Im Struggling too much with worry - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 09-01-2013, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, 

 

A lot is going on, including me being unemployed for about 3 months and, well, I worry.

I worry myself to the point of freezing.

I am doing meditation and breathing and going for walks which all helps. Affirmations too

 

During the week when my son goes to school in the mornings I do well

 

But when I am with my son over my weekend, it is tough. I am doing some computer work and I have gotten other gigs for money. He hates if I am at the computer or at the phone. He misbehaves in search of negative attention, even if he agreed to let me work on the computer for 20 minutes, he is 5.

 

He sleeps very little, from 10pm to 7 am, so not much time for me to work "while he sleeps". By 10 pm I am destroyed and I work maybe 2 hours after that.

 

So I worry some more, and I feel any adversity is a frigging mountain.

 

I should know better, all works out in the end, it really does. 

 

But during those weekends  I have a big knot in my tummy, so even when I am playing with him I'm not fully present.

We do one outing a day during which we have a lot of fun. it is the time spent at home which is hard.

Now is a three day weekend, Saturday we did well, today, I have some struggles with the computer job I am doing and I am flustered and I am affecting him and our time together.

Today I have been so not myself that I managed to skip lunch! just like that, we didnt have lunch.....??!!

 

Tomorrow we are going out for sure a good chunk of the day, Ill have to cram work for Tuesday.

Any words of compassionate wisdom would be appreciated. 

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#2 of 7 Old 09-01-2013, 03:40 PM
 
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Sleep would be the top thing I would address, and not only because it would give you a few more hours to yourself each day, but because it will make your time with him happier, more cooperative and productive.

 

What's going on with his sleep?? 5 yr olds need about 11 hours of sleep so he should be starting his bedtime routine around 7pm to get him to sleep by 8-ish. Sleep-deprivation can cause some major behavior issues (and make it hard to get to sleep); my kids are like psychotic drug-addicts when they've missed a few hours. My oldest was like a completely different child (in a good way) when he started getting enough sleep.

 

A regular routine is super-helpful for me as well. so that I don't do things like forget food (totally been there!)

 

Having someone to play with helps a lot, too, especially for my oldest (younger one is happy to play alone most of the time), so having playdates can help a lot. The key is finding which of his friends make life easier for you - some kids are too much work at playdates but we've got a few friends who I'll have over whenever because it's almost like all the kids aren't even home.

 

hugs and hope some of these ideas help. It's hard to juggle WAH in the best of circumstances but it can work.


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                         blahblah.gif YoungMan (6/00) & bouncy.gif LittleBoy (6/04)

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#3 of 7 Old 09-01-2013, 05:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Rubelin.

 

The sleep, I know, but I have tried everything with the exception of drugs (which I wouldn't) If he goes to sleep at 8, he will get up at 5 am the latest, on his own.

I even had a therapist come over and she basically told me that there would be more peace in my household if I accepted 10 pm is his sleep time, instead of the night wars from 7 to 10...My mom says I was the same way at his age...And there are not even naps!

 

I think the lunch today was becasue I have been totally stressed and I dont know if I am coming or going. The day was a blur. It usually doesnt happen.

 

As per play dates, do you mean leaving him at a play date so I  have time to work?

 

What things do you do to keep anxiety down?

 

Thank you!

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#4 of 7 Old 09-02-2013, 07:59 AM
 
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I'm struggling with this as well, and I also work from home on the computer and suffer from anxiety.  I'm super stressed about money, which means I feel like I need to work more, but then I panic because if I'm working more I'm not sleeping or I'm working while the kids are awake, or both, which means I'm tired and cranky and not fully present for them, plus they are watching too much tv, etc. etc. etc.  So I feel ya :)

 

What I am trying to do to be less anxious is to set up a schedule for both  my work and the kids' stuff and then try to stick to it.  Perhaps if your son knows that every day after lunch you are going to work for 1-2 hours and he is expected to play by himself/watch a movie/etc, he will adjust and you will be able to get something done.  I know it's easer said than done, but maybe stick with it for a couple of weeks to see if it works out-I always give up after a day or two and of course nothing is going to stick that way.

 

If he is going to bed late, could you go to bed at the same time and then maybe be up at 5 to get a couple of hours in? I try this sometimes when the kids go to bed late or when I'm too tired to concentrate (and so my productivity is way down).  Sometimes it wakes my youngest up, so it's kind of pointless, but otherwise I tend to be much more productive after I've had a decent night's sleep, plus my day starts out better when I'm already up and caffeinated when the kids get up versus them dragging me exhausted out of bed.

 

Otherwise, try to keep breathing :) It's so hard doing it this way, and I've had moments when I feel like I should just put them in school/daycare and work during normal hours, but I really don't want to do that either...it's only been 2 months for me, so who knows what the future holds.


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#5 of 7 Old 09-02-2013, 09:39 AM
 
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I'd really try to work on the sleep thing. Two books that have been really helpful for me are, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" and "Sleepless in America." Most five-year-olds need much more sleep than your DS is getting. One of my kids has an extra-hard time falling asleep, so she takes a tiny dose of Melatonin, which works wonders for her.
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#6 of 7 Old 09-02-2013, 10:09 AM
 
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Melatonin was the wonder fix around here for sleep challenged kids. One of my kids would stay up until midnight without it, he just doesn't have the natural sleep cues, and bedtime was a nightmare.  A tiny dose of melatonin has been life changing for everyone.  He still has some sleep disturbance from time to time, but nothing like it used to be and a well rested kid is a much happier (easier!) kid to deal with. 

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#7 of 7 Old 09-02-2013, 10:36 AM
 
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I meant a playdate where another kid comes over (why I said pick someone who makes less work for you when they're there). But having him go to playdates works, too. swapping playdates is a great thing, if it's the right kid/mom combo =)


to deal with anxiety, I do lots of things. meditation, time-outs for myself (I sit in my studio alone for a while and compose myself), EFT tapping. I've also worked on coming up with solutions to deal with everything that's stressing me one thing at a time. For some things it's simply not allowing myself to think about it until it doesn't feel stressful (some nights I can only allow myself to think of something mundane like kittens because everything makes me anxious), some things was setting new limits with my kids, or getting certain areas of the house cleaned and organized. Instead of trying to change it all, I took on whatever felt most glaring at the time. I've been working on it for about 5 years now and I have a much more peaceful life, even though I have many more things to be stressed and worried about than I did back then.

 love.gif Robin~ single, work-at-home sewmachine.gif momma to my homeschooling WonderBoys
                         blahblah.gif YoungMan (6/00) & bouncy.gif LittleBoy (6/04)

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