Single Mamas By Choice - Page 23 - Mothering Forums

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#661 of 667 Old 08-30-2015, 10:36 AM
 
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Girlspn - what if you try a meetup.com event? Even a dinner and a movie event would be cool to meet people at. I like those also so I can go to community events that i wouldn't have heard of otherwise and have a group of people to go w.

We have been meeting a little more. Went to dinner and grilled at my house this week. We will head to lunch this afternoon. Next weekend is a holiday weekend, so we will go to a live music event, find a couple other activities.

I have discussed my ttc plans. Turns out she was ttc in the past as a single mama. Unfortunately she had pcos and then some other health issues popped up, so that was off the table. She also was married and her ex had tried to get pregnant but was unable to (anovulation, pcos, it never worked). So she's understanding of the process and has actually not asked me anything unless I bring it up. That helps me too, cuz I try to distract myself during the tww.

I'm trying to take things very slow, I don't want to bother w a relationship that will just add stress for me, so I'm just seeing how things go. But apparently I'm so nonchalant that she admitted today that she feels a little insecure about where she fits in. So I may need to be a little more expressive. I can hold a lot in, but I do like her, so I need to let her know that. I am an action person, I prefer quality time and conversation to show my interest in someone. She needs direct reassurance.

Soooooo, this past week was completely exhausting. After I got home from the foster class, I felt like I physically could do nothing else and ended up sleepng at 6pm! I know, ridiculous! But I just couldn't do anything else. Around midnight I woke up w really bad abdominal cramps. I'd like to say they are early pregnancy symptoms, but I really don't think so. Its a different pain than my situp pain I have had on other cycles.

I'm 10dpo today and I tested w super concentrated fmu this morning, and I got an absolute bfn. I don't "feel" like this cycle took though. I will keep testing, af is due thurs. I need to be prepared to order my next shipment though, if I want to go for the sept cycle.

Still have a few months before fostering will start. I think once that starts, I will be ok w moving on from ttc, but who knows!

I will also be feeling those same feelings you are having about dd2s looks. Actually, I guess I might have those feelings for both a birth or foster child. Are you able to see what's similar between your daughters and what's similar between you and them? I don't think I even look like my own birth siblings, and so I totally wonder what a kid of mine would even turn out like.
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#662 of 667 Old 08-30-2015, 11:02 AM
 
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I get those feelings too about my dd's looks - she is very dark tanned {looks Hispanic} and I am very light, so people assume she was adopted But in looks my family is all over the place - we have everything from redheads to super dark native American, sometimes even in the same family. I am guessing dd is a throwback to my native ancestry, unless she had some Hispanic on her donor's side. I do worry if my next kiddo turns out light like me if it will bother dd to look a little different from her sibling. The big thing I've found to help is looking at photos of relatives. While dd may not look a ton like me, she does look quite a bit like several of her cousins so there is a family resemblance.


Girlspn - I don't have any contact with dd's donor. Haven't since dd was an infant, when he emailed me to say that another couple he was helping had conceived & was expecting a boy. Not 100% sure how I will find a donor for #2 - I have checked on some message boards geared towards connecting donors & those TTC. I've also seen a couple local craigslist ads offering donor services in the personals. Not sure which method I will go with - I haven't seen any donors yet on either that I have felt a connection with, kwim? With dd it was like it just felt right to use him as a donor - I've not felt that yet with any I've seen. I am trusting it will all fall into place when the time is right, just as it did with dd.

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#663 of 667 Old Yesterday, 07:08 AM
 
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frugalmama, good luck with finding a donor. From your signature, your dd is already 8 years old! How did you know you wanted to be a single mother by choice when you were so young?

angeebaby, how was foster class? That's interesting about your friend's ttc efforts. Did she decide to just not have kids now?

Everyone thinks my girls look alike because of their similar skin tone, it's only obvious to me that they look different. DD1 has my build, and both girls have my hair texture, and that's about all I can tell right now. Strangers always comment on how much they must look like daddy. It unnerves me to see my ex in my dd1. I've been feeling somewhat down lately that it's just me and nobody to share things with.

single mama to DD1 (June 2011) and DD2 (Dec 2014)
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#664 of 667 Old Yesterday, 08:26 AM
 
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Girlspn - dd will be 9 in two weeks - seems like just yesterday she was a baby in my arms I decided to be a Single Mom by choice for a couple of reasons - I had some health issues that potentially could have affected my ability to carry a child as I aged {but thankfully didn't in the long run}. I also had recently gotten out of a bad relationship with a guy who was abusive, and while I wanted kids I didn't want to be anywhere near a guy for a LONG time. Only in the last year or so have I begun to think maybe being with a guy wouldn't be that bad - that's how bad he was. Single moms are pretty common in my family, so there isn't a huge amount of stigma. But 99% of my family assumed that dd was a college oops - had they known she was fully planned, there likely would have been issues. Will be interesting with #2 & seeing their reactions - thankfully now most of my family is on the other side of the country from me so besides causing drama on facebook there isn't much they can do.

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#665 of 667 Old Yesterday, 09:54 AM
 
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Frugalmama- is there any chance in reaching out to the donor, letting him know you'd like to try again? Seems lile his intentions were altruistic, maybe he would consider it?

Girlspn - even w dating, there are times I want someone to share w, and other times I'm so grateful I don't have to coordinate or feel like I need permission from anyone. I tend to not be satisfied for too long in either category though. Hopefully it all falls into place some day.

I've been having bad cramps, starting around 8dpo. Its been in all cycles, ttc or not. It has me doing the math: 24 day cycle - 6days for af (3 days heavy and then spotting)- 7 days of pms cramping- 2 days ov pain, leaves me w 9 days of feeling good per cycle. There is nothing the matter, no fibroids, no cysts, no endo. In fact, everything comes back "perfect". Its just me. This is why I was on bc from age 19-37. So I'm debating starting that back up in a few months. Kinda makes me sad on top of ttc not working.

I only have 3 more hours of foster training, but it still feels soooo far away!

Ok, going to whine to myself about my cramps hah. Oh, and I did a wondfo smu (11dpo) and I thought for a sec it might go positive, but it was a bfn
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#666 of 667 Old Yesterday, 11:10 AM
 
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Angeebaby - I considered doing that, but decided not to for several reasons. DD has some pretty severe food allergies, and I am hoping that next kiddo might avoid them if it was from the donor's side {I have some food allergies too, but dd has a ton}. She also is a mild aspie, which honestly I think came from both sides so trying to find a donor without that in their family history. Plus dd's donor would be approaching 40 now, and I have read the risks for autism & other conditions increase with the male age. And it sounds totally vain, but I would like to find a donor without as many dominant features so my next kiddo would look more like my family, especially my dad. DD is beautiful, but I can very clearly see features she got from her donor that no one else in my family has, kwim? My family on my dad's side all have very dominant features & tend to all look alike at various stages. I'd like to be able to tell my next kiddo "oh you look like XYZ cousin or grandpa". With dd she somewhat resembles my mom's side of the family, but with a much darker complexion & her eyes are very different.

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#667 of 667 Old Today, 05:34 AM
 
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Well I tested this morning, 12dpo, and its a definite negative. I kinda think my period is coming earlier than Thursday too, having bad cramps already and my usual breakout.

So, the day of AF is the day I have to order a shipment, and I'm seriously questioning if I even want to try anymore. I can debate that, but I also think ttc should be this definite thing I'm on board for, not having to think about so much.

I go through this thinking every cycle it seems, so I'll see how I feel in a few more days.

The timing on this next cycle will work out nicely for me though, so there's a 90% chance I'll probably go for it.
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