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#1 of 5 Old 08-24-2013, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. Because of his terrible credit we haven't gotten married. We have 3 children together and I am 33 weeks pregnant with our 4th. 3 years into our relationship, I found him sending inappropriate text messages to another woman. This was completly accidental on his "myspace" page when he left the email open. I immediatly broke things off with him. After a few months I started dating another guy. Nothin sexual happened with him, and it was over quickly. My boyfriend and I eventually got back together and have been doing pretty well since. But now all of the sudden he says he is convinced something more happened than I am telling him, and he harbors aggression towards me for it. He told me he didn't think we could stay together. He has been texting his ex gf who is married with 4 kids and lives 2 hours away. Although he say he needs time, space, ect. He still stays here, eats here, I do his laundry, and we have had sex. Everytime I approach him about "us" he says he needs more time. That he wants to be with me, wants our family more than anything, ect... ect.. He has changed hisbehavor too. He now carries his phone with him EVERYWHERE. only charges it when he is sitting right next to the charger, takes it off when he needs to get up, keeps it on vibrate, and sleeps with it in his pants pocket.

 

I am so emotional and I want to make ure my feelings are rational. It seems to me like he is using my past relationship as a scapegoat, making it clear that we are "not together" and playing games?? Any input??

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#2 of 5 Old 08-24-2013, 04:17 PM
 
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Fourplusme - so sorry about your situation. I have to say that the red flag for me is the fact that he won't part with his phone. What is going on with the conversations he doesn't want you to see? His words don't match his actions and if it were me I would want to know what his phone messages look like before I would believe anything he says. Was the other woman he was messaging on myspace his ex or someone else? Having aggression towards you is also a red flag. Is he verbally or physically aggressive? Are you and the children safe? Are you afraid of him?

 

My instinct is to  be suspicious and I would sit down and have a serious conversation to find out what he really wants and what his intentions are.

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#3 of 5 Old 08-24-2013, 04:52 PM
 
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Your suspicions are spot on. One of the easiest ways to tell that someone has done something they are ashamed of towards you is that they are suddenly accusing you of wrong doing. I would assume he is cheating at this point.

I'm sorry I don't have any advise. I am not a single mom but I couldn't help reading and responding to your post. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
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#4 of 5 Old 08-24-2013, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chefmommy View Post

Fourplusme - so sorry about your situation. I have to say that the red flag for me is the fact that he won't part with his phone. What is going on with the conversations he doesn't want you to see? His words don't match his actions and if it were me I would want to know what his phone messages look like before I would believe anything he says. Was the other woman he was messaging on myspace his ex or someone else? Having aggression towards you is also a red flag. Is he verbally or physically aggressive? Are you and the children safe? Are you afraid of him?

 

My instinct is to  be suspicious and I would sit down and have a serious conversation to find out what he really wants and what his intentions are.

So I confronted him, after a little fight he agreed to let me see his phone. I read through the entire conversation with his ex. It was from days and very long, the only thing I saw out of place was this "Looks like you got everything you wanted, kids, family, a job in the feild you wanted" and then "Only missing one thing" That comment didn't really fit in? So it makes me wonder if he has just been deleting the texts he shouldn't be sending/receiving and now I don't really feel better but more anxious.

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#5 of 5 Old 09-03-2013, 12:03 PM
 
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Try survivinginfidelity.com 

It sounds like an emotional affair - maybe he's done more.  The one missing thing I guess is her?  it doesn't mention a happy love life.  

I guess that is what it refers to.  

An emotional affair is when one spouse is meeting another person, on the phone, by text, whatever - in secret  So that he is definitely doing.  And that means your marriage is definitely in crisis and if you want to save it you'd better get help now.  He should cut all contact with this person and you should have access to his phone and e-mails at all times.  surviving infidelity forum "I just found out" is a good place to start. 

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