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#541 of 559 Old 05-08-2015, 07:40 AM
 
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Well, after meeting the grandma again last night, I'm sorry that I used up 3 minutes of everyone's life reading my previous post! Doubt they will take the child's best interest to heart. Bunch of losers really. A taste of what the foster process will be like.

Girlspn - hope you can foster adopt in HK or China. Bunch of loser druggies here!

On a whole other note...! I started back on all my vitamins 2 nights ago. After the last try back in Feb, I just got burned out on all the many supplements I was taking. I'm not actually deficient in anything, they are just my usual feel good stuff plus a prenatal. It does make me feel like I'm back in the process though. I'm super excited! I've been continuing to exercise during mt break, but healthy eating has slid, so I need to get back on track w that.

I really hope this works, and sticks, i just need one of them to work!
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#542 of 559 Old 05-09-2015, 05:50 PM
 
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Hey angeebaby-- I'm sorry to hear how things turned out. Sounds like a lot of drama is going on with that little boy's family. It's hard when you want to help but can't do anything.

When is your next IUI?

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#543 of 559 Old 05-10-2015, 10:48 AM
 
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I confirmed my iui for sometime next weekend (unless my body decides otherwise). I'm really excited. I feel like this is a whole new process w a new donor.
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#544 of 559 Old 05-13-2015, 11:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angeebaby View Post
Well, I met him last night. Was not expecting to be so bowled over by this little boy. He has the most humongous happiest smile in the whole world! He is a big boy for 8 months, super strong and smart (he's been in daycare since birth, so he's been exposed to all the infant development toys, has them all figured out). He was soooo easy! Happy to be held, communicated when he was hungry, played well w my friend's 18 month old.

I met the grandma that is caring for him at the moment. Seems like the whole family is delusional about the reality the daughter is in. We found online that she has a pending case with 5 felonies, second offenses on 4 of them! I did some reading, I think she will get anywhere from 2.5-6 years. Her trial date (which can always change) is at the end of this month. Her family thinks she's in voluntary drug rehab and coming home for good in 4 weeks.

In the meantime, the grandma has decided since this will be only a couple weeks longer, that she doesn't need to do the foster parent classes. Against the advice of the social worker. In grandma's defense, she is in her 60s, works full time, is not in the best health, and you just look at her and see she is just exhausted.

she is waiting on word back as to whether the baby can stay AT THE DRUG REHAB CENTER with his mother. Yes, they actually will do this. But since she already left with him after she checked in the last time, they may not. Ultimately, the pending court date will be a bigger impact on what happens to him. If she is convicted and her prison term is long enough, her parental rights will be severed.

I will notify cps that I am willing to take him should he need a foster home. I'm not sure if the grandma has even thought about adoption being a possibility. She is still in denial. And as overwhelmed as she is right now, I can't see her saying she would do it. But she's afraid of him landing in a bad place, understandably.

I will throw my name into the hat and let the family know I'm available if they'd like, but ultimately, it will be their call since they are the blood relatives.

Happy, sad, eye opener of what I may be signing up for.
I'm sorry It's so hard, isn't it? The baby is great but it's the family that could do you in. They're almost always the hardest to deal with.

Good luck on your IUI. I can't believe it's time already! I'm trying to get back into my supplements. I am deficient in a few areas though so I need to not skip them but it gets old having so many to take.

How is everyone doing? How was Mother's Day?

As for me and J, nothing is going on. I missed my clinic's mother's day special for a free consult which I had been waiting for. I was a day too late I was hoping not to have to shell out the $160 but it's looking like I will. I'm not any closer to IVF. Just trying to save up still. That's pretty much what this year will be more than likely with only a consult.

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I love showing my little sweetheart (now a busy preschooler!) the world!


Last edited by esg; 05-13-2015 at 11:58 AM.
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#545 of 559 Old 05-13-2015, 12:32 PM
 
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Esg - sorry you missed the special. Hope you still had a good mother's day.

I understand about the supplements. I've been good actually, haven't been missing them, but I'm tired of them already!

I got my alert that my sperm delivery has arrived at the house. Can't wait to get home. My cm seems super abundant and a little early (cd5) so hoping that means my lh surge might come a little early so I can have a Saturday insem.

Was talking to my gf, telling her how I think I'm a little tired of ttc, plus having the mc's, which just make it more of a bummer. I am definitely moving forward w foster classes, maybe that is helping me feel ok to let go of ttc process. In any case, still have this cycle as a potential! I would of course love for it to happen, but the stars seem not aligned!
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#546 of 559 Old 05-13-2015, 10:22 PM
 
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Happy Mother's Day!

Angeebaby, I really have to hand it to you with continuing on despite mc's. I miscarried once after two years of ttc and it was such a terrible experience. Good luck with your IUI. Do you do them at home?

esg-- I'm sorry you missed the special. What does the consult consist of?


My dd's father suddenly changed is mind and decided he wants to visit dd in HK next month. I didn't expect that! He still doesn't know about dd2. We've barely talked since the divorce.

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#547 of 559 Old 05-14-2015, 07:55 AM
 
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Girlspn - the first two were chemical pregnancies, so I was very bummed, but I had no pain, it really was like a late slightly heavier period.

The last one was later, almost 8 weeks, by the time it finally started, and hurt pretty bad. I had to stay home from work because of it. What made it worse was I already knew it was going to happen after my ultrasound at 6.5 weeks, so I had to sit around wondering when it would start. And to make it even worse, my boobs and uterus were still getting bigger, so I had to wait for my body to get the memo, while I was feeling more and more pregnant. I really would rather just get bfns than go through that if it ultimately isn't meant to be.

I'll gauge how I feel as I continue through the process. I'm changing things a bit this time. I'm going to use a different donor each time and Try to get the IUIs done somewhere in the 12-20 hour range. I dunno if it'll make a difference, but we will see!

I also had been thinking that maybe I shouldn't change anything, but then I just feel anxious, like I should try and do SOMETHING different. for my iuis, I'm averaging a 37.5% "success" rate which is insane really. But there's no way to make a good egg a good egg. I think my age is definitely having an impact.

And yes, I do them at home with the midwife. She has been really great and supportive and helped me get over my needle issue too

I have an appointment with the foster care place Tuesday. The last thing I went to was just an orientation. This time I'm going to sit down w one of their intake people and go through my finances, the type of child needs I can handle, ages, etc. This is the very start of the process, so I really don't know what else I'll need to do besides the 30 hour training. I guess I'll find out.

Interesting about ex-hb. He hasn't wanted to maintain contact so I wouldn't worry too much about telling him or not. Do you think you'd want to tell him before he arrives or after? I can see benefits to both. I'd base it on your needs/wants only. His needs and reaction are really inconsequential.

Will he be staying in a hotel when he visits? Are you comfortable with him taking her out on his own? Or would you rather have supervised outings?
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#548 of 559 Old 05-15-2015, 05:36 PM
 
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Angeebaby, I'm sorry about your m/c experience. My m/c happened around 6-7 weeks. It seemed to have started during the checkup, when the ob/gyn saw blood on the ultrasound wand (and thus I never do transvaginal u/s anymore during pregnancy). I was surprised how painful it was even so early. It was my first pregnancy after 2 years of ttc.

I'm impressed that you can time your IUIs so well without ultrasound. Can any midwife do the IUI? I really wish ART is available here to single women. That is my biggest barrier now to try for another in 1-2 years.. it would involve considerable expense to monitor and fly to another country just for an IUI.

Do let us know about the foster care process. Very interested.

Yes, ex will stay in a hotel. I would prefer to be present when he is with dd, but I'm not sure I want to bring along dd2, as I think it'll just be too distracting. He only plans to stay 3 days.

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#549 of 559 Old 05-15-2015, 09:03 PM
 
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Girlspn - yea, I was shocked too about the pain, cuz technically, I was only physically pregnant 2-3 weeks. Crazy how quickly the body makes changes. My ultrasound tech told me at the time of my u/s that he had that happen as well during a transvaginal And he doesn't do them anymore. He said some drs say the mc would have happened anyways, but he said he had it happen more than once and it just wasn't worth the risk.

Well, I don't know how I'm able to figure out my iui dates except I have very little change, if any, in my cycles. Plus I swear by clearblue digital ovulation tests.

In fact, did a morning, afternoon and evening test today and I just got my positive on my evening test! Can do my iui anytime tomorrow, which is the date I gave my midwife anyhow.

I just texted her, but I don't know if she will be available. I sure hope so, but of course baby deliveries come before iuis, and I know she had a couple due dates close to now. Cross your fingers for me that she can come tomorrow sometime!

I think that's a good plan w exhb. dd2 might be a distraction and its good for dd1 to have dads full attention. Dd2 doesn't need any negative reaction either, even being a baby she can feed off that.

I'm sorry also about the limitations for single moms there. Do you see that changing anytime soon? really, I got my midwife because my doctor refused to "get involved w that" (his words, jerk), so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.
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#550 of 559 Old 05-15-2015, 09:15 PM
 
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Yay! Midwife just texted, we are on for tomorrow!
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#551 of 559 Old 05-16-2015, 05:44 PM
 
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Yay!! Those clearblue digital ovulation tests worked best for me as well. How long does the IUI take?

I doubt the law will change anytime soon. More than a few news articles on how backwards HK is ART and non-traditional families have been published in the past few years, and last year a popular drama featured an episode on donor conception (good discussion on the challenges yet the character did not pursue it), but HK is still ultimately Chinese culture. Many married couples do use ART though, as the age of ttc have risen.

Is it still common for doctors there to discriminate against or refuse treatment to single women?

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#552 of 559 Old 05-17-2015, 11:07 AM
 
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girlspn - from the time of the start to actually finishing the IUI, I'd say 5 minutes. It takes a little more time than that though because I need to thaw the vial, and we setup a little sterile table w the catheter, gloves, speculum etc. I get the trash can w a new liner and get a couple chairs to prop my feet up on (I use my bed to lay down since we are doing at home IUIs). Then after the IUI is done, I lay there w my butt elevated on a pillow for about a half hour. So from setup until I get out of bed, Id say an hour total.

This time my girlfriend did the IUI but my midwife was there to instruct her how to do it and explain how all the things work and special issues w me (no biggie, just that its hard to see my cervix so they have to adjust stuff a certain way to see it).

I think discrimination depends on the community. I think if I were in Hawaii or California, it would be a non-issue. But backwards Arizona? Yes, in fact, that was my first experience trying to setup an IUI, the doctor said he didn't want to be involved. BUT not til after he asked if my husband had already had his sperm checked. Nice tricky question there to get all the info he needed of course.

My midwife is from here, but she is LGBT, single mother and immigrant mother friendly (yes, because there are racist ass***** here too). My OB/GYN is also from California, so I feel safe with her as well (in fact I had a breakdown in her office after the experience with the first doctor).

Are there any doctors in HK that cater more towards western patients? I wonder if they might be more open minded.

Oh, I added my IUI to my spreadsheet and hadn't realized it had been 7 months since my MC and my last IUI. I did two regular IVI/ICI inseminations in that time, but I know the odds on those are not as high as IUI. At least gf can help me with the future IUIs. But I am 39 now, I cannot afford to take anymore time off.

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IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
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#553 of 559 Old 05-18-2015, 06:21 AM
 
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angeebaby, IUI at home sounds more comfortable than at a clinic. How did your gf feel about it?

I'm sorry you had that awful experience with your first doctor. It's hard enough as it is.

In HK, you have to show your marriage certificate to receive fertility treatments. I've heard of a case of a doctor monitoring an SMC, and she had to fly to another country like Thailand for the actual IUI or IVF. The logistics and expense of it is enough to make me reconsider ttc.

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#554 of 559 Old 05-18-2015, 07:48 AM
 
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It is very comfortable at home, plus just being able to lay there, in your own bed, not feeling pressured to hurry up and leave like at an office.

Gf was very, very nervous. She just wanted to watch and learn, but I kinda pushed her a little. She did really good, if anything she was toooo careful! Hah

You could easily do an iui at a clinic or with a midwife out of the country, but unless its already a planned trip/vacation, I agree it would be too difficult. If you require meds/monitoring I could see it being even harder. But, a week vacation around your ovulation, seems doable

It is day 2 now, and I am pretty crampy. I usually get cramps like my period is coming whenever the speculum is used. Hoping it goes away soon.

And I may need to fly out to see my aunt shortly. She is 94, totally with it mentally and in excellent health, other than the little flap to her lungs in the esophagus isn't closing when she has been eating/drinking, so she is slowly aspirating her food, drink and saliva. this is a terminal condition. Sucks that I am here waiting to see if I'm pregnant and yet I have to say goodbye to my aunt that i love so dearly and is in so much pain. In the end we all suffer. Makes me question bringing a child into the world.
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#555 of 559 Old 05-18-2015, 07:51 AM
 
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Oh, and girlspn, remember in the u.s., a woman wasn't even allowed to get birth control or hear her medical results without a husbands approval, that was up til the 70s! We take for granted how much things have changed here, but it hasn't been that long.
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#556 of 559 Old 05-20-2015, 05:59 AM
 
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Well yesterday I had my foster care intake appointment. It went realy really well. I really like the caseworker and she will do my home inspection next week and then I will start my classes in August. She encouraged me to take newborns. I was hesitant because of daycare concerns but she said she can help network to find care while I'm working. Right now they have so many kids too, so being so specific about the age was a non issue, it actually helps them a bit. But she said I could have a baby here in November. Crazy!

Andddd..... I think I'm feeling my telltale situp ab pain again, which may mean a fertilization. I will probably be able to tell more clearly tonight when I go to bed (I can feel it when I'm laying down mostly). Who knows if it'll stick.

I am also on the way to fly out to say goodbye to my aunt before she passes away. Shes 94, my dad's only sibling (my dad passed away 12 years ago). I love her so much, so this will be hard. Also feel like I'm losing my dad again, the two of them were always so close.
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#557 of 559 Old 05-20-2015, 06:19 AM
 
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Wow, angeebaby, that's a lot going on. A newborn by November! Is that what you most prefer? Does the foster parent pay for daycare? I hear daycare can be quite steep in the US.

How long does your aunt have left? I hope it will be peaceful.

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#558 of 559 Old 05-20-2015, 09:37 AM
 
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Daycare runs about $1000 a month for an infant. The state picks up the tab for daycare if you work, so it will be covered. The issue is finding a place that will take such a young baby, but according to the caseworker, they exist. So I guess we will see.

I actually put down 6 weeks (because daycare will accept at that point) to 1 year. So she asked me why the 6 weeks, I explained my concerns and she said newborn could actually work. There is always the chance of adoption as well, but that would be after 9 months- 1 year. They always try to get the baby back with family though.

My cousin said that my aunt has a couple weeks at most, but she is deteriorating and is slipping into a depression and keeps saying she wants to die already. I know it sounds so harsh but she is old and when you are that old you've seen everyone around you die. Hoping she will at least feel a little better with me visiting. Tonight I will get some pics sent off to be printed for her so I can put them up around her bed, and maybe buy a cd of some music she might like. Shes in the hospital, so its not like its an enjoyable place either.
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#559 of 559 Old Today, 05:00 AM
 
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Do you prefer to foster or adopt? Or both?

How long will you stay with your aunt? Does she have to stay in the hospital for the rest of the time?

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