about anytime it wants outside of the typical hormonal time when science says we O, but I just discovered a way to actually calculate it that tons of people use to get pregnant w/a higher rate of success so I wanted to share it with you too!
This is the calculator and this is some info about it
When you get results from the calculator they say to insem in the 24 hrs BEFORE the date & time given.
I've scheduled w/my donor using this method for this month so fingers crossed! ALSO my teacher friends at the waldorf school I use to work at have invited me to be the angel in the middle of the spiral for the Winter Spiral walk and the past 3 ladies that have sat as the angel have gotten pregnant so let's hope the tradition continues!
Girlspn-blessings on your birth or new baby! Update us when you can!!
Angeebaby-We had a tease of snow on Saturday and they predict we'll get 1-3" Tuesday night!! Congrats on the new job!
Mommytobe-Welcome!! I tried to start the foster/adopt process this year but they didn't like where I was living so they put a kabosh on it, which made me start looking to buy another house in a different area, but financially that's not in the cards right now... so that's on hold and I'm trying to stick with TTC on my own w/a donor who's a friend.
Big hugs to you all and Merry almost Christmas!! (Anyone celebrate any of our other winter holidays?)

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#366 of 414 Old 12-15-2014, 05:57 PM
 
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Angee, congratulations on your new job!

Esg, it's good to hear from you. Do you have any special traditions with your son for the holidays?

Prescottchels, glad to hear that about the insurance, and let us know how this method of calculating ovulation goes!

Afm, I went into labor yesterday morning (dec 15) and baby girl is here!! 8.5 lbs and a second degree tear. Baby moon time now.


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#367 of 414 Old 12-15-2014, 06:29 PM
 
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Grlspn - wooohoooo! Congratulations! Welcome to the world, baby girl! And good job mama!
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#368 of 414 Old 12-15-2014, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Afm, I went into labor yesterday morning (dec 15) and baby girl is here!! 8.5 lbs and a second degree tear. Baby moon time now.


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Awwww congratulations, mama! Welcome to your sweet girl!!
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#369 of 414 Old 12-20-2014, 03:31 AM
 
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Thank you ladies! Can't believe she is here already and all my anxieties are out the window (for now).


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#370 of 414 Old 12-20-2014, 09:34 PM
 
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Congrats girlspn and big sister! Welcome baby girl!
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#371 of 414 Old 12-23-2014, 09:42 PM
 
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Thank you farmermomma!

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#372 of 414 Old 12-23-2014, 09:48 PM
 
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Now that baby is here, I'm wondering whether I should make an effort to meet other non-traditional types of families? This city is quite westernized, however, when it comes to families, still very traditional. I.e., babies born out of wedlock are still referred to as 'illegitimate', and during my pregnancy I was asked about a husband/father at almost every check up, even though it states clearly on my medical record that I'm a single mother. I have yet to meet another single parent or step family here.

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#373 of 414 Old 12-25-2014, 12:00 PM
 
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Girlspn - I would definitely try to reach out! I joined a single mama meetup group when I had first decided to start ttc, just before my first iui, and met single moms from many different situations, divorced, widowed, surprise baby from dating, and then me. The baby is the great equalizer! They were very intrigued and excited, here I thought I'd sort of be the odd one out, and instead i was embraced even without being pregnant yet. Can you search for a meetup.com group nearby?
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#374 of 414 Old 12-25-2014, 01:35 PM
 
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I love my church for diverse families. Meetup has been good for meeting different preschool groups for us.

Crossing my fingers for signing on new house on the 5th!

After a fizzle with my boyfriend, there has been a rekindling. I'm on an IUD for now. This was a compromise to keep him from the big V. I can't even imagine a new baby now with upcoming moving and underfoot toddler. I have been considering more often now that maybe I am done. My boyfriend is such a baby and animal person sometimes I think I want a baby with him then I'm like he's great with mine why mess with that. I don't often think about having one on my own anymore. Time will tell. Moving and getting settled will help my head a lot.
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#375 of 414 Old 12-26-2014, 02:15 PM
 
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farmermomma - good luck on the house!!!! definitely crossing my fingers for you!

I can understand how you are feeling with the baby thing. I definitely do want a baby (for now), but I am pretty content with where life is if it shouldn't happen. Everytime things fall apart with a potential partner, I reaffirm my stance to be a single mama. Then hope gets rekindled when I meet someone new. Maternity leave is fully paid at the new job, so I have found a bit of a breath of relief that I can take a break, and have it be a positive thing, until my first 90 days is up (mid April). As soon as I have that break mentally, and am happy in my singledom and single mama path, the other possibilities pop back up.

Met an older gentleman, and I mean gentelman, wow, a couple weeks back. In my pretend land, I can see him being the option for my kid free path. Then, simultaneously, I reconnected with a friend in Hawaii. We both always have shared deep feeling about what we've gone through in life, sadness, partners, death of parents, that we haven't shared with others. I have challenged him in the past, and hurt his feelings, we have laughed together, he has calmed me when everything seems like it will implode. We definitely are good friends. Now suddenly, we are both single, he knows how much I want babies, and we both are daydreaming about having that simple life with someone we trust, with wacky kids running around, having a home to grow old in. I will be visiting him on my vacation this week.

Now I can envision all sorts of different paths and have no idea which one will work out best. So many options. I guess this is where I see where life takes me. It is sort of overwhelming though. I just want to know where I am at, and where I am headed. Hate the uncertainty.

38 year old hopeful to be single mother by choice!
IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
Trying again! Come on good egg!
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#376 of 414 Old 01-02-2015, 10:59 PM
 
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Girlspn - I would definitely try to reach out! I joined a single mama meetup group when I had first decided to start ttc, just before my first iui, and met single moms from many different situations, divorced, widowed, surprise baby from dating, and then me. The baby is the great equalizer! They were very intrigued and excited, here I thought I'd sort of be the odd one out, and instead i was embraced even without being pregnant yet. Can you search for a meetup.com group nearby?

I'm not in the US, and so far I haven't been able to find a single mama or SMC meet up. Single women cannot use donor sperm or receive fertility treatments here so I'm not surprised I can't find anyone. I've attended a few LLL and other events with moms-- everyone is married. Not that I have anything against married people (glad they are able to find someone!), I'm just hoping to find other families that are less traditional so my kids don't think they're the only ones without fathers.

The U.S. Seems like a great place to be a single mom, lol. Nobody bats an eye. The other day when I went to register my daughter's birth, I had to write a declaration that my ex isn't the father, and state reasons for why there's no father on the birth cert, and even details about the boyfriend/relationship that resulted in this child (their words).


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#377 of 414 Old 01-02-2015, 11:04 PM
 
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Farmermomma, good luck with the house!

It's nice that your kids and your boyfriend get along. Is he someone you can see yourself with in the long term?

I still think I would want a third, if I haven't met someone by then.. And all my friends and family are brutally honest that my chances for finding someone in this city is slim to none as a 30+ year old single mother of two young kids. I feel they find it funny that I even entertain such a thought.


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#378 of 414 Old 01-02-2015, 11:09 PM
 
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Angeebaby, it sounds like you are in a good place, with being content with kids or without either way. And also having good friends around!

The older I get I more life seems uncertain. When I was married I thought I could see where life was going. Now I'm not married, with kids, and life is still uncertain. More so in some ways because a small part of me wants to move away from here.


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#379 of 414 Old 01-02-2015, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Everybody! Happy New Year!!

Wow Farmermomma!! So close to the new house!! Congrats!!

Girlspn have you checked in on the choice mom yahoo group? I'm pretty sure there are international gals on there, maybe maybe someone else is near you.....?

AFM AF is due on the 14th and I've had some baby wonderings this cycle but when I realized how far off I was I've been trying to put it out of my mind. All goes so much more smoothly when I don't think about it. at. all. Probably won't even test til I think I'm actually late.
The Holidays have been so wonderful and fun, but I'm ready to get back to business as usual, whatever that is! Ha!
I rearranged the living room and chucked a bunch of stuff into the playroom to get it out of the way since I couldn't leave things on the front porch (my usual MO) since we were expecting snow, which we got! Wahoo! BUT now I need to overhaul the shed, AGAIN cuz I needed the playroom for my friend's munchkin today & tomorrow (so into the shed it went) lol It's constantly a shit shuffle here!! Living with less than 500 sq ft when I have stuff for twice that size of a house is starting to make me crazy, but it's not in the budget to move so I gotta make it work for now.

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#380 of 414 Old 01-02-2015, 11:55 PM
 
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Girlspn - I know you've mentioned it before, but I don't remember, where are you living now? I understand how difficult it can be with the cultural expectations. You know, it could be the opportunity to create a group that doesn't exist, to help yourself and other single moms. It takes a bit of energy though, which might be hard right now.

Since I've been back to hawaii, I'm realizing this is where I have my support system already in place. I'm trying to build anything in arizona and it just isn't happening. So now I have more to think about, on top of baby, do I relocate back here. I left only because I worked overseas and sold everything to prep for the job. The downside to moving here is the cost, but there's a cost, whether it is monetary or not, everywhere. Here I have the friends, comfort, plus its culturally more family and child friendly.

But I'm on vacation, so I'm going to tryyyy to not think about stuff, for just a few more days!

Happy new year everyone!
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#381 of 414 Old 01-03-2015, 11:06 AM
 
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Angee, congratulations on your new job!

Esg, it's good to hear from you. Do you have any special traditions with your son for the holidays?

Prescottchels, glad to hear that about the insurance, and let us know how this method of calculating ovulation goes!

Afm, I went into labor yesterday morning (dec 15) and baby girl is here!! 8.5 lbs and a second degree tear. Baby moon time now.


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Congrats! How are you finding motherhood?


I'm not happy here, both kids are in counseling with everything thats gone on (we've had a very, very rough year) and I will be having words with them. They told the girls they have a father, um no, they dont! They have a sperm donor and I don't appreciate them confusing the kids and upsetting them. Gotta love living in one of the most conservative places in the country where its all about god, guts and guns and people thinking family is mom+dad.

Seriously?
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#382 of 414 Old 01-04-2015, 01:38 AM
 
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Congrats! How are you finding motherhood?


I'm not happy here, both kids are in counseling with everything thats gone on (we've had a very, very rough year) and I will be having words with them. They told the girls they have a father, um no, they dont! They have a sperm donor and I don't appreciate them confusing the kids and upsetting them. Gotta love living in one of the most conservative places in the country where its all about god, guts and guns and people thinking family is mom+dad.

Thanks! So far two kids hasn't been as hard as people have warned... Just a new dynamic. My older dd gets very clingy sometimes and is actually harder to handle right now.

I'm sorry to hear that things have been tough for your family. How did your kids respond to being told they have a father? Is the school aware that they are donor conceived? (If these questions are too personal feel free to ignore!)


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#383 of 414 Old 01-04-2015, 01:44 AM
 
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Angeebaby, a support system is so important! Right now the main reason I'm here is a built-in support system-- my immediate family. What have you tried to do in Arizona? Have you lived there long?

What you say about starting something/creating a group is something I should really consider as I don't have many friends here, the ones I am close to have no kids yet so we don't see each other much. I'm so introverted I have no idea how to go about doing so. We are moving to a new community and my dd starting a new preschool, I'm hoping to meet new people there.

Oh I just realized I forgot to answer your question-- we live in Hong Kong.


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#384 of 414 Old 01-04-2015, 01:49 AM
 
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Prescottchels, thanks for reminding me about the yahoo group! I will check it out. Good luck with this cycle and I'm glad you're not thinking about it!

I hear you on the lots of stuff in a small space. The 3 of us live in 700 sq ft apartment and I'm constantly trying to control the amount of stuff (mostly gifts to dd) coming in.


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#385 of 414 Old 01-04-2015, 09:58 AM
 
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Thanks! So far two kids hasn't been as hard as people have warned... Just a new dynamic. My older dd gets very clingy sometimes and is actually harder to handle right now.

I'm sorry to hear that things have been tough for your family. How did your kids respond to being told they have a father? Is the school aware that they are donor conceived? (If these questions are too personal feel free to ignore!)


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She's probably feeling a bit threatened by the new baby, its common for the older one to really start acting up when the new baby arrives and gets the attention. I know I had problems with my older when #2 came.

Its actually private counseling/behavioral intervention that told them this. I haven't talked to my older child yet but it left my 8yo baffled about why they would say that. Unfortunately my teen has only brought up the donor (known in her case) while psychotic and it has not gone well so I've honestly been avoiding asking her what the councilors said because I don't want to bring up the issue. Its only come up 2x and went very badly both times due to her delusions. She's currently stable and I really don't want to risk upsetting her and throwing her into a tail spin. I will be talking to their supervisor tomorrow and making it clear that if they bring it up again I will terminate ALL services with them for the entire family. I haven't seen any improvement anyway from their work with the girls.

Seriously?
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#386 of 414 Old 01-04-2015, 01:50 PM
 
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Girlspn - I have worked to build a support group in Arixona. I have lived there almost 4 years now. It is a little slower making friends there as people are more closed off. I'm very picky about who I will invite into my life as well.

I figured after a kid comes along is too late (I'll be working, so between work and kid, there just wouldn't be much time), that's why i joined the single mama group nearby. I have made a close friend through that group, and am paying it forward by sharing social time with her and been able to help out with baby in a couple of short notice emergencies. I also have a friend of almost 10 years who is more of a grandma age, which would also be nice for a kiddo to experience. I live right across the street from two great elementary schools with pre-k at age 3, so it would work out well.

In Hawaii however, I'd have 10x's the number of people to help out, and even strangers are so much more family friendly and accommodating. Its just the difference in culture.

Speaking of which, it is a very Asian culture here, but with a mix of American customs and acceptance of people from all sorts of backgrounds and family situations. It almost sounds like it would be a good fit for you! Easier travel to Asia from here for family visits.

I did look at a place to potentially move to. I am not sure how the finances would work out, but I will find out more about that once I get home. I'm hesitant to make a move before I have my kid tho, it just adds in more potential delays. But i would like to line things up, so that with or without a kiddo (who knows if i can stay pregnant), I'd have the option to return here.

I am also an introvert. I am a friendly person and can be very warm and close once I know someone, but I initially keep a comfortable distance. I think starting a group might be different though, because you'll be meeting people in a very similar situation, there's a certain vulnerability to being a single mama that will make you feel like you already know the person in some form. I would try it out. Worse case, it doesn't work, but there's no harm done. Best case, you'll make great new friends.
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#387 of 414 Old 01-04-2015, 01:58 PM
 
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Satori - is it possible to find couselors that are positive to alternative family types (eg. Gay/lesbian friendly). They may be more sensitive and educated in how to address the sperm donor topic with your children. I would be concerned that they didn't ask you for permission to discuss that aspect with them beforehand. There could be other reasons (even if there were a father involved) that the man would not be in the picture. They do not seem very professional
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Prescottchels - good luck, and congrats on keeping your mind clear! Honestly, the months I'm tracking really stress me out and affect other parts of my lofe negatively. I'm hoping to get better in future months to just let it go and let it be. Congrats on refocusing!

I did a LOT of clearing out at home before I left on my trip, so I know that feels good! I think of myself as a minimalist, until I open drawers or closets hah.
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#389 of 414 Old 01-05-2015, 09:54 PM
 
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Angeebaby, that's so nice of you to help out a single mama in emergencies!

I've met some Hawaiians before and they all love it there. I may consider it at some point in the future. I grew up in a small island near guam and am an island girl at heart. I never wanted to raise kids in HK (environment is not so great for kids), but the built-in support is makes such a difference right now. It's nice to know you have family and friends you can rely on when/if you decide to move.


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single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#390 of 414 Old 01-05-2015, 09:58 PM
 
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Single Mamas By Choice

So my ex husband (father of DD) has been calling to talk to dd again for the past few months. We never talk about personal stuff, and I never told him about the pregnancy. Well, now I am wondering how and how much to tell him about my baby? He's probably never heard of donor sperm before. He's also very traditional.

Our divorce was finalized a year ago so it may seem like this baby happened quite fast.


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