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#601 of 662 Old 07-27-2015, 09:39 AM
 
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Frugalmama - I've tried the super cheap opks and they really are not that clear/concise/consistent. I'd get the super cheapos to see when your LH is gearing up perhaps, but I swear by clearblue digital ovulation tests (the single smile). They've worked well enough to help give me several bfps and I was very clear as to when my surge happened. They aren't cheap, but a 20 pack could last you multiple cycles if you use them in conjunction w the cheapies. The wondfos are the cheapest!

My cycle is shorter than average, but I think consistency is a bigger importance than the number of days. From what I've read/discussed w my obgyn and midwife, any double digit lp is fine (10 days or higher).

You might need to lengthen it if it gets below that. Mine was running 10-12 days. Now that its increased to 14 I'm not getting bfps! Murphys law!
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#602 of 662 Old 07-27-2015, 08:39 PM
 
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Positive OPK this evening. I will have my IUI tomorrow morning, yay!!

39 year old hopeful to be single mother by choice!
IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
Stilllll trying!

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#603 of 662 Old 07-28-2015, 06:30 AM
 
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Frugalmama- I agree with angeebaby re clear blue digital opks in conjunction with the wondfro cheapies. The cheap ones were never clear for me and if I had relied on them would never have gotten the timing right. I only used 4 sticks per cycle (my SIL gave me leftovers from her ttc time) because I also tracked cervical mucus and position in addition to opks.

Angeebaby-- good luck!!!!


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#604 of 662 Old 07-28-2015, 04:10 PM
 
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Well one more IUI down! I ended up laying down for an hour, lost track of time while I was reading. So, hopefully every last little sperm got to the egg! Not sure if I will be able to accommodate the next two cycles, so this might be it for a few months. Hate having to miss them, but I will be back at it in October.

I have been thinking a lot about the fostering process. I can't wait to go buy baby stuff (which I have avoided as to not make myself feel bad w failed cycles). I love little boys, I think they are crazy and funny, but I wonder if I have the energy for them! I have been saying ok to either boys or girls, but I am wondering if asking for girls only works better for me. Then I think of tea parties and baby dolls, and I'm like, nope nope, boys it is! The intake for them is split 50/50, so not sure it makes a difference system wise if I were to pick one over the other. I think since I really don't have any male friends/family that could serve as role models at all, maybe a girl is best. I have so many friends with new baby girls, I'd definitely get a lot of hand me downs!

39 year old hopeful to be single mother by choice!
IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
Stilllll trying!

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#605 of 662 Old 07-28-2015, 04:16 PM
 
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girlspn - How is your trip going? Are your girls enjoying it? When would you have a third baby if you decided to do so?

39 year old hopeful to be single mother by choice!
IUI #1 - Chemical 11/2013
IUI #2 - MC @ 5w 12/2013
IUI #8 - Blighted ovum @ 7w 9/2014
Stilllll trying!

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#606 of 662 Old 07-29-2015, 04:31 AM
 
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Angeebaby-- we are having a blast! I'm sad we have to go back in 2 weeks... Lots of outdoor time and time spent just hanging out with my cousin's family.

Probably summer of 2017 to start trying if I'm fertile by then. My first postpartum AF came when dd was 28 months old, and now with tandem nursing might be just as long. So I've got two years to look into ttc or other ways.. I'll probably purchase some vials soon to store though, because if I were to ttc I would want to use the same donor.

Boys definitely require more physical energy than girls! I'm surrounded by 0-2 year old nephews and they wear their moms down! I've been told that girls are easier early on and difficult later, and boys vice versa.

Any update on the fostering front?

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#607 of 662 Old 07-29-2015, 08:19 AM
 
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Girlspn - I start classes Saturday and the case worker let me know my file is now complete, yay! I don't know if that means there are anymore meetings or interviews, but I'm assuming not.

I'm really good with boys, I feel like I manage to get them calm more easily than others seem to. I'm also very direct which helps them, rather than giving cumbersome explanations, which girls can manage better. I feel like boys (from at risk homes) have a bigger disadvantage and I'd be a good person to help elevate them, but I'm about to turn 40. I worry about the physical needs and always being on the go. Of course this will be funny if I end up pregnant with a boy at some point! I will research more regarding boys/girls in foster care, their needs, etc.

I TOTALLY understand about what you're feeling regarding your ex's email. I have had two long term relationships end with guys where they suddenly popped back in to say "hi". Its anxiety inducing, and I'm not sure why.

Although first live in boyfriend of a couple years ended up finding my house in a new city a couple years after we broke up. Left stuff on my front porch! That scared the hell out of me that he knew where I lived AND had the guts to come up to my door, more than once! I ended up having to get a restraining order.

After my ex-hb and I divorced, I realized he was parking on the block and watching the house. I don't know if his intentions were to monitor me or to maybe break in when I wasn't home. I saw him one time and stood there staring at him and he drove away quickly. I moved overseas shortly after that. Two years later, he was still emailing! And our parting was NOT friendly.

Which also makes me super glad you are in HK. He can't easily get there, and if you should decide to move back stateside, he will have moved on w his life by then. Its a weird thing guys do, they really hold onto fantasies of relationships. It might have to do also if they were the rejected ones. Maybe the ego comes into play, but it is scary. I would not reply to the email, personally, but definitely don't delete it.
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#608 of 662 Old 07-30-2015, 05:36 AM
 
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Angeebaby, can you choose whether to foster a boy or girl? Have you spent time with foster children before? I hear some pretty negative comments about fostering in the U.S., so just curious about that. Also, is there a trial period of some sort to see if the child and foster parent match?

Kudos to you for wanting parent boys! My cousin's friend brought her two sons, aged 4 and 2, over yesterday, and just watching them play was exhausting! On the other hand, girls can be such drama queens (like my dd......)

Thanks for sharing your experience with exes. Sounds creepy and I would be scared if he lived closer. I feel better just writing about and letting it out. Can't talk about it IRL because I know most think a reconciliation is better for my family (ie better have a dad in the family), and don't feel like having to explain myself. I always thought guys just moved on from past relationships and girls were the ones that cling on.



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#609 of 662 Old 07-30-2015, 07:38 AM
 
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Angeebaby, can you choose whether to foster a boy or girl? Have you spent time with foster children before? I hear some pretty negative comments about fostering in the U.S., so just curious about that. Also, is there a trial period of some sort to see if the child and foster parent match?
You can make preferences for age and, I believe, gender when you foster. There's no guarantee, though, it's all about what kids need a home. When my mom fostered, she asked for an older girl and ended up getting a newborn boy.

Foster and foster-to-adopt are two different systems (although very similar). Foster on its own is for kids where the intention is to put them back with their family- they just need a home until their family can take care of them properly. There isn't a trial period, in part because it's meant to be temporary. This can turn into an adoption.

Foster-to-adopt, the kids are usually up for adoption (or in a situation where their parents will likely lose custody), so the foster parents and state know from the start that the parents would like it to be permanent. It's a long process, though- so in that sense, there's a trial period. I think there are some states/counties that won't let foster parents specifically request foster-to-adopt situations.

In either case- if it absolutely isn't working out, the kids can be removed and placed somewhere else. A trial period would be cruel, really. These kids have just lost their families and often have other traumas- they desperately need stability and adults that will care for them.


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#610 of 662 Old 07-30-2015, 02:31 PM
 
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Girlspn , sillysappling - yep, it can be rough, but things are changing (reluctant to say improving).

Each state has their own requirements/laws regarding fostering and adoption. a prospective foster parent can always state their preference, but the state can't guarantee you a child that meets those specs. But they also can't force anyone to do anything they don't want to, you can always say no.

They've consolidated the process for fostering and foster/adoption in my state (Arizona). Actually, so much is changing, that the consolidation part just changed this week! So now, should a child become available for adoption, I won't have to start a new process.

I am able to specify the sex and age of the baby. I had told them either a boy or a girl, but I will revise that and say girls only. I really don't have any male role models for a little boy. I also told them my age range is 0-1. You can choose any specifics you want in a child, sometimes you'll just have to wait longer.

Here you must have specific things in place depending on the age. So, a caseworker would need to verify that a crib and baby items were available if they were to license you for that age range. In fact, having too broad of an age range might indicate you're just not prepared enough.

The biggest complaint is usually not about the kids themselves, but getting information from the state. They are supposed to be sharing more info (we will see) about medical and family history. Of course w a baby, there's a lot you really can't know until they've developed a bit more. Which is also why there are a million and one doctor visits to go to, they're always looking for conditions that might have gone undiagnosed and work on the ones that have.

The intention for all children coming into foster care is that they'll be reunited with family. They are only available for adoption once the parental rights are terminated. New federal guidelines control that part, so that's now standard across all states. However, if the parental rights end up terminated, the foster parents get the first chance to adopt before they are available to people looking for adoption only. Thats why a lot of adoptions are for older children and not infants, the infants tend to be adopted by their foster parents who've been raising them all along.

And like sillysappling said, if you're going to have a child placed w you, you gotta at least give it a chance. A lot of the kids will self sabotage to test the family out. They don't really believe anyone wants them. If they are a danger to other family members, then that's different.

I've recently met a few families (and will meet more next week) who have kids from foster care, and you know what, they are so sweet and amazing. so I am becoming less and less fearful of the process. Its just another step into the unknown is all.

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#611 of 662 Old 07-30-2015, 09:14 PM
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Esg - I haven't had an hsg, but I've gotten 3 positives, so my eggs are making it through the tubes. This was my second iui since my last bfp. That one was a blighted ovum, so while it was not viable, it did fertilize and implant successfully. The ultrasound tech took extra time to peek around and said my uterus actually had zero issues, the lining thickness was great and I had no cysts on my ovaries, nothing around my tubes, so that was all good news too.

I really think my age has to do w it. I think it'll work, eventually. Just a matter of either keep trying or just get tired of waiting and stop. I will do this next cycle (which is in only one week!) And take August off since I'll have a 6day workweek when I add in the foster classes.

Just about done w the foster paperwork. I just need to photocopy a bunch of legal docs (birth certificate, divorce decree, tax returns etc) and will drop it off on Wednesday.

I notice I feel constrained when I tell too many people that I'm trying, so I will keep my attempts/updates w only all of you for now. I get annoyed w my friends hah. I know they mean well, but they start with.. you really need to and then I want to tell them where to go, but of course I don't.

I think doing fostering will actually be very good for me. I need to use ttc as my backup and change my focus. Im sure everyone is right, and as soon as I get an impending adoption, I'll end up pregnant!
I'm no better than your friends. Sorry. How many days post are you?

girlspn, which part of the country are you in?

AFM, I started working on researching IUGR so that maybe my next pregnancy will be better. I feel like at least I'm doing something towards pregnancy even if IVF isn't up on the list just yet.

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#612 of 662 Old 07-31-2015, 05:47 AM
 
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esg - I appreciate all the input here! We are going through ttc in a diff avenue than most!

I am now 3dpo, and I'm reluctant to say, I have my same super abdominal situp pain that I got w bfp 1 & 2!!! That doesn't mean implantation, but omg let me tell you its definitely not an imaginary symptom! Nor is it mild, I feel like I am recovering from a situp test yesterday! I had so much to distract myself with for my tww, but I can't ignore this!

Happy! I really hope it implants and sticks!
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#613 of 662 Old 08-02-2015, 03:33 AM
 
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Angeebaby, sillysappling-- thanks for the explanation. I'm sorry for my thoughtless question about the trial period. I haven't talked to anyone who's fostered children until this thread.

Angee, glad to hear things are getting better and it sounds like it's just a matter of time before something happens?!

Good luck in this ttw!! How do you order vials to your home? Do you need a doctor to sign off?

Esg-- we were in Chicago and now 30mins outside Ann Arbor. Probably go to Madison WI next week before leaving.

How have you been?
What happened in your last pregnancy?

We've been hanging out with traditional families Lately and dd feels sad that her dad isn't here, yet she won't talk about it. She does like to spend time with other dads and has come out of her shell on this trip.


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#614 of 662 Old 08-02-2015, 08:58 AM
 
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Quick question - for those of you who use Ovulation predictor tests - where do you get them cheaply? If it's ebay - what seller? I want to do a dry run either this cycle or next testing daily to see exactly how long my Luteal phase is, as I've had issues with short LP in the past & am currently short cycling by a couple of days. Trying to figure out if I need to take Vit. B-6 again to lengthen it or if it's short but normal, kwim?
I got them off ebay each time, earlier this year when I was toying around with the idea of another I got the wonderfos ones and they sucked, about 1/3 of them didn't work. Keep in mind some women (like me) need to test every 4 hours to catch the surge, I know mine goes from neg to positive and back to negative in just a few hours. Then there is the fun of figuring out how soon after surge you actually ovulate, I O within a couple hours so for me the entire window could open and close between AM and PM testing and daily testing would never catch it. Dont forget to be temping and checking CM and other fertility signs too!

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I also ordered another vial. It will arrive Friday and I will insem between Sun-Tues (if my body cooperates). I'll start foster classes and be in my tww at the same time! Eeek!
Good luck! With my first I was half way though my foster classes when I got preggo, 7 Dr's said it would never happen, I was post menopausal. She's turning 15 in 2 weeks.

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Positive OPK this evening. I will have my IUI tomorrow morning, yay!!
Good luck!

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In either case- if it absolutely isn't working out, the kids can be removed and placed somewhere else. A trial period would be cruel, really. These kids have just lost their families and often have other traumas- they desperately need stability and adults that will care for them.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for understanding this! These kids have lost everything, often repeatedly moved from home to home and feel like they have no one. Besides the fact the trial period would be cruel, these kids will often test you to see if you really will keep them or just toss them out at the first sign of trouble. They need someone who can handle that and not give up on them period.

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I am now 3dpo, and I'm reluctant to say, I have my same super abdominal situp pain that I got w bfp 1 & 2!!! That doesn't mean implantation, but omg let me tell you its definitely not an imaginary symptom! Nor is it mild, I feel like I am recovering from a situp test yesterday! I had so much to distract myself with for my tww, but I can't ignore this!

Happy! I really hope it implants and sticks!
If you see an implant dip on your chart you can run a preg test 48 hours after the dip and if your prego should get a + with one of the dollar tree super sensitive ones. Good luck!


Seriously?
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#615 of 662 Old 08-03-2015, 09:12 AM
 
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Satori - darn, I wish I charted! Unfortunately, I have such inconsistent sleep patterns, it would not only be anxiety provoking, but not even provide me w accurate numbers. I haven't previously gotten a bfp until 12 dpo. Ill get tests if I get excited. not there yet.

Oh, and I'm 6dpo today.

Girlspn - its a totally valid question to ask, especially when you have other children in the home. Unfortunately, some kids have been through hell and perpetuate the abusive behavior they have learned. You are in a different spot than I am, you have your daughters to also protect. They often will let you know if the child their placing should be an only child or youngest child, whether a mom only house or two parent family is best. That is based on the child's needs and what would be most compatible w a family. Unfortunately, sometimes bad things do happen, in which case yes, you can have the child removed. Unfortunately not every case is a happy ending.
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#616 of 662 Old 08-03-2015, 09:20 AM
 
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Ok, and here is my book on my first day of foster class. I'm actually reposting from a diff forum (I'm on my phone, so I hate to retype! ), so there is a little bit more about infant adoption mixed in here:

The infant foster/adopt is not a special program here. Unfortunately there are over 17000 kids in foster care in Az, I believe its either the #1 or #2 state w the greatest % of children in out of home (foster, group home, kinship) care. The state has only 6 million residents, so that is an exceptionally high number. About 20% of those kids are infants. You think they'd go quickly, but there's more time/energy investment and daycare costs after adoption, so they actually dont place as quickly as toddler/older kids. They often stay in the hospital, group home or homeless shelter until they can find infant homes. That just kills me.

Class was uncomfortable. They packed 40+ people in a room with too many seats for the tables, It was hot, a bit unorganized. it felt like torture the whole time.

Then talking to some people, like the young m/f couple who aren't married but want to adopt together, but the prospective dad keeps mentioning how he has no interest in letting this cut into his video game time (no joke, he was very serious).

Mostly sad though, a whole lot of relatives that just got a knock on the door one night, and a year later, they are adopting 5 kids.

They had a game where some people got a parent card w a description. Mine said I was able to take a special needs child who could someday live independently. Then you find people with kid cards that are your match. First I found a guy that had a card for a kid w aspergers. So I thought we were a match, but then a girl had her card that said specifically, special needs but able to live alone someday. So I "switched kids".

Well at the end of the activity, there were 3 people w kid cards that couldn't find a match. One of them was the guy w the aspergers card. Then the speaker asked how that felt, and they said lonely, like they had been rejected, that they don't belong anywhere. So of course you know everyone is empathizing w that emotion, the room turned very sad.

I certainly hope I get a bfp, this cycle or sometime soon, but this has turned into more than a backup plan for me (I can admit, that's what it started off as). Regardless of me being able to get pregnant, I am going to follow through w this. If anything, I can help an infant have a good safe start to life, and be there for them forever if they have no one else. if i decide on any siblings, I will go through this adoption program.

Hoping all the classes don't just make me feel bad/sad, I'm hoping for some positives from it! 5 more Saturdays to go, its 30 hrs total.
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#617 of 662 Old 08-03-2015, 03:00 PM
 
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Thanks for the heads up about the cheapie tests - I guess I will just stick with the better ones & try to buy them on sale. I temp & have a saliva scope, so the OPK is just extra insurance I think. Pretty sure I O'd today or will sometime tonight from all my symptoms - wish I could go ahead & fully TTC. But I know it would be better to wait at least a couple more months on prenatals & working on my health. If it's anything like it was with DD, I am fertile as a rabbit so it is just a matter of timing & shouldn't take too long.


Question, because if I ask this to my IRL friends they would probably say I'm nuts. Is it terrible to go ahead & start gathering baby stuff before I actually get PG? I have a tote of baby stuff already - some things were my dd's, some things I've found free / super cheap. But a couple of friends are downsizing bigger baby stuff like a car seat, stroller, etc and I'm tempted to snag them & store as they are free. WWYD? I'd stick to gender neutral stuff of course. The savings would help of course, which is why I'm tempted. And I do have room to store them.


Angeebaby - foster parenting is a wonderful thing. I know a retired couple who fosters special needs infants {she is a former nurse} & she loves it.


Girlspn - my dd has the opposite issue when it comes to the "dad" issues - she says she's never had a dad. Which is in part true - he has never been in the picture & never will be. I have broached the subject a couple of times with her, and offered to tell her what I know but she has never been interested. She got really mad when her bff tried to explain to her that she had a biological father, even if all he was was a donor KWIM? I am hoping she gets over that as she matures.

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#618 of 662 Old 08-03-2015, 03:18 PM
 
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Frugalmama - if you know you're going to ttc, I'd go for it and gather your necessities/gear. I held off because I had 2 mc's right off the bat, so a baby was not a sure thing.

At this point, I need to start prepping the house either way. I'm happy that fostering is allowing me to nest
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#619 of 662 Old 08-03-2015, 03:24 PM
 
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Frugalmama - I think your daughter's response is very healthy actually. If I end up pregnant, I will explain that the donor is just that, a genetic/gamete donor that allowed me get pregnant. the donor is not a dad, and even on a biological level, genetic donor is closer to the truth than a father. Dad/father are real roles that won't be a part of my family story. He or she can choose to know more about the donor, but its not the same as say an adopted child meeting their parents of origin.
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#620 of 662 Old 08-04-2015, 08:22 AM
 
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Well i have been feeling super positive and energized, which also means I'm probably not pregnant! In past positive cycles, lethargy took hold almost immediately, like 2-3 dpo, and never stopped (until mc). My ab pain isn't killing me at night anymore, so between those two things, I think I'm out.

I'm happy w the timing I used though, so I will try my best to repeat that, if the midwife is available. Today I am 7dpo.
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#621 of 662 Old 08-04-2015, 09:33 AM
 
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Well i have been feeling super positive and energized, which also means I'm probably not pregnant! In past positive cycles, lethargy took hold almost immediately, like 2-3 dpo, and never stopped (until mc). My ab pain isn't killing me at night anymore, so between those two things, I think I'm out.

I'm happy w the timing I used though, so I will try my best to repeat that, if the midwife is available. Today I am 7dpo.
Dont count it out yet, my last cycle I was 100% sure it had failed. She's 9 now

Seriously?
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#622 of 662 Old 08-07-2015, 05:53 AM
 
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Well I have been working steadily on my paper (one upside of missing out on super early pregnancy exhaustion! ) and yesterday I submitted it, and it passed! Wooohoooo!

Between ttc, MC, moving, buying/ selling homes, travel, changing jobs twice, my aunt passing, it had all stretched what should have been a 2 year graduate degree into a 4 year graduate degree! I'm done, finally!
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#623 of 662 Old 08-07-2015, 07:49 AM
 
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Congrats on your degree Angeebaby.

We picked up our exchange student last night. She was very sweet and nervous. Her English was very good. She's gonna sleep today and we'll tour this weekend and start school on Monday.
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#624 of 662 Old 08-07-2015, 07:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angeebaby View Post
Well I have been working steadily on my paper (one upside of missing out on super early pregnancy exhaustion! ) and yesterday I submitted it, and it passed! Wooohoooo!

Between ttc, MC, moving, buying/ selling homes, travel, changing jobs twice, my aunt passing, it had all stretched what should have been a 2 year graduate degree into a 4 year graduate degree! I'm done, finally!

But you got it done Great job! So what did you get a degree in?

Seriously?
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#625 of 662 Old 08-07-2015, 12:34 PM
 
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Farmermomma - how exciting for her and your family! I think that's something I'd like to do in the future, sounds really fun.

Satori - I'm going to reveal myself as a super nerd! Degree is a Masters in Information Security! And if my books were printed and not digital, I'd burn them all

I still have to present it, but that will be only about 15 minutes in Sunday. Omgggg it has been a very long process! I'm on cloud 9 right now tho
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#626 of 662 Old 08-08-2015, 05:39 AM
 
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Congrats, angeebaby!! I didn't realize you had so much going on! And still managing to ttc and work on foster/adopt paperwork. Very impressed.

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#627 of 662 Old 08-08-2015, 05:44 AM
 
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Satori - darn, I wish I charted! Unfortunately, I have such inconsistent sleep patterns, it would not only be anxiety provoking, but not even provide me w accurate numbers.
I would still chart. I charted when I was still waking up a couple times at night to nurse and morning wake times ranged from 4-7am. I adjusted the bbt and my charting still showed a pattern, esp on the BFP cycle.


frugalmama-- I would gather baby stuff if I had the place for storage, esp for the big items. I got rid of stuff after my dd was born and regret it somewhat, because I had to re purchase or ask around for dd2.

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#628 of 662 Old 08-08-2015, 12:56 PM
 
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Farmermomma, girlspn, satori - thank you! I'm so glad it is DONE!

I forgot to test since I've been so busy. Now THAT'S a first! I won't have time today to buy tests, maybe tomorrow. But AF is due mon/tues anyway.

I will have time afterall for an insem this next cycle, but I almost want to skip it just to have a month of relaxation, til I start my next item. But, the midwife might not be available next month, and I'd hate to miss two months. I will check w my midwife and see where to go.
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#629 of 662 Old 08-09-2015, 08:06 PM
 
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Well, I still didn't test today. Af is coming tho, hopefully tomorrow so I can get this next cycle started!

I had another foster class yesterday, it was very interesting! They were discussing delays and how you can determine them. One example was a 9 year old could be advanced intellectually and read at an 11 year old's level, but be socially delayed and connect only w 7 year olds, but throw tantrums on the floor which has their emotional age at 3-5. So their point was take the word delay w a grain of salt, you don't know right away where it applies. The good news was kids catch up pretty quickly when their specific delays are addressed with therapy/interventions. I enjoyed the whole child development aspect of it. Much better than the first day of class!
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#630 of 662 Old 08-11-2015, 12:22 PM
 
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Angeebaby, your class sounds interesting! How are your classmates?What's the average length of stay of foster children in AZ?


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single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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