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#661 of 819 Old 08-30-2015, 10:36 AM
 
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Girlspn - what if you try a meetup.com event? Even a dinner and a movie event would be cool to meet people at. I like those also so I can go to community events that i wouldn't have heard of otherwise and have a group of people to go w.

We have been meeting a little more. Went to dinner and grilled at my house this week. We will head to lunch this afternoon. Next weekend is a holiday weekend, so we will go to a live music event, find a couple other activities.

I have discussed my ttc plans. Turns out she was ttc in the past as a single mama. Unfortunately she had pcos and then some other health issues popped up, so that was off the table. She also was married and her ex had tried to get pregnant but was unable to (anovulation, pcos, it never worked). So she's understanding of the process and has actually not asked me anything unless I bring it up. That helps me too, cuz I try to distract myself during the tww.

I'm trying to take things very slow, I don't want to bother w a relationship that will just add stress for me, so I'm just seeing how things go. But apparently I'm so nonchalant that she admitted today that she feels a little insecure about where she fits in. So I may need to be a little more expressive. I can hold a lot in, but I do like her, so I need to let her know that. I am an action person, I prefer quality time and conversation to show my interest in someone. She needs direct reassurance.

Soooooo, this past week was completely exhausting. After I got home from the foster class, I felt like I physically could do nothing else and ended up sleepng at 6pm! I know, ridiculous! But I just couldn't do anything else. Around midnight I woke up w really bad abdominal cramps. I'd like to say they are early pregnancy symptoms, but I really don't think so. Its a different pain than my situp pain I have had on other cycles.

I'm 10dpo today and I tested w super concentrated fmu this morning, and I got an absolute bfn. I don't "feel" like this cycle took though. I will keep testing, af is due thurs. I need to be prepared to order my next shipment though, if I want to go for the sept cycle.

Still have a few months before fostering will start. I think once that starts, I will be ok w moving on from ttc, but who knows!

I will also be feeling those same feelings you are having about dd2s looks. Actually, I guess I might have those feelings for both a birth or foster child. Are you able to see what's similar between your daughters and what's similar between you and them? I don't think I even look like my own birth siblings, and so I totally wonder what a kid of mine would even turn out like.
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#662 of 819 Old 08-30-2015, 11:02 AM
 
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I get those feelings too about my dd's looks - she is very dark tanned {looks Hispanic} and I am very light, so people assume she was adopted But in looks my family is all over the place - we have everything from redheads to super dark native American, sometimes even in the same family. I am guessing dd is a throwback to my native ancestry, unless she had some Hispanic on her donor's side. I do worry if my next kiddo turns out light like me if it will bother dd to look a little different from her sibling. The big thing I've found to help is looking at photos of relatives. While dd may not look a ton like me, she does look quite a bit like several of her cousins so there is a family resemblance.


Girlspn - I don't have any contact with dd's donor. Haven't since dd was an infant, when he emailed me to say that another couple he was helping had conceived & was expecting a boy. Not 100% sure how I will find a donor for #2 - I have checked on some message boards geared towards connecting donors & those TTC. I've also seen a couple local craigslist ads offering donor services in the personals. Not sure which method I will go with - I haven't seen any donors yet on either that I have felt a connection with, kwim? With dd it was like it just felt right to use him as a donor - I've not felt that yet with any I've seen. I am trusting it will all fall into place when the time is right, just as it did with dd.

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#663 of 819 Old 08-31-2015, 07:08 AM
 
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frugalmama, good luck with finding a donor. From your signature, your dd is already 8 years old! How did you know you wanted to be a single mother by choice when you were so young?

angeebaby, how was foster class? That's interesting about your friend's ttc efforts. Did she decide to just not have kids now?

Everyone thinks my girls look alike because of their similar skin tone, it's only obvious to me that they look different. DD1 has my build, and both girls have my hair texture, and that's about all I can tell right now. Strangers always comment on how much they must look like daddy. It unnerves me to see my ex in my dd1. I've been feeling somewhat down lately that it's just me and nobody to share things with.

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#664 of 819 Old 08-31-2015, 08:26 AM
 
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Girlspn - dd will be 9 in two weeks - seems like just yesterday she was a baby in my arms I decided to be a Single Mom by choice for a couple of reasons - I had some health issues that potentially could have affected my ability to carry a child as I aged {but thankfully didn't in the long run}. I also had recently gotten out of a bad relationship with a guy who was abusive, and while I wanted kids I didn't want to be anywhere near a guy for a LONG time. Only in the last year or so have I begun to think maybe being with a guy wouldn't be that bad - that's how bad he was. Single moms are pretty common in my family, so there isn't a huge amount of stigma. But 99% of my family assumed that dd was a college oops - had they known she was fully planned, there likely would have been issues. Will be interesting with #2 & seeing their reactions - thankfully now most of my family is on the other side of the country from me so besides causing drama on facebook there isn't much they can do.

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#665 of 819 Old 08-31-2015, 09:54 AM
 
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Frugalmama- is there any chance in reaching out to the donor, letting him know you'd like to try again? Seems lile his intentions were altruistic, maybe he would consider it?

Girlspn - even w dating, there are times I want someone to share w, and other times I'm so grateful I don't have to coordinate or feel like I need permission from anyone. I tend to not be satisfied for too long in either category though. Hopefully it all falls into place some day.

I've been having bad cramps, starting around 8dpo. Its been in all cycles, ttc or not. It has me doing the math: 24 day cycle - 6days for af (3 days heavy and then spotting)- 7 days of pms cramping- 2 days ov pain, leaves me w 9 days of feeling good per cycle. There is nothing the matter, no fibroids, no cysts, no endo. In fact, everything comes back "perfect". Its just me. This is why I was on bc from age 19-37. So I'm debating starting that back up in a few months. Kinda makes me sad on top of ttc not working.

I only have 3 more hours of foster training, but it still feels soooo far away!

Ok, going to whine to myself about my cramps hah. Oh, and I did a wondfo smu (11dpo) and I thought for a sec it might go positive, but it was a bfn
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#666 of 819 Old 08-31-2015, 11:10 AM
 
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Angeebaby - I considered doing that, but decided not to for several reasons. DD has some pretty severe food allergies, and I am hoping that next kiddo might avoid them if it was from the donor's side {I have some food allergies too, but dd has a ton}. She also is a mild aspie, which honestly I think came from both sides so trying to find a donor without that in their family history. Plus dd's donor would be approaching 40 now, and I have read the risks for autism & other conditions increase with the male age. And it sounds totally vain, but I would like to find a donor without as many dominant features so my next kiddo would look more like my family, especially my dad. DD is beautiful, but I can very clearly see features she got from her donor that no one else in my family has, kwim? My family on my dad's side all have very dominant features & tend to all look alike at various stages. I'd like to be able to tell my next kiddo "oh you look like XYZ cousin or grandpa". With dd she somewhat resembles my mom's side of the family, but with a much darker complexion & her eyes are very different.

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#667 of 819 Old 09-01-2015, 05:34 AM
 
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Well I tested this morning, 12dpo, and its a definite negative. I kinda think my period is coming earlier than Thursday too, having bad cramps already and my usual breakout.

So, the day of AF is the day I have to order a shipment, and I'm seriously questioning if I even want to try anymore. I can debate that, but I also think ttc should be this definite thing I'm on board for, not having to think about so much.

I go through this thinking every cycle it seems, so I'll see how I feel in a few more days.

The timing on this next cycle will work out nicely for me though, so there's a 90% chance I'll probably go for it.
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#668 of 819 Old 09-01-2015, 07:50 PM
 
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frugalmama, interesting that there would be more stigma with planning a pregnancy and an accidental one. I wish I'd known such an option existed when I was much younger. How do you know what medical issues the donor has?

angeebaby, I'm sorry the cycle didn't work. You are strong to keep going. Would you consider IVF since the success rate is supposedly higher?

I go back and forth between wishing I had someone to share things with and being glad I'm on my own and don't have to compromise/seek permission, which was how it was in my marriage. The latter has more positives for me so far... I just need to be reminded of that sometimes.

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#669 of 819 Old 09-02-2015, 12:20 PM
 
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Girlspn - I'm actually still at a higher success rate than IVF. IVF is one of those things that nobody shares how many attempts they've done. Rate is about 20% success, same as IUI. At $10-15k a try, I figure an IUI still is in my favor. And actually, as we age (as i am 39 now), IUI has a better success than IVF. For all the unknown health consequences of Superovulation, I also just feel safer staying unmedicated.

Today the caseworker comes to my house. I think this is where they start the homestudy process, essentially asking a bunch of intrusive questions. I had a pretty uneventful childhood and nothing major, other than divorce, in my adulthood, so I think it'll be relatively painless for me.
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#670 of 819 Old 09-07-2015, 06:09 AM
 
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angeebaby, I didn't know that about IVF rates. I always thought IVF just cost more for one cycle but took fewer cycles to conceive. How is the home study going?

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#671 of 819 Old 09-08-2015, 11:17 AM
 
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Ivf is definitely best for women who have bad tubes or trouble ovulating, but outside of that, the rates aren't better. In fact, miscarriage rates are higher w ivf than naturally or w iuis.

I am contemplating clomid tho, low dose, for a couple cycles. I need to do some investigating tho.

So I was all excited about my first homestudy visit, and it ended up just being a check of all my paperwork. I guess a lot of people have missing stuff, but I'm a checklist person, so everything is done! So instead of 2 hrs, we only used 15 minutes.

At the end of the month will be our next meeting and that will start the more intensive interview process. Those should also go quickly. Normally, they interview the spouses individually and then together, whereas they'll only have one for me. I like that!
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#672 of 819 Old 09-08-2015, 10:18 PM
 
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I've heard that about m/c being higher for IVF.. I would think IUIs are *almost* like NI.

Would you need to see a doctor for Clomid? I've done some cycles with Clomid, with my ex and without. It's never worked for me for some reason, even though able to induce ovulation.

How are things on the dating (or not dating?) front?

I've been feeling down since our trip and am thinking of seeking counseling again. But I am nervous about going as a single mom and by choice at that.

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#673 of 819 Old 09-09-2015, 05:14 AM
 
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Girlspn - yea, I'd need to see a dr, some drs don't think its such a big deal. Others want to increase costs extraordinarily, which I will decline. So since my last mc, I've done 4 cycles, one of which I did way too early (was experimenting). Usually they want you to have 4-6 failed cycles before they'll give you clomid (any bfp is a success and resets the clock). With that thought, I'm debating to just keep things natural. But I'm not going to keep doing iuis forever, figure why not try clomid a couple cycles anyhow.

You would think I'd be getting more obsessed about ttc, but I'm actually feeling more blah about it. I'll talk to the midwife about an RE referral. Clomid is the cheapest/easiest alternative, so I'm willing to do that.

Dating is going very, very well. We have a lot in common, which just makes it all feel very relaxing. We have a long weekend planned at the end of the month that I'm really looking forward to as well. Part of me had really made peace with being single and just making my family on my own. So I do sort of think of that, like how I am potentially complicating my life. But, I dunno, maybe life could actually be easier instead of more difficult w another person. I think too many people have this fairy tale fantasy about relationships though, so I try to not get caught up in that thinking. I've been let down enough (and have witnessed others all around me going through the same) to know its not reality.

I think I'd be reluctant to talk to anyone there as well. I just don't think the right to privacy in the medical world is as stringent as it is in the u.s. At the same time, its good to get things out. Is there any way you could do phone counseling? Maybe even w someone in the u.s.?
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#674 of 819 Old 09-10-2015, 07:21 AM
 
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Girlspn - I used sample donor questionnaires found online. I know they could just put anything down, but I figure that a donor at a sperm bank could do the same as well so I'm okay with it. My family has enough bad health history that I figure anything the donor has can't be that much worse, KWIM? As for the stigma - well my family is odd, and oops kids are the norm. Normally it would be the other way around. Plus choosing to have another child while already being a low income single mom with health issues comes with a whole load of stigma anyways. I am just glad I have a pretty thick skin




Had a Dr appointment yesterday with my endocrinologist {I have thyroid issues}. I actually have her blessing medically to try - we are going to tweak my meds a bit as she would like to see my thyroid levels a little higher before pregnancy, but if something happens in the meantime it's okay. I am to call her office the moment I know I'm pregnant though as the meds will need adjusting again. She did caution me that both medications I am on can cause birth defects, but also said the same conclusion I came to from reading studies online - the odds are in my favor because my dose is so low, and most of the defects happened on a very high dose. Over the next 3 months we are going to work on lowering my dose further to help lower any risk.


So now I just need to get my GYN annual done to make sure that is clear, and then looks like I am good to go. Getting excited

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#675 of 819 Old 09-10-2015, 10:15 AM
 
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Frugalmama - everything sounds like its falling into place! Excited for you!

I'm having "taking a break" regret. Really my cycle is just too damn short tho, always testing for one thing or another. 4 weeks til my next insem.
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#676 of 819 Old 09-10-2015, 04:22 PM
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Hi all.
I've been reading but not commenting. Not easy to do on my phone.

Anyone heard from Preschott? Been thinking about her.

Frugalmama, I need to get in to see my doctor about my thyroid as well. the levels are subclinical but not where they once were. I have to work that out. When are you planning to cycle?

girlspn, sorry to hear you're feeling down. Any particular reason that you can work out? Just the change of being back home? I too questioned going back to therapy as a SMC now. My former therapist was great but very traditional. I went to her for Endo issues as it made me a bit depressed. Not sure how she would react now that I have a child but need counseling for infertility. Luckily I found other counseling options but the question remains. There are counselors that work through email as well who may be more accommodating.

Angeebaby, good luck with dating. Sorry your last cycle didn't work out. What are your plans going forward?

AFM, I think I'm starting my IVF timeline. Maybe. It wouldn't happen until January but I spoke with a clinic in Cancun today and for some reason I'm feeling good about it.
We may be in Mexico in Feb so looking to do January as well if I can fit in IVF costs. I'm kind of excited to be working on it even if it doesn't happen yet.

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#677 of 819 Old 09-10-2015, 06:57 PM
 
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esg - I am thinking 2016. Not sure yet until I get my next bloodwork back if that will mean January or later in the year. Personally I am leaning towards summer 2016 as it would be easiest for me as far as childcare while TTC & also good timing for birth in the spring so babe isn't a tiny newborn in the hottest of summer or coldest of winter. I was pg with dd over a hot summer and it was NOT fun, so avoiding that this time around would be a plus. Plus that would also mean a full year on pre-natals which I wanted to do. But on the other hand that would mean waiting another 9 months from now, and I really don't want to wait that long. So at the moment it is narrowed down to 2016, the only debate is Jan vs. June/July


Girlspn - have you tried Vit. D for the being down issues? I get pretty down if my vit. D goes low, but it gets a lot better if I supplement it.


I need to start working harder to find a donor. And also on my fitness levels - trying to be in the best shape physically I can be, as I'm a bigger gal already. Not so much worried about the weight, but more of my fitness levels & especially endurance.

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#678 of 819 Old 09-11-2015, 11:41 AM
 
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Esg - I decided to take this cycle off only cuz i didn't have breathing room. Its hard to process a definitive bfn, af, and ordering a new sample on the same day. My next ovulation is Oct 7, so not too far away.

I WOULD like to try clomid without a ton of extras surrounding that. I don't mind monitoring, but I want my midwife to do my insem. I don't want to mess w triggers either, since I have no prob ovulating on my own. So, I'm not sure if a dr will allow me to keep it simple or not. I'm almost contemplating a quick drive to Mexico for a low dose prescription if I get any pushback.

Well, on a sad note, I had to put my little dog down last night. He was at a progressed heart attack state and the vet said I could medicate him to stop the heart attack, but he would remain very listless and not regain his previous health. He was so at peace there with me holding him, I decided to put him down and save him any further suffering. He was 9 years old, so a little older, but I really did think I had many years ahead with him still.

Girlfriend drove me there and stayed w me. That helped me a lot and I am grateful.

Keeping an eye on my big dog. She is a very anxious dog and my little dog was her comfort. She has been looking for him. I might buy her a thundershirt, its a shirt for dogs similar to swaddling. Just helps calm them. Hopefully that will help.

Prescottchels did say she was taking a break from ttc for a while in her last update (many months ago). Hoping she is doing ok too.
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#679 of 819 Old 09-12-2015, 11:06 PM
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Esg - I decided to take this cycle off only cuz i didn't have breathing room. Its hard to process a definitive bfn, af, and ordering a new sample on the same day. My next ovulation is Oct 7, so not too far away.

I WOULD like to try clomid without a ton of extras surrounding that. I don't mind monitoring, but I want my midwife to do my insem. I don't want to mess w triggers either, since I have no prob ovulating on my own. So, I'm not sure if a dr will allow me to keep it simple or not. I'm almost contemplating a quick drive to Mexico for a low dose prescription if I get any pushback.

Well, on a sad note, I had to put my little dog down last night. He was at a progressed heart attack state and the vet said I could medicate him to stop the heart attack, but he would remain very listless and not regain his previous health. He was so at peace there with me holding him, I decided to put him down and save him any further suffering. He was 9 years old, so a little older, but I really did think I had many years ahead with him still.

Girlfriend drove me there and stayed w me. That helped me a lot and I am grateful.

Keeping an eye on my big dog. She is a very anxious dog and my little dog was her comfort. She has been looking for him. I might buy her a thundershirt, its a shirt for dogs similar to swaddling. Just helps calm them. Hopefully that will help.

Prescottchels did say she was taking a break from ttc for a while in her last update (many months ago). Hoping she is doing ok too.
Sorry to hear your dog. I've been there with the family dog and it is a hard painful decision. I hope you and your big dog find some peace in that he has. I'm sorry.

For my IUI I nearly had to take clomid but I did do a trigger after seeing how my hormones were. Most docs are fine with you directing a little bit. Plus its a shot you would do at home on your own so really you can control that. I wanted a trigger because I know my hormones and ovaries have always been trouble spots for me (and now the rest of my reproductive system, lol). I can see wanting to skip it when you know your body just as well.

I'm still wrestling with Mexico and IVF. It's the reason I'm still awake right now.

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#680 of 819 Old 09-13-2015, 08:10 PM
 
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frugalmama-- exciting! I'm glad to hear issues on the health front are ok and you move forward with ttc...

Thanks for the tip about Vit D.. I haven't looked into that at all but will do so.

esg-- how are you doing? What are the issues of IVF in Mexico?

I think I feel stress from city living and family in general. I come from a large family and a lot of time is spent with them, yet I feel I can't be myself with them and eventually that takes its toll.

angeebaby, so sorry to hear about your dog. How are you doing?

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#681 of 819 Old 09-15-2015, 09:31 AM
 
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Thank you all for your kind words. Doing better now, big dog seems to have calmed down a bit too. Gf brought her little dog over to keep my big dog company. Today is her first day alone but I think she will do ok.

Esg - I have seriously considered Ivf in Mexico too, but then I had this scary thought. I know its an ounce of paranoia, but what's to say they don't keep some eggs without permission? I mean, technically that could happen in the u.s., but the hammer would come down so hard if they were ever discovered (and a dr would lose their business, license, possibly have jail time etc.). I don't know i just have had second thoughts about it.

What's the pricing you've seen? From the few places I've called here in az, it sounds like prices have come down to about $10k (once you add in the drug costs). Still not cheap, but cheaper than before. Theres a place in Tucson I was googling that had patients driving up FROM Mexico to go to. Makes me curious why they wouldn't do IVF there. I'd be interested in knowing any amounts they've quoted you tho.

Girlspn - sorry you are feeling constrained by family. I had the same experience with mine, which is probably why I've enjoyed living so far away from them all. I think you have more cultural expectations of women as well that you have to deal with. That can be hard to live under.

On another note, I am finally done with all my foster classes! So happy to have my Saturdays back! I just need to wait in the agency to finish their stuff, which will be a few months. I already took care of all the requirements in my end.
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#682 of 819 Old 09-16-2015, 04:37 AM
 
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angeebaby-- exciting that you're done with foster classes! What's next?

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#683 of 819 Old 09-16-2015, 07:45 AM
 
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Well, supposedly these interviews for the home study are very intrusive and upsetting to some people. The few questions they've asked me in the intake didn't seem so bad. I guess if I had some trauma history, I could see how it could be upsetting. I'm pretty boring tho, and what irregular experience I have had (I parented my mother emotionally as a child) I feel I have coped with and have had a lot of years to overcome.

The interviews are supposed to be 2 hours, once a month for 3 months. We haven't even started the first one (had they started when they were supposed to, we would be done this coming month).

I need to work on a property sale, which will be stressful, but needs to get done. I will make some calls today to get moving on that. That is my last major project tho, looking forward for it to be gone!
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#684 of 819 Old 09-16-2015, 11:03 AM
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girlspn, shipping is quite a bit more. I keep going back and forth because of that. I may stick with a clinic here because of that extra work. Otherwise, I'd do it no problem.
Not being yourself will definitely take a toll. Wish I had advice for you on that. I have the same issue sometimes. I've been trying to be more myself but my family can be critical.

angeebaby, I was quoted under $5,000 and meds are up to $2500. This is about the same in the US for me so I could go either way.
The Dr in Mexico would face similar issues for stealing eggs. Probably more so because he well known among IVF travel circles. It wouldn't pass without a ton of legal mess.

AFM I'm working on possibly doing something in the winter or sometime after February. May not be able to work it out this year but that would be great so that I can be pregnant (hopefully) and home the first trimester. I worry most the first and last trimesters. Definitely intend to be home the last one. So I'm going to see what I can swing financially.

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I love showing my little sweetheart (now a busy preschooler!) the world!

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#685 of 819 Old 09-19-2015, 03:04 AM
 
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esg, how far would your travel be to Mexico for IVF?

angeebaby, what kind of questions do they ask? 2 hours sound like quite long!

I went ahead and purchased vials of my dd's donor to store even though potential ttc wouldn't be in 1-2 years at least. I worry he would sell out and thought about how much I would regret that.

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#686 of 819 Old 09-19-2015, 03:46 AM
 
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I really feel for you. I was there once, long ago. It goes by quickly. One of my only regrets is that I let negativity get the best of me in my relationship with my wild child and it is hard to undo.
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#687 of 819 Old 09-19-2015, 07:29 AM
 
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Girlspn - I am not completely sure myself what they will ask.

I found this old thread:
Top 5 most interesting questions you were asked in your homestudy!!!

Seems like its random questions, plus they are looking for triggers for things you might have experienced during childhood and/or relationships. A lot of these kids come from backgrounds of drug addiction and abuse in the family. Sadly, a lot of people have the same experiences and that's why kids go from an abusive home and end up placed w an abusive foster family. They attempt to weed that out. Of course, people can lie too, which is why they get into the nitty gritty.

I'm excited to get moving on it tho! Wish they had started my interviews on time.

I totally understand about the extra vials. When I first started, I bought 11 vials of one donor, thinking I'd use 4-5 per attempt and have enough for 2 kiddos. I did get 3 pregnancies, so I guess my math wasn't too far off.
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#688 of 819 Old 09-19-2015, 07:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by girlspn View Post
esg, how far would your travel be to Mexico for IVF?

angeebaby, what kind of questions do they ask? 2 hours sound like quite long!

I went ahead and purchased vials of my dd's donor to store even though potential ttc wouldn't be in 1-2 years at least. I worry he would sell out and thought about how much I would regret that.
Cancun is just over two hours away for me so not much travel time.

My donor is retired and I have one ivf vial. It's always smart to buy more. Mine will probably be split for ivf cycles but doesn't leave me much wiggle room.
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#689 of 819 Old 09-19-2015, 07:54 AM
 
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Oh I found a more complete list of questions:

http://holdingpattern.typepad.com/in...mestudy_q.html

I have already been given a lot of these essay questions before I started my classes. So maybe they just go over them more during the interviews, not sure.
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#690 of 819 Old 09-22-2015, 05:25 AM
 
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Wow, angeebaby, that is quite a list! I don't know what I was expecting, but certainly not this. How are you doing with them?

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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