Single Mamas By Choice - Page 17 - Mothering Forums

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#481 of 494 Old 03-17-2015, 05:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sl33pymom View Post
most people I know didn't choose, and it makes me question if I have certain rights, like the right to complain or seek help... both I try not to do, I'm very grateful for my girls and I do everything I can alone, no government assistance or anything, it's just really stressful sometimes to carry all of the weight without an outlet.
Welcome Sl33pymom! Congratulations on your girls.

I hope you find the forum helpful. I feel this stress often, and feel that nobody understands IRL, so turn here and am very grateful the support exists.

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#482 of 494 Old 03-17-2015, 05:24 PM
 
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angeebaby, I am sorry to hear things didn't work out. Hope you can still be friends as it seems like you both get along well. What is the usual timeline/wait for fostering?

prescottchels, I find it hard sometimes to see old classmates having it all... career, husband, kids... I had to close my FB account so I don't get too negative. Echoing esg above and really hoping something happens soon. You do deserve it.

satori, how are things with your kids?

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#483 of 494 Old 03-17-2015, 07:51 PM
 
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. I always presented our family as mama, baby and grandma and made it a point to read books showing different families. In some ways I think I avoided books that showed a mom & dad family. Neither was really exposed to a "traditional" family and were raised to accept just about every possible configuration as that's what was around us. I was debating #3 this year and had already decided not to say anything until I had to if I went ahead with it. That said my oldest is now 14 and has high functioning Autism so that could have impacted why she's didn't ask about her donor. My 8yo hasn't asked either.



Satori, can you share what books you have without mom & dad families? We are around only traditional families so my dd feels keenly the lack of a daddy present.


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#484 of 494 Old 03-17-2015, 08:07 PM
 
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Satori, can you share what books you have without mom & dad families? We are around only traditional families so my dd feels keenly the lack of a daddy present.


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It's been years but a quick Google search found a few titles
http://singlemomseeking.com/blog/201...ingle-parents/
http://www.pragmaticmom.com/2013/09/...ingle-parents/

http://www.theguardian.com/education...enandteenagers

http://www.welcomingschools.org/page...ds-of-families

Children's Books with Single Parent families

The only one I really remember is Heather has 2 Mommy's be because my mother really flipped out when I bought it lol

Seriously?
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#485 of 494 Old 03-19-2015, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Angeebaby, I have a couple donor contracts I can email you if you're interested in having your friend sign one, and if you do artificial insem, even if it's at home, that holds up in court better than if you get preggers by him the traditional way. The contract is to protect you both-for him to not get sued for child support and for him to not sue for custody or visitation. You can also have him waive his parental right once the child is born (it can't be done prior) and that w/a contract should be pretty solid to prove to anyone in the future there was no intent for him to parent and that it was a completely solid donor agreement/arrangement.

Former Nanny Extraordinaire, looking forward to being a Mama! treehugger.gif I love Organizing & being a Health & Wellness Coach eat.gif & I'm crunchy granola as long as it's organic and certified gluten free. GF since March '08 yummy.gif. Willoughby Nov '11  cat.gif TTC #1-still, again, some more, & seriously pondering adoption. 
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#486 of 494 Old 03-19-2015, 02:56 PM
 
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Unfortunately, those aren't valid in az (or most states). The condition is that the sperm must be donated at a reproduction assistance clinic and then have a documented insemination. I have asked him to do that, he could have gone in and left a sample for me, they would have charged a nominal fee (that I would have paid, about $200, including washing and freezing) and then shipped it to my dr for an iui. He said no.

I'm also not willing to have someone come back and hit me up for child custody and potentially child support (costs are no longer just left for the father to pay). A man has a legal right to custody (if he files for paternity establishment) if conception is outside of the medical control. Just not worth the risk to me.

I also don't want him popping into my life when he sees fit. If I have a kid who asks if I know where their father is, I couldn't lie, and the door for him being around is opened. Just way too much trust and risk on the line for me.
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#487 of 494 Old 03-19-2015, 03:04 PM
 
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Girlspn- it takes about a month for classes to start, the classes are once a week for 10 weeks, plus a home inspection and then the homestudy. Once that is all done, the agency sends the license application to the state, they review all the collected info and then approve/deny the application, which is another 1-2 months. So when it is all said and done, its about 4-6 months. Thats why I'm figuring I will do both at the same time. If I have another 6 months of iuis and no bfp, well, it probably isn't going to happen, but I'll be ready to go (hopefully) for fostering.

Next, I have to start looking at donors again. That one is tough for me! I get so stressed about picking out the best health background I can.
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#488 of 494 Old 03-19-2015, 03:41 PM
 
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Out of curiosity - if you go the known donor route, but don't use a friend, what way do you recommend to find a good donor? Asking friends isn't an option - most would want a co-parenting situation or split custody which is not what I want. With DD everything just fell into place, so I never really had to hunt for a donor. From a bit of looking online, things aren't falling in to place as easily this time around. I joined a couple FB groups geared towards connecting donors / prospective moms, but only had a few nibbles & none local. I'm not picky at all really other than STD free - I just want a baby. My own health history isn't great, so I'm understanding if the donors isn't blemish free, KWIM?


Of course this is still all theoretical right now - I still need to work on my health before TTC #2 . But I did talk with my DD about the possibility, and she is very much for it.

Me, 30 single mama to T age 8 We and Love it!
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#489 of 494 Old 03-19-2015, 08:28 PM
 
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Prescottchels - I'm about to sleep, and all I can think of is how poorly you were treated by the foster agency. Meanwhile, kids are sleeping on the floor in office buildings and homeless shelters because they have no where to go. So irritating, frustrating.
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#490 of 494 Old 03-20-2015, 07:43 AM
 
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Frugalmama - I totally understand about the health thing. I don't think anyone has a perfect family health history. My concern is a double whammy of things I know run in my family and have them in a donor too. Just trying to mix up the genes a bit!

I know prescottchels mentioned a known donor website not too long ago, you might want to search back in the last couple months or pm her. I think for anyone you know in person, friend or not, there's more of a paternity/custody risk. Scary to me.
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#491 of 494 Old 03-24-2015, 06:46 AM
 
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Satori, thanks for those links. Did you ever bring up the subject of how they were conceived or wait for them to ask?

frugalmama--happy to hear your dd is for having a sibling!

angeebaby, that sounds like good planning. What is the age range of the kids you would be fostering?

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#492 of 494 Old 03-24-2015, 08:35 AM
 
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Satori - to start I will take newborn to 6 months. It will be hard to send them back home, but I'm willing to do that so I can be there for one that doesn't have another home to go back to.

Actually, even if I manage to get prego and have a kid, I would be open to fostering still for a second. Have to see where life leads me.
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#493 of 494 Old 03-24-2015, 05:48 PM
 
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Satori, thanks for those links. Did you ever bring up the subject of how they were conceived or wait for them to ask?
They have never asked to be honest.

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Originally Posted by angeebaby View Post
Satori - to start I will take newborn to 6 months. It will be hard to send them back home, but I'm willing to do that so I can be there for one that doesn't have another home to go back to.

Actually, even if I manage to get prego and have a kid, I would be open to fostering still for a second. Have to see where life leads me.
lol, I said the same, I got preggo with #1 while doing foster classes and thought oh! I'll still foster after having a baby, yeah right.... I had my hands full with my own and no way could have handled the additional time and issues that go into fostering I know where I was at you had to tote the kid all over and spent about 15 hours a week taking them to appts between counseling, visitation, behavioral stuff ect. Even now I don't have that kinda time

Seriously?
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#494 of 494 Old Yesterday, 06:09 PM
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My mom did foster care when my sisters and I were little. It was both good and bad. More good than bad but it's always had me on the fence. I'd love to adopt as J gets older though.

Single mama by choice to sonbabyf.gif 2/2011.
I love showing my little sweetheart (now a busy preschooler!) the world!

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