Feeling so sick and alone. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-23-2013, 11:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My partner just walked out on me two nights ago without saying anything. It's such bad timing because I just found out I'm pregnant with my second. My 2 year old daughters father is not in our lives for the better. This pregnancy is with another partner and was unplanned. He was so excited at first! He promised me he would never leave me and the baby. I started urging him to get a job and to take care of his legal issues because it was preventing him from getting a job that isn't under the table. He didn't want to own up to his responsibilities though and told me I was just "too wrapped up with money". This is so far from the truth. I think it's perfectly normal to want to provide for your family. I was just being realistic if anything. Children cost money...point blank. Anyway we started arguing a lot on a daily basis. Instead of trying to work things out with me he told me he was going to the library to look for a job and never came back. I still have not heard from him other then text. He says it would be "too emotional" if he called me. I think thats a bunch of b.s. Overly emotional? What was I feeling when he abandoned me and I searched the streets for him and the local jail wondering if something horrible happened to him. How does he think I feel worrying about how Im going to take are of a 2 year old, go back to school, and work all without having transportation. The least he could do is talk to me. Anyway...i don't have many friends and I don't have family to turn to here. I just needed to vent and possibly get any advice/words of encouragement. Thank you.

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#2 of 2 Old 08-24-2013, 06:23 AM
 
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You are not unreasonable in your desires and expectations of a partner, of a future co-parent.

 

However...

 

This man is telling you pretty clearly that he's excited about a baby until it means that his life changes. That he doesn't care how you might be feeling. That he is not dependable, reliable, or nurturing toward you. And that your very reasonable desires and expectations are unrealistic in this relationship.

 

What you're describing reminds me of how my relationships changed with my now-ex once we had a child. I made the (mistaken) assumption that people grew up when they had children, that certain changes were inevitable (everything from "finding and holding a job with a thought to a career arc" to "eliminate gratuitous swearing.") It doesn't work that way for everyone. He was quite put out when I stopped mothering him and expected him to be an adult partner. 

 

I think that you should focus on you, your kid(s), your life, and what you need and let this guy go. Yes, it's sad, it hurts, he's not turning out to be who he seemed to be. If he decides to take care of his legal stuff and get a legit job, great. But I think you'll be better off putting your energy into yourself than in trying to convince him of anything or to try to make his life work so that your life will work. It's sucks, it's unfair. I know.

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